I have doubts... can you help me??- A new idea
I agree with Anders, Sowhatnow and Justme.
If you are still associating stop going but talk to your wife about it first. The same for field service. You can say that you feel like a fraud and don't want to stumble anyone especially her.
If she asks you why you feel that way........ use the pedophile issue as there is non apostate reporting on line and no one can fault you on this.
What the Australian Royal Commission shows in the Societies own documents and testimony is that there was and still is little protection for JW children who were and/or...... still being abused. A lack of reporting, children having to face the pedophile, the two witness rule, the crime not revealed to the congregation or the authorities. And worse the Society has no interest in improving their politices:
Here's what a Governing Body JW said who testified:
- The Witnesses’ full rebuttal.
- The Australian commission’s findings.
- How the religion shields sex abusers in the United States.
- The story of how it kicked one alleged victim out of the religion.
I missed this while I was writing my response.
My main issue is she knows I have doubts.... I have refused to tell her what they are until the time is right.
Meanwhile I don't want meetings, service etc in my life. I also hate praying to Jablooper at meals.
She doesn't drive so if I miss a meeting...she does... and gets mad at me about it.
My response cover's most of this however if she wants to attend meetings can you help her learn to drive? Or encourage her to arrange a ride with another JW? Or drop her off and pick her back up? If you can no longer attend then she has to make an effort.
If you live in an area that has as its main male occupation, "Lumberjack", that is, swinging the axe, the result would be you getting the axe, rather than your wife becoming convinced of the truth about the truth. The elder's lack of knowledge on deep subjects, as a fact, might be already suspected by your wife, she needs not convincing of that. Elders hate nothing more than having their ignorance exposed, to be challenged, since their claim to fame, their authority is their wt appointment, and challenging the wt authority is a sure start on the road to df status. ,
With my wife I noticed these things:
1) She really doesn't like the fact that I investigated my doubts alone and didn't tell her anything before I reached my conclusion.
2) Since suddenly I didn't love Jehovah anymore, maybe I would suddenly not love her either some day soon? She felt insecure about that.
3) Since I destroyed all her paradise plans for us, and put her life upside down by suddenly changing from what/who I was when we married, she really needed some way to see I'm still the same nice, lovable guy. Luckily our newborn stills giggles at me and loves me unconditionally, and she showed my wife how to do that :-)
To help my wife regain her trust and love for me, I am being the best loving person I can be, helping her get to meetings and even with her talk, so she has only reasons to still love me.
We have agreed that for now, we will not discuss any JW topics just to make us not hate each other over that. So I am aiming for a slow deconversion for her ;-)
What you might take away from this: you have shaken your wife's whole world. Only thing she is still sure of is Jehovah and the cult. If she can't see it your way yet, leave that for now. Aim for the long term. Bring her to all the meetings if you can. Let her know by words and deeds you still love her, and that you still support her no matter what.
Best of luck and wisdom for you!
I had a c.o. Call on me during my initial doubting phase and managed to get quite a few issues discussed, in front of my husband, by coming across as 'confused and doubting" rather than rebellious. I definitely disturbed my husband with some things I said about child abuse and even the elder showed signs of c.d. The c.o wasn't phased at all, I got the impression he knew it all already. There is the account here:
I threw a lot more at my husband the UN, Malawi/Mexico, the ARC. Until he shut his ears and told me he absolutely didn't want to hear anymore because it disturbed him and effected his faith. I realised he wants and needs this religion. He came to it in a very dark time in his life and I honestly think he will never, ever leave it. There are some like that we have to accept, agree to disagree and work round it as best as we can.
Can I for a sec correct you statement? " I know that elders will legitimantly meet with brothers who have doubts and encourage them" to " I know that elders will legitimantly meet with brothers who have doubts and SILENCE them"
As others have already said this is a game that can have many outcomes depending on your preparation / the elders preparation, but I can guarantee one thing - they wont say you are right.
IF they see you with FOUNDED doubts, and notes, they may change the tune to DF you on the next min and "invite you " for a further meeting in the KH.
IF they see you without founded doubts or notes , they will BS theyre "truth" away, you will become "dangerous" within the org, and a process is internally initiated ( this is a corporation), that either ends with you asking forgiveness and being a "GOOD" witness or DF
Ive seen it over and over again.
When I called someone at my house to talk , I had the end of the conversation already in mind, regardless of what they could say, and that worked fine to me .Hope it helps
Well update. I have talked to my wife about my doubts (Not really doubts... I know what the facts are) and she more feels sorry for me 'having no hope'... but I told her I won't change her views unless she wants me too...
She took it all well and there is no real problem. I'm still trapped into going to meeting/service for now... but I feel less pressure.
However I still plan to meet with the elders... I don;t care as much for the outcome now she already knows. I just want to pin them down lol.
Thank you all so much for this thread. It is of great interest and support to me right now.
(formerly SNS Becoming and prior, Stirred Not Shaken from old Paradise Forum - ewatchman)
Thanks for the update!
You're a lucky guy it turned out quite OK with your wife...