I NEED you all's opinion!!! Please read................................
And take me too. Jennie loved "Grandma Oretha" and so did I. I'm glad she got to hold Jackson before she died. It was sudden, by the way, and we heard about it through the Almighty Grapevine. I was crushed because her family had a garage sale of her things about a week after the funeral and no one told us about it until weeks later. I would have loved having a keepsake of her. She was a grand lady, a true Southern lady: her house was always open and she always, ALWAYS had a ton of food around. She believed in feeding people under any and all circumstances. And, my dear Jesika, I don't believe she would have turned you away if you had knocked on her door.
I'm still trying to find out the particulars of the funeral and will let you know as soon as I hear something concret. It's evidently still a little up in the air because the new White Rock KH is not completely finished. Willa White's funeral will be the first event, if it comes off on Saturday. I've left a couple of messages, and talked to one person who is rather a gossip and is pretty blown away by what I had to tell her, so it will be interesting to see how THAT translates.
Hon, I'm sorry you heard it from me in that way about Oretha. That will teach me to try to carry on a serious conversation while putting together a patio table . . . .
Lots of love and LOTS of hugs,
go, jesika, and know that you will have all of us with you in spirit, understanding how you feel, and offering comfort.
I feel for you ((Jesika)). Not much I can add to the wonderful comments you've already gotten but I would say that you should go visit the gravesite. It means something to YOU and YOU will feel better for it. As for what to say, don't fret about it. Just say what you feel at the moment or say nothing. Sometimes when I stop by my aunt & uncle's graves it's just for a few moments and nothing needs to be said but I feel better for having gone and maybe reliving a memory or two.
Your feelings are your feelings, don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel OK Yes, If you want to go to the cemetary go. I went in Florida to visit all my relatives that had passed away and it made me feel better. I talked to my Uncle and Grandpa etc. I was bawling and the people that were at the little church were so sweet they just left me alone to walk and cry.
I still want to go visit my Grandma's grave in California I didn't attend the funeral becasue I was 9 and I want to go out of respect/
PS My daughters biological grandmother died in 2000 NO ONE told me I had known this woman since I was 16, I was devasted to here she was gone and even mores so that the family had no respect for me or Melanie to notify us.
I have been going over in my mind what to say, and I have been re-living her memories, I am sure I will know what to say when I get there.
As far as the recent passing of Willa White, I called my mother (who isn't df'd or da'd) and she wants to go with me. So, they can hault me at the door if they want to, but I think having my mom by my side will put them in a bit of a bind (sp?).
I went out with my bf and saw the "Chicago" movie (great movie), and didn't tell him untill we went to the pool hall---about the deaths I just found out about.
He was very understanding, and my shooting sucked since I couldn't consentrate on what I was doing.
So, I am at home now and I am still crying about not being told about this, If it hadn't been for Cruzanheart I would have missed another funeral.
I plan on going this Saturday I don't care if they let me in the door or not, and I will visit the grave of Oretha. *hanging head* I miss her SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This has made me think of the enormous control the organisation has over us.
As a loyal JW, I used to feel guilty if I ever went to my daughter's grave. I would feel like a criminal, looking all round me to make sure nobody was there as I entered the cemetery. I just wanted to make sure her grave didn't get overgrown or look horrible. I didn't want other mourners to think I didn't care about her. I often saw graves that were overgrown and I would feel bad. I knew she wasn't there, but I wanted to make a little garden, I suppose, and show her, in a weird sort of way, that she was always on my mind.
I was told by many JWs, including elders, that I wasn't wise to go. I was firmly told that she wasn't in that place and I wasn't putting enough faith in the ransom or the resurrection.
Now I go every week, and though I know she can't hear me (or can she, I just don't know anymore), I talk to her.
You do whatever you feel is right for you. Don't even think, for one moment, what anybody else thinks. Do what makes you feel better. Do what ever gives you personal comfort. Go and speak a few words to your good friend, and I am sure it will help you to heal.
Closure is sooo important, if you don't do what your heart desires you will have many regrets.I suggest you take a little blanket sit down have your own private conversation and a good cry, this may sound a little melodramatic but you will feel so much better in the morning.
No you're not crazy. Love (agape) never is. Go to her grave, make yourself comfortable and have a nice long chat.
thanks for your moving comments about your feelings.
You should go along to her grave and do what you feel
in your heart. These are true feelings, and you should
not suppress them. You wrote about 'missing her so
much'...so you have great affection for her. Don't be
ashamed and pour out you feelings. You'll still have
many regrets, many unanswered question but you'll
be at peace with yourself.
May the God of tender mercies comfort you in this
very sad moment of your life.