I apologize. I'm not trying to hijack your thread. Just want to praise OneEyedJoe's profound analysis of JW "brainwashing".
"It just hits her emotionally as a big red flag of fear and terror and sadness... and she can't handle it and shuts down. It's designed to do this so that you can't get past it. It's designed to be a wall too tall to climb so that she won't put in the effort even if you try to work through it with her. That said, it might be something you can get past, but be patient and go slow because it's going to be difficult for her."
Your words are absolutely brilliant !
They aptly characterize the situation I've been facing in trying to get my Non-JW self together with a really special JW gal, where there is obvious mutual attraction countered by JW "brainwashing". Very sad.