I am English, and live in England. My parents were witnesses,so I was dragged along to the local
Kingdom Hall twice a week back in the early sixties.Because I was forced to sit there on a rock
hard wooden seat, not able to move a muscle for fear of being dragged out the back and smacked,
I just sat there quietly for two long hours studying the cracks on the clock face, as the hands moved
slowly backwards...tick tock..tick..tock...what a bloody nightmare that was; at the age of five I
felt like an old man of ninety.I wasn`t allowed to take toys, color in pictures, eat sweets or make any
sound, or sleep.The only thing I could do was look at things, study peoples faces or clothes, and
take in the many differant smells; the old Grannies smelt of Wintergreen and Lavender.Their old
fart husbands would smell of Brillcream and mothballs,this was mixed with the smell of urine and
methane gas.If it was wet out side, the smells where almost suffocating.Then there was the new
born baby with it`s Terry nappy fully loaded, simmering gently , over in the corner
for an hour and a half. One of the middle aged sisters was REALLY over weight,
some-times she`d come in late and bounce down the aisle looking like a bouncy castle from behind...
( The Russians sent up a rocket in 1971 to photograph the other side of her).
Then there was the weirdo, who always came in five minutes late during the prayer still
singing the last verse of the song.. you could hear mutters of " Please God, don`t let the Nutter
sit next to me!!!"... After we all sat down, he`d be sitting alone in a sea of empty chairs....
while every one was reading along in their Watchtower, he would say "Marvellous" every
five minutes....."Marvellous."
One of the pretty young pioneers thought she was God`s gift to men.And one of the young
pioneer males, thought he was God`s gift to every-one!!! The Smith family, Mum,Dad,two
teenage girls, two spotty boys and a baby sat there in their perfect clothes,reading along
in their perfect bibles,answering up with their perfect answers.When ever there was a need
to have a little demonstration of how a family should hold a perfect family bible study, the
Smiths were up there on the platform without fail, they NEVER miss a meeting. "Marvellous".
Oh yeah, I almost forgot Sister Desperate, oh and Brother Smellibreath.There was a few
others that just turned up for the Memorial, (thank God)-some where a bit creepy or prevy.
There was also a small group of people that I never got to know, they never spoak to any-
one,they were mostly pioneers and people who had little private parties and barbecues in their
back gardens in the summer. "Marvellous". ( I wish that nutter would piss-off !).
As for my Dad; I will not say how zealous a witness he was,but every time we went on vacation,
he would phone- in sick ,out of habit.! No one got to speak to the presiding overseer much,
he used to avoid people, just in case they had a problem.( After speaking to him for two minutes,
death suddenly lost it`s sting.). 99% of the males in the congregation worked as window cleaners.
But most of the Elders had good jobs or small businesses, but even as a child, I thought some
were quite thick. Brother Henderson was very proud of his aristocratic roots, his Great-great-
great Granfather built the first Paper Mill in England in 1556. ( It blew away in the gales of 1557..!).
When I got to the age where I could leave home, I shot off so fast, all my father remembers of
me, is the smell of burning rubber off my shoes....I had a great time for about ten years, mostly
on the road doing the Easyrider thing.But then fate struck....I let my guard down for five minutes
and fell hopelessly in love; and worse,...she was brought-up a witness also !!! Any-way, we
settled down and did the baby thing and got a house...etc..etc..Alls going well until we both
desided to go back to the meetings for some stupid reason. ( dog returns to vomit?).
Although it had been at least ten years since either of us had set foot inside a Kingdom Hall,
and we were 250 miles away from our birth places in a different county, a very strong sence
of Deja vu hit us both as we entered the Kingdom Hall. After the public talk started, a middle-
aged man walked in and sat down-He was fat,bald and wareing a bright red flowery dress...!
The Watson family took up the front row and looked perfect,two teenage girls, two spotty boys
and the baby.. .Bouncy castle had a son with her, who looked like the Michelin-man. Infact all
the stereotypes were there...!!! " Marvellous" ( piss-off !)
Because of circumstances, deaths in the family, employment etc..I have moved around England
quiet a lot when I was a witness. So I obviously went to as many Kingdom Halls as places
I lived and worked . I just couldn`t help noticing the same types of people every where I`ve
been....Sister Desperate, the nutter, the over weight Jolly-bouncy castle, Sister Gods gift to men,
The Clique of snobs,The Perfect JW family, Smellibreath and the rest....
So I `ve been wondering, whats the congregations like in the States/Canada,do you have the
same stereotypes we have in England....??? "Marvellous
Are all congregations the same?
by Sparks 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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Sparks
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NameWithheld
Hell yes. That religion attracts the freaks, weirdos, and power-tripers. Where else can a window washer be a demi-god over 70-1200 other people? The smart get out, the freaks and power-trippers remain.
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starfish422
For wherever two or more of you are gathered in his name....I think you've just described any random group of 10 or more people. JWs aren't excluded from that.
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nightwarrior
Reading the last paragraph, does that mean that you are still attending the meetings?
We also are in England, and when I started reading yout posting, I thought, that sounds just like the congregations that we were in... spooky........then I thought, maybe we know you....then again, maybe not...seeing that all the congregations are the same.....
Do you think that some form of cloning is going on.... and these are the rejects, because an awful lot of them are mighty strange people.........an experiment gone wrong???
It was the cliques that really got to us... if your face didn't fit and all of that....
We are so glad that we are out of it all.......I am now starting to feel normal.....!!!!!!!!!
Mrs Nightwarrior
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Ed
Good story, thanks for the laugh. I think I know all of those people.
Have you ever heard Mr Bean singing? Well there was a guy in our congregation who used to sing EXACTLY like that. Very loudly. If he was anywhere near you during the song, it was virtually impossible to keep a straight face.
That church episode of Mr Bean is not a comedy, it's a documentary.
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BluesBrother
Ye Gods !, I recognise so many people in that post. Yes there is a stereotype, particularly in the smaller town congregations. I can think of several who fitted those descriptions perfectly. You make it sound like Dylan Thomas' Undermilk Wood.
Incidentally , as I grew up I came to realise that some of the more nutty eccentrics were the more genuine people who would really show agape love, even in a strange way sometimes
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Sparks
Hi Gang, sorry about long delay in answering...I`ve been pissing myself laughing at your replies, your all too much!!!
Hi nightwarrior, NO I am not attending the meetings any-more, I dissfellowshiped THEM after seeing BBCs Panarama, that was the last straw....I could NEVER stay in an oraganization that sheilds child molesters.
Hello Ed, actually I was being dead serious....!!! No I haven`t heard Mr Bean singing unfortunately,sounds a screem! I`ll keep an ear open for it though.Thanks.
I would love to hear about the nutters in YOUR old congregations.( They helped me stay awake and sane during the meetings in my old congregations and stopped the brain-washing process...it was better than T.V.) I n posting this thread I was really hoping you would tell us about the differant stereotypes you knew.My misstake, sorry I should have asked more clearly.....Who was the most memorable type you came across ?and why? ( cloning..!!! your too much nightwarrior.....I almost wet myself laughing...!!!) Thanx Guys Sparks
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Gopher
How about the social-outcast wannabe-ministerial servant? He tries so hard to impress the elders, but he's not with the program. And his sport coat clashes with his pants. He assists the magazine servant because that's all they trust him to do. He doesn't read at the Watchtower lesson because he stumbles a bit over his words in his ministry school assignments.
Edited by - Gopher on 13 February 2003 16:22:39
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Ed
No I haven`t heard Mr Bean singing unfortunately,sounds a screem!
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home_and_dry
Hey! I know all those people too!
But what about Sister Middle Aged Elders Wife? She was the one who was basically 'in charge' of the entire congregation. If she happened to be the PO's wife, she was a step closer!
She'd be the one who knew every morsel of gossip within the cong. She would also be the one responsible for spreading the above mentioned gossip to all her allies (i.e., other Elders Wives) but all the time assuring them that it is 'confidential information' and only safe in the hands of the most loyal cong members, i.e., themselves.
She would be the one to choose the decor of the hall when it was refurbished. Yes, it was HER fault that you had to spend the next 15 years staring at a brown carpet and pink floral curtains. Not forgetting the plastic floral display on the platform.
She'd be the one who knew the exact reason why anyone else in the cong had been DF'd/reproved. And she would never forget to give the offending cong member a knowing look during the next local needs talk. Oh yes, she KNOWS they are talking about you. She probably helped her husband write the outline.
In all my years out of the borg, I will never know a more formidable person that Sister Middle Aged Elders Wife.