"We dont mourn the dead"

by HereIgo 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Tantalon

    I attended my not JW Aunt's wedding a couple of years ago. My aged parents, JWs, attended, the deceased being Mums sister. It was a secular memorial service They reserved seats for her up the front with other blood relatives, the deceased's children. She declined and sat up the back.

    It was a really nice service, lots of family photo's and talks about Aunty. She was a really good community minded well liked and respected lady. Lots of tears and hugs, but no tears from the last sister my Mum. My folks came across so cold it embarrassed me deeply, especially as I had attended primarily to support them. Aunty had died from complications following heart surgery. When I tried to discuss with Dad some of Aunty's good works which I had previously not known his response was "it was probably the blood transfusion that killed her".

    I am still angry. Still it was this which finally woke me from 40 years of being a JW apologist. I could never quite make the mental break until this moment.

    Not looking forward to attending Dad's service when he goes, I will have to be good, I promised wifey.

  • sir82

    A JW funeral is a farce. It's completely scripted . You don't even have a choice in music. Or no JW music. Let alone their info commercial talk.

    Not only is the loved one that has left barely spoke of , but grieving Family and Friends are not allowed to speak.

    Unless of course you are a JW heavy - prominent elder, CO, branch committee member, GB helper/member, etc.

    In which case, you get elaborately printed brochures summarizing your life, with a photo-collage and testimonials.

    You also get a personalized talk in which another JW heavy (CO level or higher) eulogizes you. No infomercial there.

    Quite likely someone will rent a large venue in anticipation of the 500, 1000, or more who will wedge themselves in there.

    It's a whole different world, JW funerals for their glitterati, vs. for the typical JW peon.

  • Tantalon

    Well that's bizzare I have just re-read my earlier post and it says wedding instead of funeral, not sure wether to blame interweb or strange workings of the brain! most peculiar, obviously too late to edit! LOL

  • ttdtt

    I know 2 totally in JW families who had deaths in the family (before their time) who not only mourn - but more than 1 year later are destroyed by it still.

    They are mourning worse than many of the "world".

    Funny how just cuz you have "the hope" it doesn't always work as billed.


    hell, even Jesus wept when Lazarus died.

    I always wondered about that, because I think Jesus knew that he would resurrect Lazarus. Interesting that he still mourned him.

    It is normal to mourn those that we love because we know that we will not see them in our everyday life anymore

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    My father would scoff those in "Christendom" and say, "look at they way they cry when loved ones die. They claim they that their loved ones are in heaven - so why cry?!" The insensitivity and lack of human feeling is real among the Witnesses.

    Paul Grundy told me that Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays because "better the day of one's death." Right? "So why does the funeral outline specifically state that you can't even eulogize the deceased?" he mused.

    Witnesses are left with nothing. No celebration of life. No celebration of death. Just more opportunities to spew out cult propaganda that hijacks the grieving process. Shame.

  • stuckinarut2

    I realised at the age of 39 that I had never actually grieved or felt genuine sadness at the loss of anyone.

    Yes, because of witness culture and "protocol", I never cried or allowed myself to mourn a loss.

    That changed when I awoke to the truth about the truth, and the reality that this is our life NOW (not some utopian panda patting paradise)

    My uncle's funeral was the first time I was at a funeral that didn't follow the usual prescribed witness script. It was truely a cathartic experience. Sad, yes, but cathartic and therapeutic

  • OneEyedJoe

    Mourning the dead is one of the topics where JWs fall into the "protest too much" camp, IMO. I recall frequent talks and WT studies that went out of their way to say that we shouldn't feel guilty for mourning/crying about a dead loved one regardless of our faith in the resurrection. Why would anyone feel guilty about mourning? It's an absurd thought. Even with the resurrection you have to be without a loved one for what's likely to be many years and that can be difficult even if they're still alive, so of course you're going to be sad when someone dies. Then add in having to go through their effects and dredge up old memories....it's just insane to think that you ought to feel guilty about mourning or feeling some sadness. So why do they spend so much time on it? I think they want to put the thought into you.

    Those articles always say it's ok to grieve, but then go on to give examples of how people were able to be comforted by the resurrection hope. I think they present the idea of feeling guilty about grieving and then they basically say that you should be happy anyway (and indeed happier than worldly people because you'll see your loved ones "soon" instead of waiting to die and go to heaven) and when people aren't happy they inevitably feel guilty.

    They'll also say things about not judging others who mourn a loss for too long or something - again this is such a strange thought to come from a vacuum - it's not a common thing for people to judge others for mourning a loss...it's one of the most relatable human experiences. Again I think they're trying to put the thought in the head of the R/F JW. So many times when they say don't judge they follow up with instructions to judge others - they'll say don't judge others for their choice about higher education and then later in the article they'll say to be on guard for bad association even within the cult - how can you determine if someone is bad association without making some judgement?

    So much of the doctrine and advice around mourning the death of a loved one follows classic cult strategy - create a problem that wouldn't otherwise exist and then present the cult as the solution. JWs are prevented from properly mourning by being told that they'll see their loved ones "soon" and by being told to imagine seeing them in paradise which will come the day after tomorrow - they're forced to keep the loss in mind in a way that would almost make them feel guilty for moving on because if they move on and then paradise comes tomorrow just think of how bad they'd feel when they see their lost ones. They're left feeling guilty if they grieve, guilty if they move on and then given constant reminders of the loss. Then when they have a hard time with it all, they're told to do more study and more recruiting.

  • ShirleyW

    I made sure the Brother that I allowed to speak at my mothers funeral did not turn it into a recruiting session, since I've been told there's a script that they're supposed to use when speaking at a funeral, He may have used it, but he cut out the recruitment part, because if he tried to be slick and sneak it in since I was sitting right there on the first row, I would've shut him down.

  • BluesBrother

    "You don't even have a choice in music. Or no JW music"

    The last dub funeral I attended, the coffin came in to the strains of a 60's pop song that had been a sentimental favourite of the deceased bro. . At another one that I heard of they played the "Match of the Day" theme,since he was a big Manchester United supporter.

    As Dylan once sang, "The times they are a changin' " in J.W. land.

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