Have You Been Divorced?

by Outaservice 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • foreword

    I was 18 (1976) when I learned about the truth (yeah) and within a year I was baptized and married to a girl I had met in that same year (now this gives a new meaning to the expression "a quicky"). I wouldn't say we didn't get along but I was way too young for mariage. But it was the prospect of living without sex that pushed me into it. At the time, I guess I thought I was the only one who was horny all the time, and believed I was such a bad person for it. You know, all those impure thoughts.

    Anyway, after five years I left everything behind cause I couldn't take it anymore. We had a son, who later was forced into baptism, then disfellowshiped. For 16 years I had no contact with him. When he was 18, 3 years ago, he called me and we got together and have been in contact ever since. I appreciate his understanding, but also that he doesn't have any ill feelings over the fact that I was not there. Were good buddies.

    The irony behind it all, is that my ex's family(all dubs) were kind of happy that I stayed away cause I would have been a bad influence. Their fears that he would be just like me....kinda materialized right in front of their eyes without my input. Now that's satisfaction.

    I did learn one thing, genetics, you cannot control.

  • freedom96

    I married young, because it was the thing to do as a witness, and you were young, and dating. Dating for the hell of it was not allowed.

    She ended up being the most evil person I have ever met. As far as the WTS involvement, she tried to use the fact that "I was not taking the spritual lead" as an excuse, but an excuse was all that it really was. She hated the organization, but if she could use its rules to her advantage, she would.

    She still claims to be the perfect little witness. Thank God I found a great person to be married to afterwards.

    Growing up as a witness in the 70's and 80's, I only knew one couple that divorced. Now, when I talk to a few people I knew back then, there are lots of them getting divorced.

    Edited by - freedom96 on 6 February 2003 10:53:13


    20+ years down the tubes...thanks to the local yokels and the Boyz in Brooklyn. Mine was a strange case inasmuch as they took the wifes side (they don't usually do that)...but in my case they figured she was the spiritually strong one and her name was on the checks that went into the boxes at the back of the hall. They ok'ed her kicking me out of my house and a separation even though I did not do anything that violated the 3 things that made it okay for a separation (according to the Family Happiness book)...those three things being...laziness/non-support(I made 100k+)...physical abuse(zero)...& spiritual endangerment(I attended 90% of the meetings & supported my pioneer daughter). However I was not progressing at the rate they and her wanted me to..i.e. very little field service...and the big one...even though I was born into the "truth", I "never made it my own"...never got dunked. But for an undunked one I was, at least for awhile, respected because of my $$$ and I was prominent on television...had the "privledge" of being asked to video-tape all the special talks, memorial, etc. So, while they used me and tolerated me for a long time, I think it just got to be too much for them...the fact that I never would sign on the dotted line, continuing to study with elders and asking them questions they could not answer to my satisfaction. Wanna hear the kicker? My ex would have never been a Dubbie if it hadn't been for me and my parents talking to her. Ironic.


  • Francois

    My marriage was a result of our being JWs, therefore our divorce was sponsored by them as well. I didn't marry to have sex. That was what high school & college were for and I stayed in college an extra year for that. I wish now, looking back, that I'd have stayed in for my Ph.D. . Actually, I was a top forty disc jockey and it was 1968 and I was in college and a lot of the competition was in Viet Nam. Need I say more?

    But personally I feel that the rate of divorce among JWs is higher than in the normal population, just like alcoholism, drug abuse, child sex abuse, suicide, murder, & etc. If the WTBTS trots out its statistics that "prove" there is less divorce among JWs, you can bet your last dime that those numbers were cooked.

    I had a friend who was the H.R. director for a manufacturing firm. He had amassed one of the best saftey records in our industry. He told me with a straight face that if an employee - who was working on our water tower at the time - fell from that water tower, that he would be fired before he hit the ground. And he was serious.

    Same with the JWs. You don't really expect an organization that protects pedophiles on the flimsiest of grounds is going to publish numbers, statistics, that prove they are a failure at helping their membership stay married, do you? Come on.


  • worf

    I am going through a divorce now.

    I grew up in the borg. Got married at 25.In 1986. She was 24 and an auxiliary pioneer. She started regular pioneering. I became an elder. And she used to brag to others about how she had an elder for a husband.Of course I did not find this out until after she left. She also became a Stanley Theatre Tour guide for the society.

    But with all I was doing, I cooked, cleaned, raked the big yard, vacuumed, washed clothes, washed dishes etc. etc. because I felt that a husband and wife should work together.

    While seeking justice during my case which lasted from 1998-2000 my ex walked out on me in July 2000 while I was away visiting my sister in California. I did not know she was going to leave and there was no discussion about it. Her brother-in law and another brother helped her move with a truck. My long-time neighbor witnessed this and told me when I came back from California.

    I know for a fact that even prior to her leaving, she had gone to the elders and told them I was an apostate.

    I also know that they encouraged her to leave, but she has her own responsibility in this because she is the one who made the decision. And even though she abandoned me and has always worked and banked her own money, that wicked witch is trying to get alimony from me!

    But the borg definitely played a part in breaking up our marriage and when the worldwide class action suit gets underway, this will be just one of the issues I intend to sue them on.

    I would not take her back under any circumstances. Period.

    Edited by - worf on 6 February 2003 11:33:49

    Edited by - worf on 6 February 2003 12:17:6

  • HoChiMin
    If you have been divorced do you think that the Watchtower Society contributed to the divorce, or caused it, or is it just possible you married some jerk or abuser and divorce would have occured no matter what religion you were, or even if you had no religion?

    All of the above.


    Posted from a network, therefore the familiar IP.

  • Francois

    Well, Worf, if you don't have any children, you're probably ok. In discovery, ask her for all of her bank records. If you're incredibly lucky, she's withhold some of them. Then you prove to the judge she did, and Viola! Contempt of Court for your ex. And a big ol' gold star for your side.

    Keep us up to date?


  • Lost Diamond
    Lost Diamond

    I was married to a JW for 11 years when I divorced him. I believe if I wasn't a good little witness girl, I would have dated more men and really discovered what turned me on. I was 16 and he was 21 when we met. Six years after we met, we were married. He was the only guy I ever dated, kissed....anything!! I think we probably just married so we wouldn't committ fornication (yes, I was a virgin when we married).

    He turned out to be very abusive. I also grew into a more independent woman with a lot more self-confidence than he had, and that's when I decided that was not the kind of life I wanted for our two kids and I. I had to go through with the divorce in fear that he would destroy any self-confidence that I had left. It was one of the most traumatic and difficult decisions I ever made, but I am very glad I did.

  • betweenworlds

    Nope! We'll be married 16 years this May We were both raised as JW's.

  • happyout

    I did marry some years later after leaving the WT and if I ever find myself alone again, I am just going to fornicate. - TresHappy

    This is exactly how I feel. I got married because I really believe children should be raised with two parents if at all possible, and I wanted children. While I still believe that, I think my dub upbringing made me too naive to judge character very well, and now I am married to a man who thinks his word is law, and he doesn't have to participate in household work because he's the man. Stupid rule "head of the household" bullsh**," the head is the person who does the most, regardless of their sex.

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