Details of my Disfellowshipping

by Holy Grail 007 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Holy Grail 007
    Holy Grail 007

    I will tell you the truth because I do not tell lies and am always honest. In May 2006 I was diagnosed with Bipolar. My wife separated from me against my will. We were separated for about 3 years. I begged her to come home but she would not let me. One day I committed adultery with my next door neighbour. It wasn't something I planned or set out to do, It just happened. I regretted it straight the way because I knew my wife Samantha would divorce me if I told her. About a week later, 2 elders arranged a meeting (a Saturday) for me and my wife. After about an hour I plucked up the courage to admit to the elders and my wife that I had committed adultery. My wife immediately raised her eyes to heaven and said thank you Jehovah. To me, that shows she was looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage.

    On the Monday morning she was down the solicitors seeking a divorce. To me I had 2 choices. To hide my adultery and keep my wife or confess and lose my wife. I chose to confess because my relationship with Jehovah was more important to me than the relationship with my wife. On the following Wednesday (2nd June 2010, which was our wedding anniversary) I was summoned to a judicial committee with 4 elders. I didn't say much during the meeting because I was still in shock for what I had done. I think the elders thought I wasn't sorry and wasn't repentant so they disfellowshipped me.

    1 John 1:19 says, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Proverbs 28:13 also says, Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. That's what I did, I confessed my sin yet I wasn't forgiven. I don't understand why I was disfellowshipped even though I was very sorry. This is the problem, elders can't read hearts. I was at the Kingdom Hall when an elder announced it to the congregation that I was disfellowshipped. I was back at the Kingdom Hall the following meeting and went every time for 6 months. After this the elders came to see me and said they were not going to reinstate me. That really upset me so I gave up going to the meetings.

    I have lost my wife, who I loved, my 3 children my dad and all my family and friends because of the cruel practice of shunning. I have been on my own for the past 13 years with only one friend to speak to. Disfellowshipping has destroyed my spirit and soul and I have also suffered from severe depression and rarely get out of bed. The elders knew I had a mental illness called Bipolar which can make people do reckless things. The elders showed no mercy and destroyed my life. To take away the children, family and friends from a mentally ill person, through the practice of shunning, is both cruel and barbaric which means savagely cruel.

    King David committed adultery. Put Uriah on the front line of battle and and effectively murdered him then hid his sins from Jehovah which the prophet Nathan had to expose. Jehovah forgave David. Yes I committed adultery like David but I didn't murder anyone and I certainly didn't hide my sin from Jehovah. Why did Jehovah forgive David but not me? Does Jehovah have two sets of standards?

    I still have a great love for Jehovah and have prayed to him regularly for the past 13 years for forgiveness. I think Jehovah would have forgiven me by now because of what it says at Psalm 103:14 which says, For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. My discipline was not from Jehovah but from imperfect men, the elders, that are unable to read hearts. I thought the elders were supposed to visit disfellowshipped ones from time to time? So much for "searching for the lost sheep". My guess is, the elders just don't care.

    Jesus never shunned anyone. If you remember, the Pharisees rebuked Jesus for eating a meal with sinners. Jesus responded by saying, It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." In fact Jesus even spoken to Satan on one occasion, the greatest sinner of all. Shunning is cruel and barbaric which means savagely cruel. To me, shunning is a form of PSYCHOLOGICAL MURDER.

  • Diogenesister

    They actually said to you they were "Never going to reinstate you" In those exact words?

    I'm deeply sorry for what you are going through. Jehovah's witnesses is the absolute worst religion for those who are suffering with any mental illness. They have zero compassion, zero understanding and make zero allowances - despite their well researched, shiny, polished publications replete with all the latest buzz words. They drive a horrific number of people to suicide every year. I'm so sorry, no one deserves this.

    I do have to say I've never heard of someone being told they'll never be reinstated (even though they may be thinking it). But knowing watchtower as I do, if your mental illness is very apparent to the cruel as these words are are of no "use" to them. As a recruiter or worker.

    Watchtower is a cult. A machine that uses members for profit, whether it's 'managers' know it or not it's nevertheless a fact.

  • Holy Grail 007
    Holy Grail 007

    No the elders didn't say they were never going to reinstate me. They said they were not going to reinstate after I had been going to the Kingdom Hall for 6 months or so.

  • ThomasMore

    Holy Grail 007 - WTC reminds elders that 1 year is a minimum for being disfellowshipped. They probably wanted you to wait for that time to pass. However, DFing is handled differently from cong to cong. Some are incredibly harsh and some are unbelievably lenient. Aside from being unscriptural (see other threads about what was expected from the man in Corinth who was no longer considered as a Brother), DFing according to how JW's do it is unchristian and inhuman.

    It sounds like you have a lot of bitterness - I understand why. Maybe try looking at it from this perspective. YOU ARE FREE from WTC and it's cruelty. Live the life you have left and find joy in it. Seek continual treatment for your bipolar disorder - and thank GOD that you are no longer enslaved to WTC.

    As for continuing to ask for forgiveness. You admitted your mistake. You changed. Asking for forgiveness endlessly is like saying that God has not forgiven. I don't believe that is the case. You will make other mistakes - so ask for forgiveness for those. Let the other thing go.

    Please feel free to text me. I can offer some sincere words of comfort.

  • Hacche

    Kind of proves the elders are not "Spirit Directed" then as Watchtower say they are because as you said some are "incredibly harsh" and some "unbelievably lenient". I rest my case.

  • Foolednomore

    Holy Grail 007- Sorry for all that you are going through. Bipolar sure does not make it easy! Take one step at a time. Watchtower has no mercy on the mentally ill. Welcome to the forum.

  • ExBethelitenowPIMA

    So sorry for what you are going through

    have you thought about talking to the CO? You could request a visit and tell him exactly what the elders involved did

  • enoughisenough

    I am terribly sorry for what you have gone through, but know the JWs are not God's seek God and worship him is spirit and in truth ( which isn't to be found in the JWs will find truth in the Bible. Read it without the JW filters and as suggested, do your best to move forward and don't even think about returning to the lying, human degrading, judgmental religion...the GB are not the voice of Jesus!

  • BluesBrother

    I am sorry to hear of the loss of your family and your distress. Your comment

    “ I didn't say much during the meeting because I was still in shock for what I had done. I think the elders thought I wasn't sorry and wasn't repentant so they disfellowshipped me.”

    That reminded me of a case where a young sister did the same as you, a single action, she told my wife and I arranged a committee. I was not on it but it seemed a simple case that would be a reproof. She came to us in tears after the hearing having been d/f’d . We helped her draft an appeal letter and upshot was that the 2nd committee reversed the decision. I was not popular with the my own elders. I am sure though that she clammed up in fear and they miss read her. Elders are not usually insightful.

    In this case I do feel that there is more from the past that impacted on their decision. But again, I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in

  • resolute Bandicoot
    resolute Bandicoot

    How is your neighbor?? You may have been better off with her 007.


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