most definately........
Were You Depressed Because You Were A Witness?
by minimus 42 Replies latest jw friends
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Noumenon
I used to get depressed and really resentful because as a single christian in my thirties I was being totally shut out and ignored socially due to not going to all the meetings all the time and being very spasmodic in field service.
I began to see that one had to 'perform' perfectly to get the friendship and acceptance of the congo, and other single, younger ones. They were ringing each other up and going out in big groups together, and there i was sitting at home feeling sad and lonely and rejected. I could see nothing would change, even when I made my own efforts to initiate things socially. Then I found out I was a victim of hurtful gossip. That sealed my decision to 'fade'.
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minimus
You know that if you don't DO everything that you're supposed to do, well, you're just no good.Simple as that. That's the REALITY of the "loving" organization.
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ikhandi
My life as a jw was sometimes filled with much heartache and dissapointment(more than I care to go into here) I recall many a nights on my knees in prayer to Jehovah asking him please don't let me wake up tommorow. Due to my persona I internalized alot to the point where I contemplated suicide. It got so bad that I was on the verge of what I know now would have been a serious breakdown. Mom sensed something was wrong and took me to the e.r I spent almost two years in therapy trying to deal with my issues without anyone in my cong or close circle of friends knowing. Finally got up the nerve to let one of the elders know what was going on with me. He proved not to be uplifting or encourgaging at all, was disgusted that I chose to seek the help of a therapist and not *throw my burdens on Jehovah* or the classic *wait on Jehovah* It pissed me off so much that I wanted to tell him would you have preferred to be attending my funeral this sat or be happy to see me out in service? How can anyone call these people loving?
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minimus
ikhandi, at least if they were attending your funeral, you would have died in good standing before men........Sad, isn't it?
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Lieu
Who really is supposed to care what standing one has before man?
Certainly Jesus did not die in good standing before man...screw that!
Worrying about what men think is what drives myriads of JWs to "pick their poison".
What I noticed is that God did not seem to be insatiable, but a whole buch of men using God sure were. So, I ignored them and still do.
Depressed as a JW? Sure, who wouldn't be depressed with such silliness. I felt like I was just a number working in a factory with a broken punch card machine that continuously caused my paycheck to come up short.
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aunthill
I can't say I was always depressed, but I felt constantly guilty, so maybe that counts as depressed. I am not a high energy person by nature and I worked full time, had 3 kids and an unbelieving husband. Getting out in field service was a major undertaking, let alone trying to get myself and 3 kids to meetings 3 times a week, and trying to be the "perfect" wife, i.e., cook dinner even on meeting nights, etc. It was a major trauma to the Ministry School overseer when I told him I was resigning from the school. He tried to give me assignments after that, but finally gave up after the third time I told him 'NO!'
Thank goodness none of my family were in the "truth" and my children were delighted to be out. I did lose a couple of "friends," but since I was irregular in meeting attendance & field service, I was "marked" as "weak" and a "bad association" as were my kids.
Very, very happy to be out!
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DanTheMan
I used to get depressed and really resentful because as a single christian in my thirties I was being totally shut out and ignored socially due to not going to all the meetings all the time and being very spasmodic in field service.
I'm right there with ya. If you are a single bro or sis in your 30's and you aren't a high-performing WT sales rep, you're out in the cold, unless you have money. In my case not being a raised-in-the-troof JW, that just increased the feelings of alienation.
Aunthill (clever name) welcome to the board!
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justhuman
I was very depressed...
Always depressed...
Got used to be depressed...
Even like the idea of been depressed...
Most of the JW's suffer form deppression...
They THE ALTIMATE ORGANIZATION OF DEPPRESION
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LisaK3
I am new to this board and as I read the stories it really saddens me. I was fortunate enough to be out of the org. at 17 yrs old . I can't imagine being an adult and having to deal with the pressures of family, etc..as well as the added pressures of being a JW. Before I realized the "truth" about the organization I can remember looking back and having tremendous guilt about being a "bad" witness or a "weak" witness and always feeling unworthy. Thank God I can now look back and realize that I was not a bad person, just a normal teenager. I am now happily married and a mother of 3 and I am so happy I can raise my children free from the entrapments of being a JW.
I am so sad for the people who must lead a "double-life". While I can completely understand why people do that it seems so sad to me, I don't think it is hypocritical, just sad. It is terrible that an organization can enslave people even when the people are out. Family ties are so important and while I know breaking them is terrible. (My father and other family members are still JW's) I think the feeling of being completely free from the org. has helped me tremendously.
When I researched the org. as an adult and realized the "truth" about it, I felt it was so importantfor me to let my dad know that the reason I was not a JW. (I was df'd at 17). I wanted him to know that I was not a JW because I didn't believe in them, not because I was ashamed to come back. I just wanted to share my thoughts. This board has been a great help and inspiration to me.
Thanks LisaK3