Need Advice please help.

by QCA1 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • QCA1

    Hello All

    I have just had news that my JW daughter-in-law has been told that her baby, she is expecting in July, has a 1 in 400 chance of being Downs Syndrome, 3yrs ago her brothers wife also had a Downs Syndrome baby.

    In 4 wks she will have another scan that will confirm this. At this moment in time i can't find the words to express how i feel as my thoughts are towards my Son and his family at this time. I do know that all babies are precious no matter what happens, they also have 2 boys 1 of which is rebellious towards being a JW he says he hates Jehovah, so life is difficult for him as my Son is extremely strict with him, and now the news that their baby maybe born with Downs Syndrome must be awful for them.

    Has anyone here had to deal with something like this,and what, if any are the WTs views on this sort of thing. I would appreciate your comments.


  • blondie

    QCA1, I'm so sorry to hear the news. Everyone wants their children to be as healthy as possible.

    Some people might consider abortion. That is obviously not an option for a JW. I personally would not recommend it. I know of 2 who had such an assessment and the baby was born fine.

    Even if the child does have Downs there are positives. I have had 2 mentally challenged people in my family. With help, they are both able to lead happy, productive lives. Some Downs children are very high functioning, able to hold jobs and live on their own. Some need more help. On several of my jobs, I have worked with such people, assigning and assembling work and supervising.

    I would suggest some kind of counseling from parents (support group) and health staff who have worked with and are successfully raising these special children. It will be a challenge but I don't regret a moment spent with my relatives.


  • rebel

    QCA1 - please do not panic. You say that this baby has a 1 in 400 chance of being Downs Syndrome. Please do not think I am being heartless - I mean well.

    This child is precious. Whether it is Downs Syndrome or whatever, who cares. This is a human life. a valuable life. Many people have been born 'normal'; - think about Stalin and Hitler, to name a few. Would you rather have a son like Hitler, or a true, loving son?

    Please -take time to think - all children are a precious gift - I love my children (and that includes a Downs Syndrome child) I love all my children equally.



  • DJ

    That's upsetting. All I know is, at my ultrasound when I was pregnant w/ my second child, the technician told my husband and I that it looked like my baby could have Down Syndrome.......he was born a few months later totally healthy! They based there conclusion on the fact that I had too much amniotic fluid.....? Personally, I think that this '1 in 400' is not a very wise statement on the doctor's part. They may very well have caused needless stress on these parents. Having said that, I do believe that there are many, many happy children w/ Downs Syndrome and parents who love them.

    As far as their son who rebels against the jw teachings goes.......I'm sorry but I fail to see the connection.??

  • Matty

    I hesitate to label downs as a real disability – sure they have their health problems and they are sadly generally not long lived, but I really love downs syndrome people, we can learn a lot from them - I think they are the nicest people in the world.

  • QCA1

    Thanks to you all for your comments i appreciate them.

    DJ there is no connection as far as my rebel grandson is concerned except that at this time his Dad has enough to deal with, thankyou DJ for your uplifting post.

    Yes Rebel this child is precious no matter what.

    Blondie,my daughter-in-law said she would not abort.

    Thankyou all again


  • Robdar


    My thoughts, as always, are with you and your family.

    I do not have first hand experience with a Down's Syndrome child, but I have known a few families who had a child with this disorder. Every single one that I have known has told me that their little one, because of their sweet temperament or talents, was a blessing from God.

    I lived next door to a boy with DS while growing up and he was just the sweetest little boy. He did well in school and had his favorite tv programs. He always gave me a hug when I would go by for a visit. I cannot begin to say enough good things about Kevin. Pat, his mother called him her "little angel" and told me that she had never regretted having him.

    I have included a link below. It is for American families with DS children but at the bottom you will find a link for the UK.

    I am sorry that I can't be of more help to you. But I hope that the link will help you some.

    As a side note, my crocuses are blooming. I think of you often.

    All my love to you, my friend.


  • blondie

    QCA1, I new your DIL would not make the choice. But sometimes some in the health field hold it out as a choice. I personally would never make that choice. Raising children is a challenge under any circumstances, but as the others said, these children have a tremendous capacity for love and love is what will be the support for your family.


  • SheilaM

    Blondie: First that is the worst advice I've ever heard given to anyone no killing a Down's Baby should never be an option.

    Second: Everyone I know of that have taken this stupid test has had a 'normal" child. Down's syndorme can happen to anyone family at anytime. Usaually it occurs to older Mother's because their body does not seem to miscarry a "damaged" fetus as easily as a younger Mother.

    But EVEN if the baby has Down's there are differernt levels of IQ throughout the condition. Thunder's younger brother is Down's Benny, Benny is the sweetes, most loving child ever they have no malice in their heart it seems. With education they can live very productive lives, as long as you don't try to pigeonhole them as "retarded" also remember that retarded means to hinder to retard so really they have limitless potential. The reason that more isn't know is people use to stick them in asylum's for years but now they are realizing how cruel this was.

    I personally told my daughter not to have the test, I knew she would never choose abortion so what is the point of knowing ahead of time. But she chose too and it came back as this one did, then they redid it and all was fine. I really think it is not effective unless you have an amiocentisis. Everyone as I said worried and then had a "normal" child. When my niece was born they thought she had Down's but instead of having a Down's bay that occurs because of an additional chromosome she had fetal alchohol syndromeHow said that my sister-in-law (on my side) decided to drink while pregnant.

    Please embrass this lil one the joy you will have is unbelievable!!!!

  • Joyzabel

    Hi QCA1,

    Just adding my 2 cents here. First, look at it this way, it's a 399:1 that the baby is healthy.

    What are the ages of the parents? Is the basis for that statement "1 in 400 with Down Syndrome", based on an Ultrasound or did they just do the screening bloodwork, MSAFP (Maternal Serum Alpha Fetal Protein)? The only way to confirm if the baby has Down Syndrome is to do a chromosome study. In uetero it is done with an amniocentisis. They draw fluid out of the womb and look at the baby's cells. Match up all 23 pairs. Usually it is #21 that is fragile and splits off and connects somewhere else that causes Down Sydrome. Even after the baby is born, they have to do a chromosome study to confirm if the baby is Down Syndrome.

    I asked about the ages of the parents because unless the mother is over 35 will an amniocentesis be done automatically. It has been proven that the older we get the more chance of the chormosomes not lining up right. So the usual group of women who have Down Syndrome babies are over 35 and young teens.

    Please be reassured that what you have described to be so far sounds like one of the screening test came back abnormal. Remember it is a screening test and you need to move to the next test (amniocentisis) to prove whether the baby has Down's Syndrome or not. I recommend doing an amniocentesis because if it is negative (there are lots of false postive screening tests out there) then you don't have the added worry for the rest of the pregnancy. If it is positive, then you have a few months to adjust to the situation, as that is the only option available to JWs.

    Let us know how things turn out.



    edited to add a PS. These days after a postive screening test comes back, most patients are referred to a Maternal-Fetal Medical Specialist. (an OB with extra training/credentialing in abnormal pregnancies, both babies and moms), they used to be called Perinatalogist. Anyway, a referal to a MFM gives you counseling and a better Ultrasound evaluation. If a MFM thinks you still need a amniocentisis, then do it. Those guys are much better than the average ultrasound scanner and OB. And many times they can determine that the baby doesn't have the charateristics of Down's without the risk of an amniocentisis.

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