My Bible Study Conductor's Letter to Me

by ohnightdivine 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • pale.emperor

    I think would be very happy if I heard those words from you...

    She wants you to say something to make her happy. How come she cant be happy regardless of what you say?

    I'd bin her off.

  • tiki

    Again...conditional a guilt trip with the if it weren't for we'd never have met part. Sad actually.... Be smart and let go. She was part of your life journey and that part is over, completed. Concentrate on present relationships and make a beautiful future for yourself!!

  • Xanthippe

    I'm sorry OND I understand your sadness. I left home at nineteen and went to another congregation to pioneer. I have very fond memories of the lovely people in that congregation. When you're a teenager they can be very kind, motherly and protective. The kindness makes a big impression at that age.

    Sometimes I too dream about that congregation, l wake up with a lovely feeling. It's just sad that they probably wouldn't speak to me if I contacted them now. Of course I can't say for sure but my pioneer partner from that town whom I lived with for a year doesn't contact me anymore so that gives me an idea.

    It's rough I know!

  • truth_b_known

    Like love, friendship is not conditional. If there are conditions set at the pretext of the forming of a relationship you are automatically exclude the nature of that relationship be one of friendship or love. With love and friendship, a difference of opinion cannot be a deal breaker.

    By definition, faith is "something hoped for." Faith is belief and belief is an opinion. Could you imagine a couple in a romantic relationship ending their relationship simply because one party says vanilla is the best flavor of ice cream and the other says its chocolate? Could you imagine two people being best of friends, growing up together, go through school together, suddenly ending their friendship because one is a Dodgers fan and the other is a Yankees fan?

    That's exactly what Jehovah's Witnesses teach. Spouse, child, sibling, best friend - all these close relationships are meaningless if you change your mind about your opinion that Jehovah's Witnesses are the one true religion and all their teachings are true. Jehovah's Witnesses have to be honest and accept the fact that cannot be a Witness and be in love with someone or have a friendship with someone.

  • Incognito

    You haven't shared your email to her but it was likely more a warm and friendly communication to a close friend regarding your personal relationship with her and her family.

    Her entire message back to you is about JW activities and behavior. Perhaps due to translation, it seems to be a cold reply. She also does not appear to continue to consider you a close friend as she said: "Let's become close friends encouraging each other!"

    Once I stopped JW attendance, I found there is little in common to talk with JWs about including family, as they seem lost if not talking about anything other than JW meetings and service activities, people at their hall, their vacation plans and what they watch on TV.

  • ohnightdivine

    I just feel so sad. This has been dragging on for a few years.. it's been hard to let her go. It's like trying to forget everything that has happened for around half of my life.

    But thinking now that she probably doesn't care about me anymore unless I do everything to "please Him" and "walk in his ways", I think it is time to accept the reality.

    It's not like I have stopped living my life.. On the contrary I've been so busy with many things. I just feel that someone whom I loved dearly as a person no longer recognizes me, and has forgotten that I existed.

    Thanks again everyone.

    PS. Hi Incognito - yes, the translation renders it a bit cold. But the content was everything about JW... she's been very active in the field service and has not missed a meeting except when she got seriously ill. If I were still an active JW, I think we could still have been close... but I think that's enough. As Tike has mentioned, that part of my life journey is completed.

  • john.prestor

    It's not the translation, let's not take away from the fact that the woman wrote you one long extended guilt trip.

    I get it, it's hard to move on, hard to accept this person doesn't care about you unless you accept her faith, which really means doesnt care about you. I met people like that too when I studied Jehovah's Witnesses, sweet older ladies that called me their pseudo-grandson or called themselves my grandmother, but the truth is if I told them how I really feel, what I really think or don't think, they wouldn't like it and I bet you good money they'd either cut me off or distance themselves at least, or try the same approach this woman tried with you.

    Don't let this woman shame you into submission. Shame is toxic, it crushes out spirit, weighs us down. To hell with her.

  • Incognigo Montoya
    Incognigo Montoya

    It's funny, out of all the people in your congregation, you formed a friendship, a very close relationship by your admission, with her. Just because you were her BS (funny how Bible Study shares an acronym with what it truly is...), doesn't guarantee a residual friendship, let alone a close family like connection. Personalities and interests are undoubtedly more important factors, when forming a friendship. This is why any one of us is drawn to another. Even within the congregation, while most everyone perceives and refers to the other congregants as "friends", there are close friendships formed while others are not pursued or even avoided, on the basis of interests and personalities. When it could have been anyone else in the congregation you formed a close bond with, it was her. Her nurturing undoubtedly played a large roll in your connection as well. The description of your connection with her, sounds as if you view her as a mother. There are, however, a great many people who love their parents, but dislike them. They still talk to them, associate with them, respect and love them, despite differences in belief or opinion. So this bond you have with her obviously goes beyond that, especially since she's not biologically related. So, if the close bond, between the two of you, was only formed because of your belief and adherence to Jehovah, and more specifically the JW doctrine, why is it that there isn't this bond between you and any other congregant? Something that she fails to recognize or at least acknowledge. Something the FaDS prefers their sheep to ignore. If your friends and loved ones no longer adhere to our teaching, shun them. Put aside all of the reasons you loved that individual, ignore your natural instinct. Put them out of your mind. Jehovah will provide other friends, sons, daughters, and parents for you...

    Sorry you lost your friend. Remember a real friend doesn't hinge their friendship with you on whether you believe what they believe. Some of my closest friends have different belief systems than I do, but we share other interests, and focus on those, allowing philisophical differences to just be. I hope you have friends who accept you for who you are, and continue to cultivate those true friendships, that are not in jeopardy of being severed by a mere difference of opinion, or belief.

  • steve2

    She done put you in your place. Now, when you get to "your" place, contact her and say, "Hey Sweetie, I'm ready for some more indoctrination."

  • ohnightdivine

    Thanks everyone. I guess I should have sought advice earlier than I did.

    I still have 2 other "very close friends" who are also JWs; one is already awake and the other one is just going through the motions and we rarely talk about spiritual things. We've been encouraging to each other on a personal level - family problems, work and achievement, health, study, hobbies, and other things that we can disagree on.

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