by whatisthis12 15 Replies latest social relationships

  • whatisthis12

    hello everyone,

    so i’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year. he left the jehovah witness community and we have been living together for one year. he hasn’t kept in contact with his family because he was disfellowshipped and hasn’t gone to any meetings. i found out that tomorrow he’s going to the memorial with all of his family. this will be the first time he’s seen them in one year. i just find it strange that he didn’t invite me, and that he’s going to the bigggest event they supposedly have. should i be worried? i understand he misses his family, and want to be supportive but i’m also afraid once he goes it’s going to make him want to start going back. is that being selfish?

  • Done

    Being on the other side of the situation I wouldn't be worried.

    I am ex jw, just married a never jw.

    I haven't even thought of setting foot in a kh since I left.

    But, if I were going to in the first year of our relationship idk if I would have said anything to her either.

    It could be embarrsment, he's awake and doesn't want to be there and doesn't want you to think less of him for going. I know I broke in or slowly brought my gf/wife into discussions of the religion and it took longer than a year.

    Ask him if he'd like you to come?

    hope this helps.

  • carla

    "Ask him if he'd like you to come?"- sorry, I have to disagree with that. If she goes and the bf sees his family for the first time in a year it will just give the whole family hope that he wants to come back and might even bring his worldly gf into the cult. Don't give them false hope or they will never stop trying to re-convert the bf & convert the gf. Or they will say things like 'Joe' wants to come back but his worldly gf won't let him or is stopping him, we know deep down he knows it's the 'truth'.

    If he feels the need to see family why not meet them before or after for dinner? Make it clear he will not be coming back to the jw's. That would probably mean they won't see him but worth a try... life is harder when a cult is involved.

  • freddo

    Family unlikely to meet him for dinner, he's df'd carla,

  • scratchme1010
    should i be worried?

    I would be, but looking at the bigger picture. Was his relationship with you the reason for him getting disfellowshipped?

    Also, you should be able to just ask. I think the suggestion of asking if you could go too is good, but (IMO) that should be a second question, not the first. Trying to find out how he feels or what is the rationale behind him going to the memorial here is only guessing.

    Talk to him about it. He may need to know that you are supportive of him.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    you could go to the " memorial " by yourself. you would be made welcome. then you can experience just what a boring waste of time non-event it is. i doubt you would ever set foot in a kingdom hall again.

  • Vanderhoven7

    My take is that he would not want you with him as he meets his parents for the first time in a year. I'm sure he would feel that they would frown on a worldly relationship. Cut him some slack and let him go alone if that is his reason for not inviting you to come along for this one-time reunion.

    If that is on fact his rationale you might ask him if you could also attend separately as Stan suggested to actually see his parents from afar and also learn a little about the religion itself.

  • exjwlemming

    I'm thinking that he might be embarrassed by the whole charade and doesn't want you to "witness" it. No pun intended. I would be embarrassed.

  • carla

    "Family unlikely to meet him for dinner, he's df'd carla,"- yeah, I know, thought it might give her pause to evaluate the whole situation when his own family can't/won't see him simply because he doesn't believe as they do.

    Another reason it is difficult is because the general public (even if they are not church goers) has an idea that Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus not merely His death. As for the passing of emblems and not partaking that is even more difficult to explain to a non jw. That has been my experience anyway. People say things like, "wait! they what?! they pass around the wine & bread and they don't partake?! I don't get it" then you have to explain the whole 144,000 thing, no heaven for r & f and the fact that a person doesn't even want to go to heaven, paradise earth, and on and on..... it can be an exhausting task to explain it all only to have them end the conversation with something like, "sounds like they have no hope in anything". A traditional Christian might end with, "so, they purposely reject Jesus?" (by rejecting the body & blood of Christ in their mind)

  • Diogenesister

    You absolutely need to know whether he still believes it or not.

    That's no.1. He May be going just to keep his family happy. Also, do they know about you? The reason he hasn't seen his family is because he is being shunned. Really inviting him to watch them NOT partake in the bread and wine is the only thing they are allowed to do with him.

    Does he know it's a cult? Is he " awake" as we call it? If not, you've got problems. Find out, come back and let us know and we can take it from there. Also, look up very important.

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