Screwed up sexually

by purrpurr 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • pale.emperor

    she was so slack i couldnt touch the sides

    That's known as "tardis fanny". Bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside. As is Dr.Who's police box. I've met this phenomenon twice before since leaving.

  • OneEyedJoe

    The sexual repression of the cult can definitely be quite damaging. As one example, my exwife told me of one of her friends that grew up having rape fantasies because she had such a strong sex drive that she wanted to be able to fulfill without guilt. This led her to make some pretty risky decisions from time to time...luckily her fantasy never came true, something tells me that she would find herself wracked with guilt that she would be unable to talk about.

    In my own case, I'm finding that it can be difficult to now transition into the real world, never having any practice dealing with the complexities of sexual relationships and the feelings that they engender. It sure would've been nice to have dealt with this stuff in my teens and early 20s when things are much lower stakes like most people.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    i'm lucky--i shook off all that cult repression and control as soon as my first wife chucked me out. straight into an anything goes live in relationship with the j-dub woman i had an affair with ( she got d/f for it ).. that lasted about a year--then i went free fall into casuals for a couple of years till i met wife to be 2.

    that 2nd marriage lasted 23 years till she sadly died at a young 58. i was pretty well monogamous during those years.

    after her death i got involved with wife to be 3--married a year after we met. bad mistake--for various reasons. i then went back into free fall mode again--in my 60's!

    been married to wife 4 for 2 years now--shes 22 years younger than me, and has a very healthy sex drive that keeps me more than satisfied.

    i reckon in the 50 years ive been sexually active ( from 20 to 70 ) ive bedded about 50 women, which for a bloke is about average i would think.

  • WingCommander

    Damn Stan! You're a god-damn sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me!

  • neverendingjourney

    I have been an exjw for almost 15 years. I left in my early/mid 20s.

    There was a JW girl I knew who had a crush on me when she was 18 or so. I'm four or five years older than her. I spurned her interest because she was known as being one of the bad JWs and I wasn't interested in that at the time.

    Throughout these 15 years or so, she's always made an effort to keep in touch with me although I try to keep my distance from her as much as possible because she's an incredibly damaged person and brings nothing but drama to the table. She's been in a series of abusive relationships and got pregnant at 19, a pregnancy which either ended with an abortion or a miscarriage (she's told me two different versions of that story). She carries A LOT of guilt around. She was what some exjws have taken to calling POMI, physically out, mentally in.

    I tried on a few occasions to get something romantic going with her after I became an exjw, but she spurned me every time. She seemed quite pleased to get her "revenge." At some point, I just started treating her like a normal female friend, albeit one I wanted to keep at arm's length.

    That's all context for the story I'm about to tell.

    Two or three years ago I get a phone call from her. Like I said, I've maintained more or less constant contact with her over the past 15 years. She says she's off work and asks me what I'm doing. I tell her I'm off work too because I had just moved into a new apartment and I'm waiting for the cable guy to set up my television.

    "So you don't have TV right now," she says. "No, all I have is a computer plugged into the TV, but that doesn't do me any good. I guess I can throw on some internet porn if I want to...haha" "Oh, you have porn? I want to watch porn with you. Can I come over?" She was completely serious.

    At this point I'm thinking maybe something's changed and we're about to get it on. So she comes over as expected and a few minutes later I do exactly what we discussed and threw on some porn. Ok, everything is going according to plan so far. I reach over to kiss her and...she starts kicking and flailing her arms around like I'm forcing myself on her.

    This IMMEDIATELY brought things to a halt for me. One, I don't get off on rape stuff. If she's not into it, it's not going to work for me either. Two, I've never been accused of rape and I'm not going to put myself in a position where she can credibly tell people I raped her.

    So I get up, turn off the television, pull up a chair across from her (I was sitting next to her on the couch) and start carrying out normal conversation pretending like nothing just happened. About 10 minutes later she said she had to leave and that was the end of it. We never spoke of it again.

    As time passed, I thought a lot about that incident trying to make sense of it (it really messed with my mind) and this is more or less what I think happened.

    She's a normal woman with a sex drive and on some level wanted to initiate a sexual encounter. Why else would she invite herself over to watch porn with me on her suggestion? Yet, she carries so much guilt around and views sex as sinful, so she can't bring herself to properly initiate the sexual contact, so she wanted to feel like she'd been coerced into it. That way it wouldn't weigh on her conscience as much. After all, the guy forced himself on her.

    That, coupled with the fact that she's been in a series of abusive relationships where, for all I know, the men she was with forced herself on her on a regular basis, may have resulted in a situation where she doesn't know sex to be anything but that. That might be normal for her. She has spoken of her first long-term boyfriend raping her and forcing himself on her, but I honestly don't know how much that's true and how much of it is a way to relieve some of the guilt she felt over the pregnancy.

    In any event, I wanted absolutely no part of that. It was damn strange. It's the only time I've ever encountered anything like that. Having a woman kick and flail her arms around when I move in for a kiss is not something I have ever been involved with, either before or since.

    She eventually went back to the KH and has been attending meetings more or less regularly. I expect that won't last very long, though.

  • neverendingjourney
    As one example, my exwife told me of one of her friends that grew up having rape fantasies because she had such a strong sex drive that she wanted to be able to fulfill without guilt.

    I just read this. I kind of ties in to what I was talking about above.

    The wt obsession with sex says that left alone for 2 minutes a couple would be at each other.

    This was a problem for me in the immediate aftermath of leaving the JWs. That was the default assumption I carried around with me. Taken a step further, if a woman puts herself in a position of being alone with you, logically that means she wants to have sex with you.

    I didn't understand or have any notion that there could be such things as platonic relationships, that you could go to lunch with a female co-worker without it being sexual. It also created an idea in my mind that sex is something that happens quickly when the opportunity presents itself without the need for flirting, courtship, and the whole song and dance that precedes it.

    It really screwed things up for me. I misinterpreted a lot of situations until I reset my expectations according to the standards that exist in the real world.

  • ttdtt

    I have to say that it was a big issue for our marriage. The guilt that is piled on normal human activity. Nothing the WT touches is left without scars and sadness.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    IF you really are "screwed up sexually," you may be doing it RIGHT! More power to you!

  • Vidiot

    I must have been luckier than most.

    I simply decided that the WT leadership was simply wrong about a lot of this stupid stuff, and as a result my sex life with my wife was always good.

    Little did I know that simply "thinking the GB was wrong about something" constituted "apostasy", according to the super-secret elder's manual.

  • blownaway

    I know its messed up a lot of people. I got the talk about girls who were not virgins were like a shirt that had been tired on by people in a store and it was dirty. did you want a shit new in the package or one that was dirty and used. LOL. The cult is deranged. The one thing I have learned is how deep people are in the cult. If they had proof of a video with the GB saying is all lies and BS they would not stop believing.

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