Newlyweds Regret Saving Sex For Marriage

by Abaddon 14 Replies latest social humour

  • Abaddon

    Newlyweds Regret Saving Sex For Marriage

    WETUMKA, OK—Two weeks after their Feb. 1 wedding, Matt and Liz Kuchen, both 32, regret remaining virgins until marriage. "Why the hell did I wait?" Liz said Tuesday. "I could've been having mind-blowing sex with dozens of guys these last 15 years, and instead I spent them making little uptight speeches about how it'll be more special if I hold out." Matt agreed, saying, "Stacy Pratt totally would've done me. Oh, man."

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  • Robdar

    That is hysterically funny.

    Thanks for my morning laff, Abaddon

  • Gopher

    A February 1st wedding -- right smack dab in the middle of winter???

    I think the woman was frigid on her wedding night. :D

  • pr_capone

    LMAO, ohhh well... I guess I should go ahead and get laid!

  • ApagaLaLuz

    Ooooo Ooooo Ooooo Pr Capone. Yes you should. Right here! Right here.....

    Actually I felt similar after I lost my virginity at 20

  • Billygoat

    LMAO! I love The Onion!

    I lost my virginity to a worldly boyfriend at 18. Couldn't understand the big deal about sex. Until I had it a few more times.

    When Mozzer and I started dating, we both wanted to do things the "right" way for once. We'd experienced failed relationship after failed relationship for years. So on our second date we discussed where we stood sexually. We decided to wait until our wedding night to have sex. Now for some of you who've seen my husband can understand the incredible amounts of cold showers we had to take to accomplish this successfully. (He's totally HOT! ) But we put our minds to it and waited. And we are SOOO thankful we did. The closeness you feel after having waited and having the knowledge that God TOTALLY approves of what you're doing makes the sex that much better. It really was a blessing in our case. *sigh* I can't believe I'm telling you this. He's gonna kill me. Haha!

  • pr_capone

    LOL @ Chevy

    hmmmmmm, gonna be in Dallas?


  • ApagaLaLuz

    I wish I could go to Dallas. I'm in So Cal though. It's probably a good thing. I'd probably give you too much to drink, then take advantage of you. Then imagine all the trouble I'd be in.

    I agree with you Billygoat. First time's like 'that's it?' Fourth or fifth time is like 'yeah baby, more, more!'

    Chevy of the 'screw that, since when did I start worying about being trouble' class

  • pr_capone

    It looks like all you have to do is make it to AZ and animal will take you the rest of the way in! LMAO hehehehe


  • Sam Beli
    Sam Beli

    Hi Billygoat,

    I think many of us respect the decision that Mozzer and you made; and also admire your bravery in telling your story here. You started out well just by talking and communicating. After all, communication is more important than sex to a successful marriage. Really! Or said another way, good communication leads to good sex.

    Take care,


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