For My Kids

by myjourney 28 Replies latest social family

  • myjourney


    I haven't been on here much, but every so often I try and keep up with the discussions.

    I'm sure this topic has been talked about before, so my apologies in advance if I'm repeating.

    A little about me...

    I'm a non baptized JW married to a devout JW. Both my husband and I were raised in the organization. From the time I was young I couldn't drink the kool-aid. In my early adult years, I tried. I studied, went to meetings, out in service, you know the gig, but Thankfully I never took the plunge. During this time I met and married my husband. Fast forward, 3 kids later and i'm dying inside. My husband is pushing me to homeschool for obvious reasons, dragging them to every meeting and out to service. There isn't any balance in my children's lives. It's a repeat of my childhood all over again.

    So my question, more and more I've begun thinking of separating from my husband. I feel like it is the only way to offer balance in their lives. Despite my husband's objective I returned to work so financially I'd be ok. More importantly, we would have to split time with the kids giving me several days a week for normalcy. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, he's a wonderful father if you could remove the JW influence and has been an attentive, hard working, and loving husband. However, I can't sit idly by and watch my kids being brainwashed, I'm their only shot at life.

    Am I crazy to be considering this drastic step? Anyone else living an anxiety filled life? How do you handle watching your children living a lie? I can't continue living this way!

    Thanks for listening.

  • freddo

    This may sound incredibly naive but if separating is on the table what have you got to lose by trying to save your marriage first but do the following anyway?

    A) Telling your husband why you believe jw's to be "wrong" in their world view - ARC/Generations/False Prophecies etc.

    B) Telling your kids the above.

    C) Providing an alternative for them - education - non jw friends - being decent citizens - fun - helping the less fortunate - value of money?

    If you aren't baptised then "everyone" knows you haven't bought into the religion including your kids and husband. Tell 'em why!

  • Zana

    Am I crazy to be considering this drastic step?

    No, you want what is best for your children. But don't forget about the negative consequences a seperation can have for your kids, too.

    I am with freddo. Why don't you first start living a non-JW life more openly? Limit your meeting attendance. Spend time with your kids with non-JW activities. You love your husband, give him a chance to wake up (have you read one of Steve Hassan's books?), or at least - as a family - try to find a way to arrange your lives in a home where people have different beliefs. But first you need to show your disbelief more openly, I think. And voice your opinion, that too much JW exposure is bad for children (violence in bible books, talking about sex / armageddon in meetings, ...). To me it looks like that talking about separation would come very much out of the blue for your husband.

    Myself I am lucky that my wife is not a very devout JW. Family comes first in her order of priorities in life (although she wouldn't admit that Jehovah is not her number one priority). What about your husband?

  • Zana

    There isn't any balance in my children's lives. It's a repeat of my childhood all over again.

    It's not. You know TTATT. Your parents didn't. You can give them balance in their lives. And you can demand the right to do so from your husband without separating from him.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Agree with previous posters. Be open about your concerns. Fight to keep an equal position as a parent in having a say regarding your children's upbringing. Definitely no home schooling. Encourage your children to participate in sports and extra curricular activities. If your husband is intransigent then you fight hard. If the fight seems futile then you go to the separation part, but making sure that your kids understand clearly that you have their best interest in mind. I am in a similar situation to yours, but I have the big advantage given by the God of the Bible, I am a male. I know, it sucks being a smart woman and an independent thinker in a Christian cult.

    You definitely have your brain and heart in the right places. You just have to proceed slowly and carefully.

  • TheListener

    You have a PM

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Three lives will be ruined if you do not put them first. If you can keep them and your husband all the better, you love the man. You already are preparing to leave, this says something about your turmoil and pragmatism. Good for you. You were never a JW if you were not baptized, that's the game. Play the card before divorce, let them have the world in increments as he reacts you will know where you stand. Give him the benefit of the doubt but keep your options open.

  • carla

    You can choose to protect your children, or not. Will it be hell for you to do so? Quite probable. That's your job, to protect your kids physically, mentally and spiritually.

    It is quite possible to get the kids out now and remain married. The marriage will go through hell for quite awhile but if there is love there it can get better eventually.

    You could try and keep it together and therefore you will have more control in their daily lives. Or should you separate every other weekend will be filled with jw activities anyway. Weigh all your options and have all your ducks in a row before you do anything. That would include checking into jw custody issues, an attorney who is familiar with jw issues, finances, etc...etc...

    Give your kids a chance at a normal life and they will thank you someday for it. Keep them in the cult and one day you may be the one posting here bemoaning the fact that they are shunning YOU the apostate or spiritually weak one.

    I wish you well no matter what you do even if it is nothing it will be difficult to live with.

  • joe134cd
    You need to speak to him first and see if you can find a compromise.
  • just fine
    just fine

    Do what you feel is the right thing to do for you and your kids. If you think telling him will do nothing except get the JW custody police going then don't tell him your doubts and call it quits.

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