What is the worst thing about leaving? (page 3)

topanga

everytime my mother and i run into them they yell insults at the back of her head . she was in a very nasty ny congregation. they stalked her and caused trouble for her at work for years she could not hold a job.

Ravyn

I agree with just about everything everyone here has said. After being out for 6 + years one thing I did not anticipate was the feeling that I was always looking over my shoulder. I find myself tongue-tied and shakey if I am approached by a JW in service(I have moved so many times no one knows what I used to be). I always say something dumb and regret not saying something 'brilliant' that will change their lives and help them get out too....

But always thinking that some old friend or family member will see me and 'turn me in' even today bothers me. Not from a guilty conscience by no means. I just don't want these people knowing anything about my life now or getting involved in it. I absolutely will NOT defend my position to anyone, but I feel obligated to come up with some kind of answer if I am ever cornered on it. I feel if I just refuse to talk to them I will be in their minds 'respecting' their position since I am 'apostate' now. If I could I would sue them for pushing me into baptism at age 12 and then changing the baptism questions in 1985. I think they broke their contract with me--not the other way around. I really do wish some fancy lawyer would pursue the angle that baptism under legal age is null. If I could I would have it legally declared annulled. I did not have a clue what I was doing. I understood perfectly the dedication to God, but not the fraudulaent and deceptive role of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Which as I understood it--my dedication was private and the baptism was THEIR public expression.

Ravyn

Billygoat

I think one of the worst things to me was the abandonment. I really believed I was without salvation from God. When God doesn't love you (which I was made to believe at the time!) who IS going to love you? It killed my self-esteem. It's since grown back and I still struggle with it, but things are so different now. I do feel I have a purpose. I do feel I am a contributor to those around me. And I feel loved and needed. After 10+ years of doubting any personal worth, I think I'm on the right track. It feels good to be alive!

AhHah

Sleepy,

I appreciated the honesty of this question, because leaving is very hard and requires very painful adjustments.

I can relate to many of the responses so far. I grew up in the JWs and did not leave until I was 42 years old (four years ago).

In addition to the pain of losing family relationships (see my post with my repsonse letter to my brother), I now have the pain of loneliness, of not feeling like I truly belong anywhere or that I fit in. It is hard for me to make new friends. Part of this has to do with a relocation and also just being older, I believe. But it is also about growing up feeling like an outsider. Even among the JW's I didn't have many friends -- when I was young it was because I was raised to follow JW policy very strictly, and for years before I left it was because I wore a beard and was more independent-minded.

I am making the effort to join more groups and meet more people, but I wonder if I will ever find close friends. I am open to suggestions from any who may feel the same way and have found new friends.

Matty

Wise words Victorian Sky! This thread has definitely made me feel a lot better in myself. The thought that people who currently "love" me, will soon consider me "Satanic" has been bugging me a lot lately, and I've always considered the loss of friends as the number one worst thing about leaving.

By the way, a very happy birthday to you today Sleepy - 29, only one to go before the big three-o !

pr_capone

The worst thing about leaving for me was the way I was treated by everyone that I once loved. One of my best friends never called me again.... just simply forgot about me as if I never exsisted. My relationship with my mother went down the drain because the elders were whispering bullshit in her ear. I felt very alone (which I guess is how I was supposed to feel in the WT point of view) and quite depressed.

PFC District Overbeer

ikhandi

It destroyed my relationship with my mother who is my best friend. Things between us will probably never be the same. We are slowly trying to get things back on track. She honestly believes that one day Jehovah will open my eyes and show me I need to come back to the org. NOT!

goofy

I hurt my Mom. She tells me she crys. It kills me.

What is the worst thing about leaving?

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