Letter to my dad-----need feedback please!!!!!!!!!!!

by Jesika 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jesika

    Dear Father,

    I have written you letters so many times. Some I have given you, some I never have. This letter I have to give you. There are some things that are hard for me to say, or I forget to say when I talk to you. Lately I have only been able to speak when I have been drinking, because I am numb when I drink. That is not fair to you or me. So, I have chosen to do it this way, so there will be no question as to the points I want to make.

    I know you are tired of me bringing certain things up over and over again. I hope you don't roll your eyes or sigh as I bring this up again. I won't promise this will be the last time this comes up, but I hope you will understand why after I explain. Well, for starters the situation with Keith, it has never gone away. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. This will never go away for me. The only thing I can do is eventually learn to live with it somehow. The biggest reason I can't forget about this is because their was no closure to this issue. The way things were "handled", have left me feeling betrayed. Keith wasn't sent to counseling for his actions, and the police were never told. Taking microphone privledges away is in no way a punishment for what was taken from me. I stil to this day have panic attacks that are rooted from what happened to me when I was four years old. How do you expect me to not bring this up?

    Something else I wanted to address, the two eye witness rule in Deut. You said to me on the phone this last time that I had two eye witnesses. I know that and, you know that. My problem is, why was nothing legally done? Texas is one of the states that require clergy to report to the police about abuse. Why wasn't my situation reported? I believe the two eye witness rule is shamefull to put it nicely. How many child molesters are going to molest or rape a chlid in frount of someone? I was one of those very few, and still nothing was done. I feel it was more important to your dad and you to keep it quiet so the family wouldn't be emabarressed or frowned upon. That is one reason I have no closure and feel betrayed. Mom even told me that she would ask if anything was going to be done, and nothing was ever done. Since he is still a JW, you still have dealings with him. I know he is your brother, but I am your daughter. If my sister did this same thing to my son, I wouldn't have anything to do with my sister unless she could prove to my son that she has recieved help to stop this problem. I would make sure my sister would pay the price for what she did to my child. I would have her go to jail because she committed a crime! Since I am a parent now, I can honestly say I don't understand how you couldn't do anyting. Especially since you saw it happening to your little girl. I honestly fell you have chosen him over me, and I have to accept that now.

    When I was still at home living with you, there were alot of things that happened I don't agree with. The constent beatings and extreme discipline. I know you have said you are sorry, but I can never forget the day you gave me a concussion when I was 15. I was afraid for my life that day. I don't know if I ever told you that before, but it's true. From that day, I was more afraid of you than I had been my whole life. The way I was raised and the way I was punished my whole life has had a huge impact on me being a parent. I struggle with what is the right way and the wrong way to punish my son. I must admitt, knowing alot of the wrong way helps me look for other options and to be more patient. I have learned to really listen to my son, instead of being quick to anger. I am afraid I will "loose it" like you did that day.

    Since I was raised a JW like you were, I know that is your whole life. Although I understand that, I don't agree with that lifestyle, or the beliefs. That is a choice I made at age 12. I dont think I ever told you that, but by that age I wanted out. I didn't want to be a JW anymore. The biggest reason was because of what happened to me when I was 4. That wasn't the only reason. Another was the way I was punished during my childhood. I knew the way things were "handled" when I was 4 were wrong deep down. After I went to middle school, I knew the way I was punished wasn't normal either. So, at the the age of 14 I decided to get baptized so I could get disfellowshiped. That was my real reason for being baptized. I decided to aux pioneer shortly after since I knew that was what you would want me to do next. Then about 9 months later, I was in frount of the elders again, and was close to getting what I wanted, which was out. I sat through my announcement because I drew strength from that. I didn't want to run from my decision. I remember after I was disfellowshiped you said "You will always be my daughter". I remember thinking that we would always have some kind of relationship. Then after that you beat me severely, and then I knew it as all a lie or a way to try and get me to be a JW again, maybe both I am not sure. I ranaway from home cause I truely believed you would eventually kill me. I didn't know you at all anymore, and I saw myself as the problem. So, I left. I am not going to say that all my choices have been good ones. I would be lying to myself if I said that all my choices were good ones. My choice to not be a JW anymore is one I don't regret. When I was a JW I felt let down, and since my family is still JW I still feel let down. My child molesting uncle is accepted and I am not since I am not a JW. I see something very wrong with that, and I know you do not. You have a new family now that is JW. I hope this will make you happy for the remander of your life.

    In closing, I have to say we haven't been on the same page for a long time. I have goals I have set for myself. I have changed my lifestyle for the better thanks to a special person in my life. My belief system is totally different from yours. I don't go to church and feel no need to, I believe in my conscience. I have come to the conclusion that instead of doing this over and over again, we should just go our separate ways. You have your beliefs and family, and I have my own as well. I can't deal with certain things you believe and do, and I am sure you feel the same about me. So, I have told you the way I feel and why. If you want to write to me and tell me the same,I would welcome that. I must warn you if there is any biblical content, I won't read it. I have seen enough scripture to retire with. I wish you well, and I love you, but I think us going our separate ways is the best for all involved. I know there is no way I can ever have your approval, so I am done trying.

    Love--Your daughter,


    Ok eveyone, tell me what you think about the letter, sorry it was so long, I had alot to say.

  • praying_mantis

    Its a great letter. What makes it great is that its honest. I think you will feel better after you give it to him.

  • Valis

    Jes, its in your own words which I like, you gave him little if any fodder to volley back w/scripture and verse,and you spoke your peace.. I think eventually it does come down to having to separate yourself from those that, either by neglect or malice, have caused you so much unhappiness. I think though if you are going to send that letter then you have to stick to your guns, not converse with him further, and consider it a step in your healing process that you don't have to repeat again. Much love as always.


    District Overbeer

  • LB

    Jesika that was hard for me to read to be honest. I'm a dad of adult kids. If I had received a letter like that it would be like a knee to the nuts. But if I had put my kids through what you've been through then I'd say I have it coming.

    Did you send the letter off yet? It's from the heart and I think those are the best letters of all. What is important for you is to make sure you aren't sending it with anger. I don't think you are, but, if you are then hold off because you could have regrets. But if you feel good (and I think you should) then post it and sit back.

  • Jesika

    Thanks guys...........just a little nervous. I shouldn't be nervous, but I think I am more anxious about it. I am getting closure for myself and I feel good about the letter.

    Thanx for the feedback.

    Keep em coming.


  • Buster

    Yeah, its a lot to say. But if that is what you wanted to say - then you damn well better say it. If trying to say it in person doesn't seem to work, this is the next best mode. Good luck with it.

    LB: I also read it with the eyes of a parent, though my daughter is just 17. It feels our relationship (always strong) is morphing slowly towards the adut-to-adult mode. It would be awfully painful to get that letter from her.

  • Brandy5


    Your letter brought tears. I feel that it wi a very heart felt letter. The wts are an evil group with the way they handle child abuse cases. They are hell bent on protecting pedophiles

    They shold be protecting CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!

    This cult harms so many people in so many ways. My heart goes out to you.



  • Francois

    This is very good. The question is whether or not you have said what YOU wanted to say, if you have said all you want to say to him.

    This is confronting the abuser. You do it for yourself. To help you heal. Not to help the abuser. Or to please anyone but yourself.

    If you are happy with the contents of your letter, that is the full measure of it. And if you want to continue confronting, that too is up to you.

    Do you know what you want, and what you expect from this confrontation? If you know, it will be much easier for you to evaluate the letter yourself, for yourself. So. What is it that you want from your father? Are you prepared not to get it?

    My two cents.


  • Solace


    God, this is just so sad. You letter is very moving. I agree with LB, if I recieved this letter from my child, I would want to die. I would feel awful for not having been there when my child needed me.

    I think it is probably very good for you to express your feelings. You are so strong and I admire that. I may seem that way at times, but I tend to shy away and ignore certain issues from my past.

    I hope someday your father can understand how his actions affected you. You deserve closure and happiness.

    Take Care.

  • CoonDawg


    That letter was very heartfelt and gut-wrenching. I read it as a father who sees himself as barely escaping the fate of your dad. It makes me ever gratefull that I have left and have concentrated much of my effort on fostering my relationship with my daughter.


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