For My Kids

by myjourney 28 Replies latest social family

  • myjourney

    Thank you for your responses. To clarify, the possibility of me separating is a last resort. I will say, since the JW organization gives the full power to the man in the household, as the wife, I'm finding it difficult to get the balance I'm seeking. I've been completely honest with my husband and my feelings, questions, and realization that this isn't "the truth." He said he would respect my decision, but as our children's father, he has a responsibility raise them as dedicated JW's. I told him that as their mother I had the responsibility to raise them to make their own choice and give them the tools to make that decision. I've proposed he be able to take them to one meeting per week and out in service once a month, but I get to give them birthdays, Christmas, and other celebrations. I also told him I wouldn't home school, but I would be an active parent volunteer in their schools, including not removing them from class parties, sports, or other activities.

    I love my husband, but my ultimate responsibility is to my kids. If he can't agree to some amount of balance, he may leave me no other choice.

    Thank you for listening, and if you have any other advice on how to proceed, I'm all ears.

  • Crazyguy

    You have one major advantage your not baptized! I don't know the ages of your kids but you can have open and honest discussions with your children. Start making a list of all the problems with the organization and what they have and are now teaching. Also have a list of all the scriptures they have changed in thier bibles. Then make a list of all the reasons why the bible is not a book to be taken seriously, all the prophecies that didn't come true , mathematical mistakes, contradictions and just plain crazy stories like Noah's flood.

    Show your kids the science behind ice core samples and how they have 800,000 years of ice core and none of it shows a global flood. Mention how one drop of breast milk has I million white blood cells showing God didn't want people to kill themselves by not eating blood.

    Get old copies of JW litature showing how their wrong all he time. Introduce these things slowly and as the kids mature enough to understand and if your husband says something just say all the evidence shows you have been deceived. The chances are very good all your kids will leave the cult. I wish I wasn't baptized!!

  • never a jw
    never a jw
    Whatever you are willing to give up to remain together, baptism of a child, even an adolescent, should not be negotiable. You can offer very good reasons to your husband and children to postpone that decision until the person has a full understanding and possible ramifications from that decision. Pew research statistics (2/3 JW's leave the religion they were raised in), the shunning videos, and the cruelty directed to those whose parents push them towards an early baptism are good reasons to postpone such a huge decision
  • LisaRose

    You are not crazy for considering this, your children do only have one shot at being raised with options, but is that really the only way to accomplish that.

    I suggest marriage counseling before you take this drastic of a step. Maybe if your husband realizes the seriousness of your feelings he will be willing to compromise. You need a neutral third party to help you come up with a solution you both can live with. If you get divorced he would still have visitation, and you couldn't stop him from trying make them JWs anyway, so why break up an otherwise good marriage?

  • carla

    It has been my experience that jw's do not/will not consider a "neutral third party". Why would they? everybody else is part of satan's world and have no love for jah. They will however consider going to the elders with all your personal business if they find it necessary. (which naturally makes it way around the cong)

    I hate to say it but jw's are not the most trustworthy people, even if the husband agrees to not preach or to allow certain things they will make sure to guilt the kids as much as possible about it. They will take every advantage they can to sneak in jw doctrine and crazy nonsense. Don't forget the doom and gloom and the glee over the news with bombings and other world events. Make sure to point out on a regular basis all the wonderful things humans are doing to help each other everyday. Help them to see the world without the blackened glasses of the jw world.

    I am not/never been a jw, in fact I have been opposed since my spouse joined up from the beginning. I do not get the official 'apostate' label never having been a jw to begin with. But I can tell you I sure deserve that label! When mine joined up and my kids were young I did everything I could to make sure he could not preach at them. Teach your kids critical thinking skills, educate them about the jw organization including the flip flops, sexual abuses, shunning, no blood, history and so on. No need to lie about anything, these are all facts. I never allowed my kids to step foot in a kh. Yes, it was a rather hellish time when this all went down. Years later we are still together, enjoy each others company and do many things together. I have given up trying to discuss anything jw and realize he must come to the truth about the truth on his own.

    If the jw's had any truth they would not care about scrutiny, only people who have something to hide don't want you looking into them too closely.

    We always did and still do holidays, my kids got birthday cakes & parties, Christmas, Easter and Halloween. It is a shame that dad is not in the picture for these events both figuratively and literal.

    Today my kids are grown and out of the house. They have become Christians (no, I do not believe jw's are Christian) and pray their dad will wake up one day. They still love their dad as does their mom.

    If your going through hell keep going! You will get out the other side and it is possible to bring the family intact. Things will get rough but they can get better.

    Wishing you all the best.

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    Wow.....thats hard. One one hand you love your husband and he is a good father. After all.....he is a victim too.

    On the other hand, what he believes is right, is going to hurt the kids (most likely), in the long run.

    the thing that confounds me is that you are not baptized. So he marreid an unbaptized woman. Clearly he has a bit of a disobedient streak. Is it possible while trying to have a discussion about balance, that he would agree to "study" your doubts and misgivings?

    It seems like a shame that you two are so open with each other, but unable to really get into it. It is so rare to even have the opportunity. I tell people all the time if my wife left.....anyone can.

    I'm glad its a last resort, but a divided household with an uber-JW......that sounds like a fresh hell. Especially as you totally fade and the hall starts badmouthing you and your choices (marks mommy......thats happening btw).

  • DesirousOfChange

    Most important thing for your children's future is a good education. Home schooling will put them at a huge disadvantage. Don't them this disservice


  • truthseekeriam

    Good for you! Stick to you guns and your kids will thank you later.

  • myjourney

    Just a follow-up. ..

    First, thank you for the support and advice. I have no one to share with except a person at work, it's great sharing with those who can understand

    My husband and I have been talking about balance. Unfortunately, he is putting his foot down on most of what we've discussed. He seems to be digging in now that I'm pushing back. I told him the deal breaker is baptism. When I asked him if he would let our children get married at 12 or 13, he said of course not. I then said that he would encourage our kids to make a life long commitment with greater consequences than marriage. I asked what he would do if at 20, his son or daughter decided this wasn't "the truth? " When he said he would have no choice but to disfellowship as Jehovah instructed, I broke down. Who is this man that I love, the father of my children, the man I pledged to spend my life together?

    The stress of this life I have chosen is physically making me ill.

    I'm not giving up, but I'll admit my heart is breaking. How do you live this life?

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen
    Who is this man that I love, the father of my children, the man I pledged to spend my life together?

    Unfortunately his personality has been replaced with a cult-approved personality.

    You have done well so far. Stay strong! You're not alone...

Share this