by MoeJoJoJo 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • email

    It's sad that that is happening to you... but I'm convinced that the WTS uses rumors and gossip for their own wicked advantage... and that is to deter people from doing the "evil" things you (and a lot of us here) have done ("Apostasy").

  • Cicatrix


    Welcome to the hotel California. "You can check out anytime, but you can never leave."

    We bailed last year, and my daughter married shortly thereafter. She got pregnant about a month after the wedding, and you can bet that they are counting on their fingers to see when the baby is born. Alas for them, we didn't make the date of their marriage public (and they got their license well before they married):) So we are having some fun with this one. A "brother" saw her hugging and kissing her new hubby in public. He didn't have a clue they were married and called my mother to "expose" her "shameful, wonton behavior" with a "worldly" man. Funny, wonder why he didn't call me:) Ironically, this man, who is so "concerned" about my daughter's behavior and its affect on the congregation, was accused by his own granddaughter of molestation. He remains in good standing at his congregation:( His granddaughter was villified-you know, you can't trust the judgement of a female, especially a worldly one -blaagh!).

    The rumors started about me before I left, because I reported to the elders when my husband hit me. Big mistake! Even though he wasn't a JW, it somehow became my fault that I got hit. Then my morality became suspect (you know, those men have to keep their womin in line somehow-blah), and the elder's wife and other "upstanding" members of the congregation were warned against associating with me.

    My heart goes out to you and your family!! I know well the frustration of trying to repair your reputation when there is no basis for the accusations that are leveled against you. Just understand, it's part of the control factor of a cult, or any other abusive relationship for that matter. They have to deliver to their "flock" some explanation of why you left, afterall, "No one would ever want to leave the court yard of Jehovah." unless "Jehovah's spirit left them" for some reason.I've found it helps to tell people I trust exactly what the situation is. I've gotten lots of support, because most people are smart enough to see through the BS. The ones who aren't are those who have their own agenda. I no longer think it's worth my time to try and defend myself against their ignorance.

    When it first started happening, I was beside myself with grief,and I kept trying to defend myself. A very kind woman in town took me aside and said not to worry about it. She'd heard the crap and didn't believe it, because people make those kind of accusations all the time where we live. She said that the people who matter will see through it, and the rest just aren't worth it.She told me to keep living just as I have been-that actions speak louder than words. Best advice I ever got. And by the way, if you stay calm and matter of fact about it, your accusers don't know how to handle it. They bank on an emotional reaction from you to add credence to what they are saying.

  • Celia

    I remember years ago, when I used to get the visit of JW ladies quite often, and I asked them in and I listened to them and tried to tell them my thoughts.... as if they would listen.... I had just read Barbara Grizutti Harisson's book, Visions of Glory, and showed the ladies the book and told them about some of the things the author had written.... You know what their answer was ? well, you can't believe anything Barbara is writing, she's a lesbian, you know.... I was shocked Even is she was, what does that have to do with what she discovered by being at Bethel ? Grrrrrrr....

  • onacruse


    Welcome to the hotel California. "You can check out anytime, but you can never leave."

    That is soooooo true!

    MoeJoJoJo, character assassination is the main, and usually the only, resort of JWs. They can't argue to the facts, so they resort to trashing the person.

    It's really very pathetic.


  • minimus

    There's nada you can do about what people might try to say about you.NOTHING. Do you want to go thru the steps of trying to see who said what, when? Enjoy your life and family and friends. You're dealing with truly ignorant people.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    The best thing you can do is the hardest. That is, just walk away. Cut THEM out of your life. You've got to realize these are sorry human beings and that's what sorry human beings do best. You're not going to change them, or even punish them. But you can escape with your sanity and dignity intact.

    It was hard for me. All sorts of horrible stories went around the entire circuit about me. But one day I reached a point where I just said "Screw It, I'm not playing the game anymore". I told all my JW friends to NOT tell me anything. I don't want to hear anything good. I don't want to hear anything bad. I don't want to hear who's getting married or who has died. I don't want to hear anything. I also do not like green eggs and ham.

    Take care and good luck.

  • rebel


    Don't worry about these sad little people with their sad little lives.

    Apparently, I have legged it with another man AND have realised I am a lesbian (according to the gossiping old ratbags in my congregation) because I don't go to meetings any more.

    It only takes one pathetic, brainless moron to start a rumour and then they all chime in.

    Rise above it and try to feel pity for them. Their lives are obviously so boring that they have to make up stories about you. I am starting to find it amusing.


  • expatbrit


    I'm sorry to hear of that. It's sickening that they have to try and blacken your character because they can't accept the simple fact of your having rational reasons for not wanting to be a JW.

    While I would agree that it is best to try and not let these rumours affect you negatively, you might wish to do a bit of research and find out some specifics. I don't know your circumstances, but it's possible that the JW's wont stop at circulating rumours amongst themselves. Should they meet people you know in field service, they may well spread these rumours as a form of "damage control". This could adversely affect your personal/business interests, and that is definitely sue-able.

    This does happen, I've seen it. Ethics and responsibility are concepts that JW's are remarkably unencumbered by.


  • MoeJoJoJo

    Thank you all for your support and words of advice. I appreciate it and have taken it to heart. I'm sorry that many of you have had to deal with gossip as well: rebel, cicatrix, big tex, hilary It seems to be the common situation when people leave the org.

    I hope that if there are any lurking JWs they will read this thread and see that rumors they hear about ones who leave, are not always or are, most of the time, Untrue. And the reason why JWs would start gossip like that to begin with. Which is as expatbrit put it :

    It's sickening that they have to try and blacken your character because they can't accept the simple fact of your having rational reasons for not wanting to be a JW.
  • MoeJoJoJo

    Sheila, evidently whoever started this rumor has been thinking this about me all along. Sorry you had to deal with it too. They just need to mind their own business.

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