JWs Must Give Up KISSING - NOW!

by Francois 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Francois

    Please direct your attention to the current issue of Discovery magazine. In it you will find that saliva is described as "essentially blood plasma." Well.

    As we all know, there is considerable exchange of this precious bodily fluid among people who kiss, i.e., everyone. Of course among JWs that's supposed to include only the married or soon to be. But the soon to be aren't the same as the married. So what we have here is a DOUBLE WHAMMY.

    We just can't have unmarried people kissing and exchanging blood components while they're doing it. Now we can getcha if you kiss and you're married. (And we have serious questions regarding other precious bodily fluids that make their appearance during the act of, well, procreation. If saliva is blood plasma, lord knows what that stuff is. But we're investigating that now.) I know, I know, right now they're saying it's only plasma. But next week it might be some forbidden fraction. Best to err on the side of saftey. This is 'cause we all know that Jehovah will get ya for your ignorance as fast as he'll get ya for a deliberate sin of rebellion.

    Better knock off that kissing. Now. From now on, the first offense among engaged or married people will be unannounced probation, the second - announced probation, the third - a ride on the big SHIP.

    ANY kissing on the part of unengaged people is vorboten already. This now includes kissing among three and four year olds. Age is no excuse. There will still be exchanges and mixin' and whatnot of saliva, plasma, during this godless act. And we know it's godless because Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. Thus kissing is finally verboten, like we always knew it should be. The scriptures are clear: don't be fooling around with no blood or god will getcha. Just keep it knocked up, erm, OFF.


    Edited by - francois on 12 February 2003 9:59:52

    Edited by - francois on 12 February 2003 10:3:50

  • Elsewhere


    Right now plasma is one of the primary blood components that are explicitly forbidden.

    I wonder if this research will compel the bOrg to drop plasma from that list.

  • email

    This should be interesting... I'll see if I can get a copy of that magazine.

    I can imagine the reaction of millions of JW's when they announce the "new light" on a District convention:

    ".. Brothers... we are pleased to announce that there shall not be any more french kissing if you want to consider yourself a JW in good standing... BUT... if you kiss and DO NOT USE your TOUNGE then it is a matter of concience and no brother shall judge you if you decide to do so..."

  • LB

    So that means the brothers will be able to get busy without having to delay any impending actions with that silly kissing stuff? No more foreplay?

    Jah is good

  • email

    LOL @ LB

    Yes brother... now it's straight to the point! ... no oral sex, no Kissing... no foreplay... lol

  • Englishman

    Foreplay is never a problem to the Aussies, I hear.

    It goes something like:

    "Brace yourself, Sheila!"


  • Shutterbug

    LB & Email, the last I heard it's called "wham, bam, thank you mamm."

  • xjw_b12

    This new ruling will only effect the R & F dubs.

    It will not effect the hierarchy of Ministeral Servants, Elders, Circuit Overseers, etc and up to the GB, as all they are involved in is ASS-KISSING !

    Edited by - xjw_b12 on 12 February 2003 11:9:21

  • Skeptic

    So, is it time for an updated Young People Ask book?

    I can see the chapter now, "Kissing and Homosexuality - What is God's View?"

    "One common practice amoungst homosexuals is the act of kissing...."

    Richard, who is amazed at how "everything" can be said to be wrong

  • imanaliento

    I can just see another change because of "New Light"

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