I don't see how I will ever date as a witness

by nowawake14 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • nowawake14

    I am very headstrong when it comes to jw rules.

    Im not even gonna go there with chaperones. Screw that bs.

    I dont want to date a person with someone breathing down my neck. How the hell am I supposed to get to know him at all? I am a grown woman and I can handle it.

    Just depending on the person, I always thought some worldly guys were waaaayyy sexier and had a normal personality. alot of jw guys I know are psychos. Im not joking. Seriously.

    And guess what, everybody. I'm a young adult and woke up. So I have all the time ahead of me to pick and choose my bloke! 😁

    Got any stories to share of psycho jw men/women you were with?

  • WTWizard

    You will probably have a discussion with Brother Hounder about "marrying only in the lord" or that you must let them know every move you do "in case of fornication". Dating a worldly person in that cancer will only result in the hounders looking down on you. They do not care about you as anything more than a "sheep". Meaning too stupid to make your own decisions--backed up in their bible.

    And yes, if you pick from among the congregation, you will be stung. You will probably not get anyone that is even remotely compatible with you, and you will be hounded from start to finish not to spend time alone together. They will probably be all too happy to snitch if you do, because they don't want to be stopped from "privileges". Anyone that spends time together alone with a potential marriage partner is suspect of "fornication", and that will stop the man from becoming a hounder or either party from pious-sneering or going to Israel on those suicide missions. And most of them are going to raise children without any fun--no spending time after school in anything aside field circus, no holiday fun of any type, no vacation time where field circus doesn't totally ruin it, no nothing.

    Better to go outside of the religion and let the hounders squeak. I would also try to learn a difficult foreign language not commonly understood in your area, so you can use that to answer any questions the hounders will ask. They do not deserve truthful answers that they can understand because they will simply use it to bust you up.

  • Tameria2001

    I remember my mom kept insisting that I would only get married to either an elder or a regular pioneer, or both. People would tell me that I should only marry a brother who loves Jehovah more than me. Do you know what I said to that, well in my mind at least, Bull $hit. I decided whoever I was going to be with was going to love me more than anything else, well except for maybe his own mother. Anyways, I always made a point to do things that would put most JW males off, and I did it on purpose because I was not going to be someone's footstool. I got enough of that crap from my dad who was never a JW, but still a controlling abusive prick.

    Eventually, I did meet my husband at the end of kingdom hall build, and no I was not looking for a brother either. At the time I was with the building crew as a regular member of the electrical crew. Little did I know at the time, my future husband had no interest in the world of the Watchtower (he was also raised up in it).

    They would say that we were supposed to have chaperones, but no one ever wanted to play the part, so we dated without any. We knew how to bend the rules without getting into trouble. The funny part was after we have been married for a little over a year, a sister saw us doing stuff (making out). She said she was going to report me to the elders and I would have to face a judicial committee. I looked at her and told her straight to her face FAT CHANCE, and held up my hand with my wedding ring on it. Never had any elder come talk to me.

  • zeb

    Thus you have met one of the wt 'dragon-class'. One who an overseer once referred to as having a "hyper-active conscience"..

    It is a pity you didnt let her go running to the elders to dob you in. But flashing your wedding ring was a good move.

    She was in the dark as SHE never got a wedding invite.

    We never attended one wedding and the mother asked us later why. (So her daughter is married but she was noting all who were not there..?) I said,

    "we didnt receive an invitation."

    "But everyone was there"

    "Well we are not everyone". So the simple and honoured cultural norm of sending out invitations was ignored as everyone as some tribe would be expected to attend .And, weddings in that time we did attend where the elder presiding sounded not unlike a wt study, but the after part was something of a circus as kids ran amok, boys hopped in to the food before grace was said, babies all bawled and everyone dressed in their finery all sat down and didnt dance with anyone except their husbands or siblings.

  • nowawake14

    Jws get pretty invasive over your love life. I'm not going to deal with it, so It may be best for me to not pick a jw. I can't stand the scrutiny.

    I've never actually been with anybody before, so that's a plus. Now I can dodge a bullet, and stay away from a scrutinized jw love life and be normal.

  • truth_b_known

    I was raised as a Witness. I had just turned 19 when I had my first "girlfriend". I was still living at home with my parents as $8.00 as a day laborer wasn't going to make me self-sufficient. My mother found out from my sister that I was seeing a girl from a neighboring congregation. My mother flipped out. She went on a rant that about me getting married and moving my wife into the house with my parents. My mother told me to break it off or move out. That was not a problem as the girl I was seeing was just looking to get married and use me as her personal welfare check. Later my sister told me that my mom was more concerned over becoming a grandmother.

    The next date I had was when I was in college. There was this girl in one of my classes that I was attracted to. At the end of the semester we had to attend class in business apparel as our final exam was a mock job interview. Being that it was a night class and we were all dressed up, I asked my classmate if she wanted to go out after class. She said yes. We had such a great time. She gave me her telephone number. It was a much better experience than dating a Witness.

  • tiki

    First...I would not want my child to marry someone they had never been alone with. And I would hope that before making such a commitment they were very in tune with each other on all levels. I also see in the religion that truly falling in love and romance is completely over-ridden. They push a very cold approach to marriage..to only care about their version of "spiritual" and to completely ignore important factors like compatibility. Another problem is the sex thing. Witness parents often allow their kids to marry way too young to avoid them having sex without marriage. They aren't even fully mature...have never been alone with eachother and most likely cannot support themselves properly...and there they are. Married and miserable. People should grow up...have careers...be able to live independently...enjoy a circle of friends and peers and fall in love. Communicate freely with the loved one...commit to marriage if that is their choice.

  • Ding


    Are you in a situation where you can leave the borg by disassociating or fading and get a normal life?

  • GetMeOutofHere

    But don’t you want to marry an elder?!l so that you can spend the rest of your life supporting his privileges?

  • Giordano

    Things were a lot more relaxed in the early 1960's when I met and married my young wife........ this is when I was pioneering where the need was great.

    Our first date was to a Drive-in........ can't get more casual then that.

    We spent plenty of time alone.

    Because we were able to spend a lot of time together we got to know one another really well. Got married and 56 years later we are still in love.

    After we were married the Society came out with 'new light' no anal sex which didn't occur to us and no oral sex.

    Say what?

    In our young 20's we decided being JW 's was what really sucked and walked away from the religion.............that probably saved out marriage. Going 'normal' was very helpful.

    She was beautiful then and still is. I was handsome then but not so much now.

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