For Witnesses Who Want To Leave Fade, Disassociate or Get Disfellowshipped?

by minimus 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • IWant2Leave

    It really says something about an organization that takes so much thought to leave and still keep your family and friends intact. It's like mafia or a gang where you can't leave unless it's in a body bag. Just think about it, a grown up can leave their job, school, club, even the military once your time is done, and any other number of things. But with J W's it's all stress and strategy. I think it will get easier as time goes on. In my area of the U.S., even old timers are quitting, pioneers, m. servants and elders. I've had two C.O.'s that hinted that they would leave or resign from the traveling work, but have nowhere to go and no money for retirement. So they keep up the charade. Sad when you think about it.

    I'm in the second year of my fade, elders that I served with continue to call and I get messages that the congregation misses me. They want to know why don't they see me on Zoom? I think sometimes that I should D.A., but I have too much family in that would shun me.

  • Incognitatara62

    The outcome for me is the same regardless of which way I go. I have attempted fading over the last several months mainly because of my family. They now completely shun me since I stopped attending meetings and voiced my doubts. No action has been taken by the cong....yet. I'm simply going to move in with my life, finally, after 59 years and let the chips fall where they may.

    Jehovah does not change---Jesus is "the Truth"❣

  • JWTom

    In my opinion, fading is the least disruptive way to exit. Slow but also does not destroy your personal life in the process. The reality is if you leave too fast you may have so much collateral damage that your life does not become manageable for years. Let's face need to have a manageable life in general related to finances, relationships, work and so on or you can end up hating your life. Slow fade for me is the right approach.

    Depending on how strong your connections to the Borg are....other approaches may work well. Every situation is different.

  • minimus

    It definitely involves a lot of thinking. A few people just up and leave and it works out for them. Some stay too long and waste their lives. We only have so much time.

  • Phizzy

    Good point Min ! I left after 58 wasted years ! if only I had awakened fully much earlier !

    Never waste time in the Cult, thinking it will change, or your circumstances will change, once awake, plan your exit to achieve what suits you, then FFS GO !

  • minimus

    I waited probably 10 years before I left for various reasons especially because I didn’t want to kill my dear mother. But eventually I couldn’t take it anymore.

  • OnTheWayOut

    It's pretty well covered here already. Different folks have different reasons for choosing different paths.
    If someone chooses to fade and it doesn't work for various reasons (usually family asking too much), they can still just exit. But if you just walk away and lose contact with family, it is very difficult to get that back.

    While I am a huge advocate of fading, if I had young children being indoctrinated, I would look for a path that allows them to be free to pursue education, after-school sports or music, celebrate holidays, enjoy a normal life. That path typically involves a clean break and maybe a disassociation letter.

    But each person needs to decide what to do.

  • minimus

    Otwo, that definitely throws a monkey wrench into the strict JW parent. They have a difficult time being submissive to their husbands while the father repeatedly goes against Watchtower counsel.

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