First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • madisoncembre
    madisoncembre

    Hello. New poster to this site. I've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you. Bear with me as I am completely new to this. I have posted my first blog entry blow.

    Please follow me on Twitter if you are there. @MadisonCembree

    Blng link is here: https://the-lowdown-with-

    Thanks!

    So, I've decided to try my hand at blogging! I have a lot to say, so I'll be keeping it in pieces for now due to time constraints and also to not put you to sleep! As you should know by now, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. My mother's family had followed since the days of Rutherford. My great grandmother always showed me the convention pamphlet she held so dear and was sure to name drop Joseph (Judge) Rutherford's name since he was the keynote speaker. My mother's side of the family are all Jehovah's Witnesses almost without exception. All four of her siblings are still active JWs, and with the exception of two cousins who live on the other side of the country, everyone is still in the "truth". My father's side of the family is a bit more complicated, but his mother (my grandmother) and two of his three siblings still attend meetings and go out in field service.

    It was a trying time as many of you can probably relate when referring to the life we all must live as young JWs. My father was an elder for many years and was quite abusive, especially towards my brother. It was an unhappy family life to say the least! As a result, both me and my brother married early in an effort to get out of the house - my brother at 17 and me at 18.

    This brings me to the situation where I am at now. Let's call my husband "John". If I told you his real name, he'd be easy to locate because of the uniqueness of his name. John's family is wealthy, and his father was and is a powerful elder who owns a general contracting business. You can hardly throw a stone in the town I live in without hitting one of the homes he built. John was his apprentice and has taken on his father's many "qualities". But let me tell you something about John. He wanted to marry a sister in our congregation who was "spiritually weak". By that I mean she was known to date men and was easy to seduce. Let's call her "Chloe". John loved her and still does. But his father wouldn't hear of it, so he pushed John to marry the next best thing - me. At first, I was impressed by his family's wealth and stature within the congregation so let's be clear that I married him enthusiastically and the first few months were genuinely joyful. My father-in-law paid for a 3-week honeymoon in the Seychelles which I still have fond memories of.

    John was always explaining that he had to stay out late at night due to his demanding job. I found out later that it was a cover story to see Chloe and carry on an extra-marital affair with her. To be clear I have never caught them in the act, but as a wife would know, there were always tell-tale signs. There were cars parked out late in front of her home, the smell of unfamiliar perfume and suspicious purchases which later meshed with what Chloe was wearing. John also is a heavy drinker, probably due to the fact his father is and his long days at job sites.

    I got pregnant early on in the marriage and gave birth to my firstborn child 11 months after we were wed. Something changed though. Perhaps it was due to the change in both of our lives with an infant to care for. Perhaps it was due to his growing relationship with Chloe. Or perhaps John was and is an abusive man that explains why he started abusing me after our child was born. At first it was a slap in the face and me being told off that I needed to respect him. It eventually gravitated into full on fights where I was pulled by the hair and shoved against the wall. After one such night, he finished it off with a full-on punch to my face. Of course, I went to the hospital and lied to the police when they were called. Jehovah's name couldn't be tarnished in any way. We all met at my father in law's home to settle this and he settled it ias he always does - by throwing money at the problem. I got a nice Louis Vuitton bag out of it that cost thousands.

    I still have it. But I paid for it in blood as far as I was concerned.

    I will write more about John later, but this is about all the trauma I can take for one outing.

    Before I leave, I'll explain my current living situation. Last October I got out two children and left for my parent's home. It had gotten out of control. My parents took me in, but always with the expectation I would be returning to John once things got settled, or more specifically, John's father spread his cash around so everyone would be more eager to forgive.

    This time I would not forgive. By the time January rolled around, the pressure to reconcile with John was getting too much for me to handle. So, I had taken money out of our joint account and placed the deposit down on a two-bedroom apartment where me and the girls can live. Both John and my father-in-law were livid and cut me off on the spot. I found a job where I am working at now at the hospital which pays me a fair wage and enough to cover our expenses.

    Neither John nor my parents are aware that I intend to not only make this a permanent split from John, but also from the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    I have had enough. And I'm afraid that the real drama is about to begin.

    Talk to you soon,

    Madison.

  • enoughisenough
    enoughisenough

    You didn't get out soon enough as far as I can see. Stick to your resolve. thanks for sharing.

  • joe134cd
    joe134cd

    I started my fade in my late 30’s, I’m do glad I never married a Jw. One of the best decisions I ever made.

  • Chevelle
    Chevelle

    You're courageous woman Madison. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you and your daughters.

  • madisoncembre
    madisoncembre
    You didn't get out soon enough as far as I can see. Stick to your resolve. thanks for sharing.

    I absolutely should have. But as all people who have been divorced or separated from the other parent of their children can acknowledge, I wouldn't have my two girls. I just wish it wasn't with someone in the organization, and in particular, him. Sharing is all a part of my process. Thanks for the kind words.

    I’m do glad I never married a Jw. One of the best decisions I ever made.

    Nothing truer than this!

    You're courageous woman Madison

    You are too kind. I am only doing what needs to be done. The longer I wait this out the worse it is going to get. I've just stopped responding to the attempts to contact me so I am sure the pressure will ramp up with in person visits. By "in-person" I mean my parents and soon-to-be ex.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Best of luck in your journey!!

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    Welcome to the forum Madison.

    Thank you for sharing your situation.

    You did the right thing when you left John. I hope you have photos or some sort of documentation of the abuse you experienced. This will help if John and his dad threaten, out of spite, to take you to court for custody of the girls. I'm sure you are also expecting pressure from the elders to return despite the abuse.

    Hoping and praying that things turn out well for you.

  • madisoncembre
    madisoncembre
    You did the right thing when you left John. I hope you have photos or some sort of documentation of the abuse you experienced. This will help if John and his dad threaten, out of spite, to take you to court for custody of the girls.

    You bet I do! "John" was quite verbose in emails and abusive texts which he has piled on in his attempts to gaslight me into coming back. I have so many but they are traumatizing to even look at. I will make a blog post sometime in the future as to what I had to deal with from this creep.

    All upcoming! The pressure awaits! It's why I am writing my blog. Putting my thoughts down is what makes me think clearly.

  • truthlover123
    truthlover123

    madisoncembre

    Welcome and I hope not intrusive with my answer, as I see it-

    You sound very strong and capable for standing up for yourself. It's always a denial to think that when the abuse starts, things can be your fault and "if I try harder, it will get better." To go to the elders? No, they will tell you to stay with him and he will concoct a good story, but leaving out the mistress part, saying you are at fault and need to study and pray more

    It sounds like he continued seeing his mistress and abusing you to try and get you to leave, of course, citing that you left him and the elders would see you as "Spiritually sick" and poor him! If you did that, you would have abandoned your home and would be at fault.

    Did you keep pictures? Have you contacted government services to report these issues? You need to get someone on your side as apparently, his daddy has money and lord knows who he knows...

    How can they cut your off a joint account? Did you speak with bank manager?

  • Hopeless1
    Hopeless1

    Madison,

    Truly I hope your story will end in at least some peace and freedom from the fears you have currently.

    What you have disclosed is traumatic and disturbing.

    It sounds like your husband is a psychopath, and I fear for your future, and that of your children, but hopefully, maybe, people at your place of work may come to understand your situation and perhaps be able to give a level of support.

    Your neighbours also, might be alerted to the fact this man may cause you physical harm, and be ready to help?

    In the meantime, are there any local charities that help persons in your situation, that you could reach out to?

    I find it hard to trust people after leaving JW’s, but I know there are many out there who would help if they knew your situation.

    Since I live in the U.K. I am personally of no use to you at all, (aged, sick and impoverished, wouldn’t you know it?) - but I wish you every good thing and every blessing you and your kids deserve. ❤️

    Stay safe

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