It is so sad that you have to hurt that way. I think you should go to visit the grave site, if that helps you. I am sure she missed you as well before she passed. It was wrong that she was robbed of you love in her later years. My heart is with you.
I NEED you all's opinion!!! Please read................................
by Jesika 24 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Jesika
Thank you all so much for the feedback.
I will go and visit her and I will be at the funeral for Willa as well.
I haven't thought about so many of the older ones I grew up with just because I didn't want to know if they had died.
I try not to remember anyone, but this has just really hit me hard. I think it would do me alot of good to go to the funeral even if they turn me away, I will know that I did try to go. I will go to the grave site and say my final goodbye to my dear friend.
Jes
-
mattnoel
Go to the Grave !
You need to, at the end of the day, she no doubt missed you when you left, if there is an afterlife or something she has probably realised by now what a load of crap the JW's were and would be glad to see ya visit ! If the JW's are right and you just die, well she wont know any different anyway.
At the end of the day, she meant a lot to you and you are paying your respects to HER not her religion.
Good luck !
-
Swan
My husband and I are planning a trip across the country this year. I was hoping to stop in Bloomington, Indiana to visit my niece's grave and leave some flowers. She died last August in a car crash. I called the funeral home that took care of her remains, but found out that she wasn't buried. She had been cremated and her parents took her ashes. So with that plan foiled, how do I find the closure I seek? I have decided to buy her some flowers every August 21, the anniversary of her death, and just enjoy them in my home and think of her. That will be my closure. Something beautiful in my life on that day to remind me of her beauty now gone. I think it is a good plan.
Jesika, it is so good to seek that closure. It is very healthy. If you cannot locate her grave, then do something else in her memory. She liked children. Maybe you could make a small donation in her memory to the local children's hospital. Or you could read to some of the sick children there. You could plant some flowers for her in your garden this spring. You could arrange with your child's teacher to bring a special candy treat some afternoon (my mother talked to my teacher and brought ice cream cups to my class on the last day of school. I was really popular that day!). There are many other things you could do to honor her memory. The important thing is to make it also meaningful to you, so that you can find your closure.
Good health and happiness.
Tammy
-
jws
I say go to the funeral. It will give you closure and, not that you care, but it sends a message to the others of how you are willing to pay your respects, regardless of how they feel towards you. And it comforts her family.
In the case of funerals, many people are grieving and they tend to put their shunning aside. I've seen such events as places were people will talk to the DF or shunned.
And go to the other gravesite too. It will all help you.
I too know how you feel. My great aunt died and nobody told me until a few years afterwards. The same thing happened with her husband. When he later died, I never heard about it either. But then again, since my mom died, news from that side of the family didn't travel well. It had nothing to do with the JWs, but I still felt left out and it hurt.
As for going to a JW wedding, I was back in my old town when a sweet old sister had died. Part of a couple my father and his wife were best friends with. They were always happy to see me and talked to me, even though they knew I wasn't active. I wanted to go, but I was in town on business and they scheduled the funeral during the day so as not to interrupt meeting schedules (with the dual hall and multiple congregations, almost every weeknight there's a meeting going on). I wanted to go, but couldn't. But I didn't feel the least bit intimidated about going. And I know the family would have appreciated the gesture. To see that somebody they haven't seen for a while made the special trip means a lot to them. I know it did when my mother died. It let me know exactly how special she was and what she meant to others. And that even though they may not have been active JWs, they came to her funeral because of what she meant to them.
Now listening to one of those talks that are basically advertisements to non-believers... Avoid that if you can. I couldn't stomach one.