by whatisthis12 15 Replies latest social relationships

  • Finkelstein

    I just find it strange that he didn’t invite me, and that he’s going to the biggest event they supposedly have. should I be worried?

    No not really, he's just trying to reconnect with family a bit, if you were with him they would be more instigated to repel him, that's the way this cult effects people.

    Unfortunately any niceties expressed by his family will only be to draw him back into the cult, it will not be truthful, honest by what most people may think. ........ a lot of fake smiles.

    Don't take it personally, like he's not proud or ashamed of you.

    He left a highly controlling cult that will shun or disown their own family members if they leave their religion.

    From a person who doesn't know or how this cult operates and how it effects people's behavior, its hard to grasp why people act or behave when they're confronted with past members.

    Take care and let your partner precede with this meeting up with his family without emotionally turmoil.

    Thinking about it why would you want to meet with people that are just going to shun or nose you up anyways ?, you to them are dirty unrighteous along with your partner.

    That is why this particular cult is so damaging, cruel and socially ruinous to people who get involved with it.

  • dubstepped

    Unless a person has truly broken free from the cult mentally, and most disfellowshipped people leave for behavioral matters and not because they mentally left, you should be worried. The indoctrination can lie dormant and present itself at any time in leading them back to the cult unless it has been rooted out down deep. The pull of family takes many back to the cult.

  • Crazyguy

    I think you should ask him straight up what he believes and if he believes the teachings of his religion? Let him explain the come back here for advice on how to respond.

    What is your faith if any and what would you like to happen with you guys? There’s a lot of different ways one can approach the issues depending on what you want and believe.

  • wannabefree

    I wouldn't be overly concerned about him going to the memorial, but you should have a conversation about it with him.

    Kingdom Halls fill during the memorial with studies, unbelieving adult kids of JWs, disfellowshipped, inactive JWs ...

    Some might still believe, some are simply trying to not burn that last bridge with family.

    Some who are disfellowshipped work to get reinstated to regain some family association and then fade away.

    If you are serious about a future with this person, you need to understand where his thoughts are.

  • millie210

    Hi whatisthis,

    welcome to the forum. Given the variety of folks here there will always be someone with helpful info.

    You said in your opening post that you had been dating him for over a year. What did he do last year about this event?

  • joe134cd
    Often we get enquiries from people who have formed relationships with jws (more often than not the jw tends to be either excommunicated or inactive). The advise often given is not to proceed with it, and from personal experience (I was a jw for 40 years) from what I saw first hand such relationships often end badly. Even the jws are against the idea of forming relationhips with none jws, and Im guessing this could be one of the reason he's embarrassd to take you to the memorial. It's important that you find out now what his view is of the religion, because if he is what is refered to as a POMI (physically out, mentally in) then you been upset at his refusal to take you to the memorial will be a drop in the bucket for what you are in store for. My advise if you are wanting to find out where he stands on the matter, would be to sit down with him (or perhaps his family as well. That on the assumption you will meet them) and ask him for comment on the replies you recieved to your question on here. If he replies with "angry apostates who are trying to draw away desciples after themselves" or " these are people with legitimate concerns" then let that be your answer. The JWS have got some very serious flaws not only in their beliefs but also in their procedures in handling situations. You need to know about these and they have to be openly discussed. Like so many others on here I was involved with the religion for a very long time, so we know his head space well and the advise we give is based on decades of experience. All the best.

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