Were u robbed of your childhood too?

by gydja 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • gydja

    Hi all!

    Just wanted to say...I am thrilled about this site!! Just found it, and I cant get enough...its good to see that you are not alone having these feelings. I live in Iceland, so there are few I can talk to about this stuff...so few understand! (Only about 300,000 people and 300 JWs in the sountry)

    My mother is a JWs and so is my younger sister. My father is not, but he approved that my mother could raise us as she wanted...how many times did I wish he hadnt been such a coward!!! I was raised as a JW...but broke free when I was 14-15 yrs old.

    I remember being ashamed for the religion, for being different, since I was 5 or 6 years old. When I went to school I didnt tell anyone about my mothers religion. (just recently connfessing that to my friends and now I am 25!!) I used to say to my classmates...EVERY year that I had been sick over the holidays! Hmm...? On my birthday, I didnt attend school either...because then they would sing me a birthday song and my mother wouldnt like that. She kept really close to my schoolteachers...to observe my every move...that I didnt do anything out of order. And thats just SICK!!! Being obsessed with your daughters behavior at school! Get a life, woman!!!

    No...I love my mum, of course. First I was ashamed at her, then angry and now I just feel really sorry for her. Ive tried talking to her about leaving the congregration...yeah right!! Its like talking to a stone. Ive been trying to tell her that the only people who can see the whole picture are those who step out of the frame. When you are too close to this shit, you cant see anything!

    I feel like I have been robbed of my childhood, ( kind of like Michael Jackson...lol...! ) u know...not celebrating x-mas or birthdays like all other children, never been able to ENJOY what childhood life can bring you. Like when you knew all the time that there never was no Santa, and all your non-JW friends and classmates were just freaking out of exitement about it! Its frustrating!! You want to join this thrill...

    So...what I am trying to ask you is this :"Did you (who were raised in the "truth") ever feel like this when you were little? Or were you proud of being part of the JWs organization?"


    Gydja from Iceland

  • RevMalk


    And Welcome!

  • blondie

    HI gydja,

    I used to obsess about my lost childhood. I was sexually molested by my own father and not protected by my mother. It was a fearful time.

    I was a very angry young person because of this and an even angrier adult. That type of anger can turn inward too and I almost, almost, considered killing myself. But then I went to counseling and found out how many people have had their childhoods ripped from them for various reasons, some because of the religious choices of their parents.

    But now I am no longer under my parents' control unless I let them be in control. I refuse to do that and I have lost that anger, I don't want to hurt myself or others, and I can show real, self-sacrificing love. It didn't happen overnight and I am still healing.

    The important thing is to do now the things that matter, don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

    Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a gift. That's why it's called 'the present'. (Loretta LaRoche)


  • acsot

    Glad to have you here! I was fascinated with this site when I first ventured onto it also! I guess I feel that I was robbed more of educational opportunities than my childhood per se. At least, that's what I regret most right now. I'm 46 years old and am now going to university part-time. However, I appreciate it a whole lot more than many of the "young" ones there, so I guess not everything's a total waste!

    Hope to hear more from you!

    Acsot (of the "trying to catch up" class)

  • pr_capone

    Yes I did... I think most of us here did.

    Welcome to the forum!!!!!!


  • Pleasuredome

    welcome gydja!

    yes i felt like it too and didnt even attend meetings. what made it worse was my dad wasnt a witness but was all too happy not to buy any presents for me for birthdays Xmas etc because he was too 'tight'.

    trying to make out i had a good time and had presents wasnt easy, as i never liked lying.

    children dont deserve that shit.

  • LyinEyes

    Welcome to the board, our new friend from Iceland, that is so cool.........

    Very good topic. I could write a book on this but I will try to narrow it down......lol.

    But first,,,,,,, Blondie,,,,,,,,,(((((((((((hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs)))))))))))) you are remarkable.

    For me , I am not sure how much of my lost childhood was due to being a JW , but I know that my lost childhood was because my parents were just plain dyfunctional.

    My dad was a prude, and set the highest standards for me, my little sister didnt have any standards set for her. I feel sorry for her too in our upbringing my dad seemed to not care if she acheived or not. I guess because she didnt want to , shedidnt try. I on the other hand, HAD to have my dad's approval in everything I did. He was harsh many times, I got too many whippings and many times they where too hard,and too many hits. I was punished for laughing, for talking at the meetings, or even falling asleep, didnt matter that I was only 5.

    My mother, who is dead , was so very depressed and needed therapy in the worst kind of way. She was addicted to pain pills from the time she was 21 until she died at 35. My early childhood, memories of her, are of her crying running down the street, going to hospitals for nervous breakdowns,,locking my sister and I up in a room with her while she slept her drugs off. My sister was a baby, I am 3 yrs older, and I hated to sleep as a child, I was hyper and to put me in a room to sleep was torture. I would wait for my dad to come home so I could eat, and use the bathroom. My mother neglected me , emotionally, and would slap me alot, if I crossed her on one of her bad days.

    My teenage years were a little diff, because I could escape into my own world at school or lock myself in my room , writing , drawing , the radio, or using the phone.

    To me being a JW kid, I did miss out on all the holidays, the school activies, and just the feeling of fitting in. But that didnt bother me as bad as the secret of my family, my dad was an elder, so it was hush hush. The things that I had to stand up to do , because my mother wouldnt , made me loss my childhood. My dad and her both expected me to basically do many of the things that should have been my mother's job. Cleaning, cooking, disciplining my younger sister, working in the office, I mean it went beyound ,normal chores, I still had mine to do . My sister would rebel and refuse to do hers, so if I wanted to go skating , she had to go to, and her room had to be clean, so I would clean hers just so I could go.

    My parents were so off ,,,,,,,,,, it is a wonder I have a pretty normal family life now with 3 kids of my own.

    I am 36 yrs old and have decided to be a teenager again.......lol...... so I am basically goofing off, going out dancing, talking to my friends on the internet, letting all that I am supposed to do slide. It is nice to be able to give yourself a little of what you missed, it isnt the same but it helps. It also helps that we are giving our children , a childhood, since we left the org. That makes me the happiest,,,,,,at least my kids will have some of their childhood saved.

  • Tatiana

    Welcome, gydja.....


    My sister and I had no childhood. Besides being strickly raised as witnesses, we had a mother who was abusive, manipulative, and controlling.

    And I could never understand why rules were not the same for different members of the congregation. We were never allowed to go to football games or participate in anything having to do with sports. Yet, when an elder and his family moved to our cong. (a small cong in rural SC) from New York, and he allowed his girls to go to games, and the oldest one to go to the prom, suddenly it was ok for some of the younger witnesses to do it.

    Although not ok by my mother. We still couldn't do a damned thing. SHe had her own agenda....

    Thank you for your story....


  • DblOSmith

    I know what you're feeling. I feel robbed, too. Worship... Damn, it's not worship, it's tradition. I mean... holiday wise. Why should I purposely alienate myself... deny myself of a very simple, legal, and free joy. Agh, I just.... I dunno.


  • gydja

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I feel for each and everyone...Blondie, Tatiana, LyinEyes...and all thanks for sharing your story with me...

    I liked this 1, blondie : Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a gift. That's why it's called 'the present'. (Loretta LaRoche)



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