all out of dreams

by Ravyn 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ravyn

    well folks I have been trying for the last few years to come up with a life and a future and some kind of hope that this world and this existence was worth the struggle, but I am running out of dreams. War, economic problems, health problems, relationship problems. I have come to a point in my life where it does not matter if I get out of bed in the morning. Now before I get all this advice about depression and the benefits of prayer--let me just say that #1 -I am NOT depressed, and #2 -I am not a christian, don't want to be a christian and therefore find prayer just slightly offensive.

    For the first time in my life with world events the way the are right now and my own personal struggles(which are not any better or any worse than they have ever been--and that is the point)I cannot see this world 10 years down the road. Does anyone else have this phenomenon occurring in their life right now like I do? I see no hope for improvement. Humans are bringing me down. Honestly the only thing I live for are my pets who I cannot see survivng without me and I can't stand the thought that they might suffer or be alone if I was not there to care for them. But cats and dogs only live so long, and when they are gone what will keep me going?

    If anyone still has any real dreams that they think they might just be able to make come true--please share. Mine are all gone and I can't seem to come up with anything new that just does not come off as complete impossible fantasy.


  • jgnat

    Boy, you make it tough. My dreams are based on my faith in the ultimate good in people, which is in turn based on my faith in God. How can I help if my own worldview is coming from such a different perspective? I will give it a shot anyhow.

    A (non-Christian) speaker helped me develop a different perpective a few years back with this analogy. Volkswagon Beetles. How many did you see last week? Now that I have mentioned Volkswagon Beetles, how much you want to bet you are probably going to see one today or tomorrow? Does that mean that more Volkswagon Beetles were created in the few days since I brought them up? Or is it more likely that I changed your perception of reality by saying Beetle, Beetle, Beetle?

    War, war, war, blood, death, corruption and destruction. I have seen enough of this in the last ten days, played 24-7 on my television. If I believed my entire world was going to destruction, I am certain I coudl have found the evidence now. I just chose not to. I still wave and smile at my neighbours, bake cookies, and cuddle my loved ones.

    I am suggesting that your current world view is colored by your perception, and can be changed if you chose to look for other things. A few years back, I moved to a lovely small town. It took me five minutes to walk to work. Everybody said 'hello' to me as I walked down the street. I made ready, fast friends who warmly accepted me in to their home. I was not there a week when a well meaning church matron warned me that there were satanic forces at play in that small town. I was totally disgusted. Just because she sought out any evidence that we were living in the 'last days', she had no right to poison me with her personal world view.

    Here is a suggestion. Why don't you take a small section of this world and influence it towards your personal world view? Volunteer. Read a book to a child, comfort the sick, visit the elderly. Create a smile somewhere.

  • Prisca

    Not being able to find a reason for getting out of bed in the morning is often a clear sign of depression. You don't need to be planning a suicide to be depressed. Depression comes on all levels. Frankly, I DO think you're depressed, if you have such a bleak outlook on life, but I won't labour the point if you don't think you are.

    If you can't change the outside world, how about the only thing you can change - YOU ? Are there qualities you'd like to develop within yourself - self-love, empathy, compassion, tolerance etc. Sometimes once we work on things internally, the external often changes too (because we then look at life from a different perspective).

    Try to help others - charity work, elderly neighbours and friends, handicapped people, etc. I know it's not going to change things on a global scale, but it will help someone else, help improve their world, won't it?

    Take up a hobby, or a talent you never got to persue fully. That's not going to change things on a global scale either, but it might mean you get to socialise with new people, who can give you new ideas and perspectives on life.

  • xenawarrior
    #1 -I am NOT depressed,

    Everything you describe in your post speaks depression. You might want to find someone to talk to about it.


  • Mac
  • Ravyn

    the internet is really my only link to the outside world. I am disabled myself and often times I am ill, not just physically limited so basically I stay in the house alot. I see my husband for a couple of hours each day before he has to go to bed to get up at 5 AM to work again until 8 or 9PM, 6-7 days a week. And we are just barely, and more times than not, NOT making it financially. I can't work, so I can't help with expenses. We have no children--so no breaks from charities either. He gets so frustrated at never having enough. Alot of it is his own fault, but if I say anything about it I am a nag and if I ignore it I am begging at food pantries.... he is not abusive or uncaring at all--just money-stupid. For instance this week--I thot I had enough in the bank to pay the bills, and I would have if he had not decided to fill up his company truck with gas the day BEFORE his boss gave him the expenses check(and not tell me thinking he could put it back before I knew it was gone)---soooooo because he overdrafted me last week, now I have 5 -$30 bounce fees, and no money to pay the bills. No money to go to the grocery store either---altho ramen noodles coming out the ying yang---but he does not get paid again until next Monday. He is very sorry. He always is. That is just the little crap I live with every day. Then I have to see the big stuff on tv 24/7.

    I want to DO something. I need activity, but it has to be on my own terms because of the Lupus(can't be in sunlight, get exhausted easily, can't be in crowds or around children to catch something...) and Narcolepsy(can not drive). So I am limited to this house and this yard and my pets. Sometimes I go days without hearing more than two or three spoken sentences. I have no family, you guys know how the 'apostate' thingy works. I read so much sometimes my mind gets weary.

    I really am open to suggestions. But they have to be realistic ones for me. I am really not depressed. I have talked to therapists and doctors in the past--I was told to learn how to live with my challenges. Yeah well, I can live with them, but no one else can. My aunt told me once that I was not made for this world. I think this world was not made for me!


  • DanTheMan

    Suffering and misery are static factors in human existence. I don't know why, I can't explain it.

    I think in western society too much is made of "happiness", where we think that if we just get all our ducks in a row, wow our life is going to be super spectacular and hugely fulfilling all of the time. Well I don't think it works this way for the vast majority of people, if any at all.

    Life is what it is. A lot of crap and a few good moments that make it bearable somehow.

    I think the best thing is to have a sense of humor. I wish I could remember the exact line - in the movie Gladiator, Maximus says something like "Death laughs at us, what else can we do but laugh back?"

  • outoftheorg

    Dan the man is right. Life is difficult. Period. I have come to believe it is supposed to be that way.

    But some common sense will make it a little easier and do able. I have lived 67 yrs. at this point and I cannot recall a time that there were not some difficulties and worries. I finally learned to take all this in stride and just live. Mixed in with the difficulties there are some days of calm. Some days of a degree of happiness. IF we notice and grasp them. However, if we dwell on the difficulties that will be all that we will see or recall.

    Like others here, I also think you manifest at least a degree of depression. Think about it. Also if you find yourself in a situation of continuous conflict with your partner, due to things not of your doing, it is time to have a serious attempt at solving these problems. If these can not be corrected, it may be time to look at the relationship and decide if it is workable.


  • SheilaM


    You said that you struggle finacially why not apply online for a Pell Grant take some online classes in areas of interest. Not sure how old you are but have kids if you want.

    Make a list of goals monthly, 6 months a year five years Thunder and I did that and all but one happend. I love my Garden and taught myself to crochet. I HOPE THIS HELPS

  • jgnat

    One thing jumped out at me. You need human contact; touch and talk. I think the homeless people I see babbling to themselves would be half as crazy if they had someone to talk to.

    Also, there are quieter hobbies and activities you can do, quietly, to add beauty to your world. Like painting, poetry, writing. When I was hung up with a nasty cough last year, I picked up some counted cross-stitch. (I got it cheap from Liquidation World). It is put away again, until the next time I am really sick.

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