Have You Been Divorced?

by Outaservice 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mystla

    Married at 20, to a JW who was 26. Divorced after 7 years together (he got the itch) I was a good little Dub and would have stayed unhappily married for many more years if I hadn't confronted him about his coldness toward me. He admited he didn't love me any more, but was willing to stay married! Lol, I think he was just happy to have a live-in maid!! I was outta there!!

    It was shortly after that it came out that he is gay.. he lives with his boyfriend now, hasn't worked for two years.. and has recently started going back to meetings..


  • Debz

    I married at 18 - mainly due to wanting to `get out of home` as it was so dub oppressive at home and that was the only way I could do it acceptably......far too young and a silly mistake....lasted two years and I had two children......once I had them got up the courage I left him and the dubs.....at 21...what a start in life huh!

  • Mum

    Good question, great topic. I would never have married my first husband had I not been a JW. I knew there was no basis for any kind of relationship, as we were world's apart. But I thought I had to marry "in the truth" and everything would work itself out, and he was available. The only good that came of that 10-year joke was my lovely daughter. However, that lovely child suffered immeasurably because of our dub lifestyle and the break-up of the legal entanglement between her misguided parents.

    My second marriage broke up mostly because of alcoholism. I don't know to this day who the "real" person was in that alcoholic body. But he wanted my child and grandchild out of the house, so I had to go, too. I never will.

    But I now appreciate the joys of being single as I never could have otherwise.

  • Windchaser

    I am three-time divorced from two jws. I thought differences wouldn't matter much because we would be in the New System soon and be perfect. The longest marriage lasted seven years. Armageddon just didn't come soon enough.

  • zenpunk

    Married almost 9 years...its funny when he turned "apostate" first - everyone was pressuring me to get the hell out of that marriage and get divorced, citing all these BS scriptural reasons. Well, he did "endanger my faith" 'cause I left less than a year after him and we've never gotten along better. When we were JWs we did nothing but fight. I don't think we've fought since. Ironic, isn't it?

  • caligirl

    Yes..married at 18 after 3 years in a relationship with him. Since one did not casually date, we just fell into marriage since that was what we all thought should happen. But since we divorced several years after we stopped attending any meetings, I am sure that in witness circles, the divorce is blamed on the fact that we lost our spirituality and stopped attending meetings. We are probably an expamle to all of what happens without "Jehovah" in your life, but since he told me when we were married less than 6 months that he knew he was going to be just like his Dad and be married and divorced multiple times, the marriage was not really destined to survive.

    Thankfully, I found a wonderful husband and couldn't be happier. I have since thanked my ex for leaving me because I would never have found the love of my life if he had not.

  • not interested
    not interested

    very interesting topic,

    I Guess i at times blame the org. for the divorce, but at the time it happpened i realy wanted nothing to do with it anymore, and kept that in the closet, wich led to most of the turmoil in the marrige so maybe the blame should be with me, but it was the way the elders handled the situation that cause the final undoing of the marrige...IMO....

    the kicker is that after the divorce the ex drifted off herself and i often wonder if now things could work out. Also i wonder if i would be willing to take that chance.

    AS it sits now, i think that we are friends, we talk occasionaly, and can talk about the issues we face with family pressures and shunning, I know that i hope the best for her and that her life goes well, wich sad to say is the exact opposit of what my thoughts were when we first parted ways.

  • Carmel

    I courted my child bride for neigh on to twelve years urgently trying to get to know Her character. Each time I would up root a problem She would assure me that once we were married I would not have any problems. At the tender age of 12 I pledged my troth to Her and almost instantly became aware that She was hiding something. After two turbulent years of marital "non-bliss" we parted company, I satisfied with just walking away from the relationship but alas, She insisted on a formal divorce with citations for justifying the cleft. I vowed never again to marry which is not to say I didn't frequent the lairs of other potential brides. Sadly all of them too paited their faces to make me think they were virgins but the ruse was too obvious. So it was for nearly 19 years I remained single, alone and lonely, yearning for the woman of my dreams. Suffice it to say, my child bride nearly soured me on all of that gender, but man is not intended to be without a soul mate and being the gregarious lad that I am, twas inevitable that I would find my fair maiden.

    Life is well again!


  • SheilaM

    Been married to Thunder Rider since 1984 this April will be 19 years, one and only marriage for us both


    Does this ever bring back memories.

    Met a young woman @ the International Assembly in Montreal (1978). She was an American, me, Canadian. I was naive, she was an opportunist. She was a couple of years older than I at the time. We wrote to each other quite a bit, and initially, we hit it off really well.

    We wrote letters for quite a long time. She eventually moved to Virginia from New York state. That was fine. But then, I remember a lull in the writing, no responses. Then one day, I get a letter: she had been disfellowshipped. I was DEVASTATED! I really had a thing for this sister. I cried, and somehow managed to pick myself up and get on with it.

    Eventually, I get a letter, maybe a year later. She had been reinstated. I was so thrilled, but she ended up getting herself into a lot of trouble. She had been initially disfellowshipped for sexual misconduct and ended up contracting a not-so-nice STD. Anyways, dumb as I was, I was so happy and thrilled, and encouraged her, tried to build her up etc., anything so that she'd remain a JW.

    Time went on, and of course, I'm 18 at the time. We continue corresponding: letters, phone calls etc., and we rekindle our friendship. Over time, it blossomed into an engagement. Go figure!? Where was my head? She was very insistant that she find a man, and find one soon, no matter what, and whatever cost. I found it a bit stressful at first. Honestly, at 18 and in the organization, I thought getting married would be good for me.

    What a numbskull I was.

    Anyways, as time goes on, this sister is becoming very domineering, and 'it's her way or no way at all'. I felt that if I displeased her, she'd be out of the Truth, and I felt ridiculously responsible for this.

    Something in my immature head started to tell me: GET OUT NOW while you can.

    I remember trying to tell this sister that we should cool things down. I told her I was finding all of this 'a bit much'. She'd get upset and emotional. This wedding was gonna happen come hell or high water.

    One night, I simply had enough. The pressure was too great and I honestly realized: I did not love her. I loved the idea. I knew that young brothers/sisters were encouraged to marry 'than to be imflamed with passion'. My head was so mixed-up.

    When I called to finally tell this sister that I was 'not in love with her'. It was devastating. Not only for her, but for me. If you break off an engagement, this can be a serious matter as some of you know. I wanted this thing to work idealistically, but in reality, it was doomed from the start.

    DIVORCE? It would have been imminent. We would have wed. She wanted a family RIGHT AWAY (that freaked me out) and she was a very 'me-myself & I' person.

    The engagement was officially broken off. She was disfellowshipped, I think, within a month. She met up with someone, got knocked up; me, I was single, and RELIEVED beyond relief, that I did NOT wed this sister.

    But I can understand how and why some JW marriages have ended this way, or why some young brothers and sisters get wed in the first place.

    Given that hindsight is 20/20 - I am most definite my marriage to this sister would have ended in a messy divorce.

    Glad it never happened, but I was pretty damn close .

    Edited by - RAYZORBLADE on 7 February 2003 0:15:5

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