Should I be with someone who's had lots of pervious partners?

by Jxvi 32 Replies latest social relationships

  • Jxvi


    Thanks for reading (I'm sorry this is a little bit of a sensitive topic, though I'll try to be gentle.)

    A little back story

    I have been working so hard to build my faith this year, and I am finally at the point where I am beginning to trust God and I want to build an unbreakable relationship with him. I have also been studying with JW friends for the past year.

    Generally I have quite old fashioned values and I'm dealing with something in my personal life that I don't know how to deal with without God's grace and guidance, and so I humbly ask you wonderful strangers for your views.

    I am almost certainly falling in love with my best friend (by the way, I'm male, she's female). We have been getting really close recently - by that I mean we have a strong connection.

    I think we would be really good together, we're ambitious, we agree on nearly everything, and she says she thinks more deeply about life when she's with me. However, I have my reservations. She has had...a past, shall we say. She's had a lot of previous partners and one-night encounters, and it really makes me feel that if we had a relationship it wouldn't mean anymore to her than any of the others.

    I'm sure she wouldn't see things that way, she'd admit her mistakes and try to build something new. I'm struggling to get past this. As my best-friend I love her unconditionally and I forgive her past and look over it, just as she would with me. If she were to become my life-long partner, it would always bother me that she could undervalue herself so much.

    Everyone makes mistakes, I know that, I've made countless myself, but I originally came from a very strict Catholic household, and so I never got the opportunity to be with anyone (if you catch my drift without sounding too vulgar). I suppose that's always stuck - self worth and purity have always been important. I'm not saying I expect my future bride to be a virgin, I accept life happens, and it would be unrealistic these days to hope she would be. But, she wasn't even in love, many were strangers.

    I know we'd be great together, I just can't get past this. I don't wish to be judgemental and I can't lose her. I have prayed, consulted the Bible, and asked so many people. Most just say we live in a hook up culture and I should get over it, and maybe they're right. After all God would forgive, I just don't know. Please just give me your thoughts.

    Thank you so much,


  • Vanderhoven7

    Hi J.

    Just a heads up.

    Perhaps you are not aware that this is an exJW you will definitely not get encouragement to get closer to God via Jehovah's Witnrsses from anyone here.

    Most members here have been hurt very badly and been rejected by Witness family members and friends because they no longer believe that God is behind the Watchtower organization.

    Now as to your relationship with your woman will have to work that out between you, her and God. You see many things the same way. How about your faith in God, your moral values?

  • Listener

    I'll second what Vanderhoven said.

    Check out for information regarding the JWs.

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    If you think your life is complicated now, just wait until you become a JW. There are many things you will not discover until it's too late. I was 57. I was raised a JW, lived the JW life, studied, preached, gave talks, raised my kids. I knew the religion well.... or so I thought.

    Please go to like suggested. He lists articles from Watchtower's own publications. Simple facts.

    Life is only so long, decide what makes you happy. Will the risk of becoming involved be higher than the risk of loosing her? If you do 'get involved' and loose her, will it be worse than never trying?

    Only you can say, but something to think about. Good luck!

  • Finkelstein

    Go for Jxvi , she’s probably great in the sack with all that experience, see it as a blessing from Jehovah

  • smiddy3

    Should I be with someone who's had lots of pervious partners?

    Not meaning to sound like a dick ,but if she`s had a lot of pervious partners that should raise a red flag to you ? LOL

    Seriously though ,you should listen to what ex JW`s have to say about the religion in other words get both sides of the story before you commit yourself in any way.

    Their aren`t thousands if not millions of ex Jehovah`s Witnesses worldwide for no reason .Don`t be sucked in with the JW `s propaganda.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    Honest opinion?

    If I was your girlfriend and was shown what you had just written about me I would run a mile from you.

    Learn to stand on your own two feet (without an imaginary friend) stop judging her and appreciate her for the person she is now not her past.

    Is she already JW or will you spend the rest of your lives together with you trying to convert her so you can progress up their hierarchical ladder so you can have higher status within the religion.

    If she doesn't convert what about children. No Xmas or birthdays if you are head of household. If she's the head they will have them.

    Ask your girl friend to come on here so she can be forewarned about what her life would be like if she marries a JW.

    Wishing you all the best but please, please research jwfacts and stop going behind your girlfriend's back informing total strangers about her past. She may not be comfortable with that at all and it is also a good indication of your own character (trying not to be judgmental) the fact that you did this to your potential wife!

    Perhaps you would be better asking us here whether we think you are suitable husband material for her?

  • Finkelstein

    So Jxvi do you think she doesn't mind you talking about her easy to drop her knickers past openly in the public to strangers on the world wide web ?

  • menrov

    What is a lot? Seems you r more concerned with your future sex life than your future happiness

  • just fine
    just fine

    I don’t know what she was going through in the past, maybe she didn’t value herself, maybe she just liked having sex. Your comment about “if we had a relationship it wouldn’t matter to her more than anyone else” is naive. If she loves you, your relationship already means more to her than any of her non-relationship encounters. Sex doesn’t = love, and your relationship should be based on a lot more than sex.

    She deserves to be with someone who can accept her past and all, and not judge her or try to make her out as somehow damaged. Just because you have different morals doesn’t make you superior.

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