They're coming to get me! =)

by Mrs. Eden 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • berrygerry

    Do they have telephone hookup to the meeting?

    If so, use that as part of your fade. (Phone in and do something else.)

    When you attend in person, you remind them to take action. (Out of sight, out of mind.)

  • ToesUp

    Mrs. Eden

    I had a family member do the same exact thing to me. Questions and interogating. I put a stop to it real quick. I also gave them NOTHING they could hang me with. I basically said that I am doing fine and if I need to speak to them about anything I know where to reach them.

    Once they find out you are not attending regularly, they get the word out that you are in "spiritual danger." Then everyone tries to love bomb you! My questions is...why don't they love bomb you when you really need them? Sometimes I wonder if they are envious of the fact that you are moving on with your life and they wish they could do the same. I think there are some secret apostates. You never know what others are really thinking.

    If you give them NOTHING, it will drive them bananas. What does every JW enjoy more then anything? GOSSIP! It is their achillies heal! They feed off of gossip. Once they realize you are "playing dead" (like cat and mouse) they WILL loose interest. They have with us.

    Keep us posted and hang in there!

  • airborne

    I have to say that if you never want the JW's to bother you again from my experience DA'ing is the way to do it. Of course you have to ask yourself the question "Will I miss them?".

    It's been a year for me since my resignation. I was terrified a little bit a time or two after but God has really blessed me with quiet. Those people were such a neurotic influence in my life for the most part.

    The thing is you have to start your life COMPLETELY over again in every way as an apostate. They literally run while walking from me on the street if I happen to see them. As the saying goes "Choose wisely..."

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi Mrs. Eden, Have you read books by cult-exit counselors about reaching the authentic persona of a cult member, like Steven Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control, "Combating Cult Mind Control with one "t" updated version of his first book, "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs"), his website at, or watched his videos like Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23) .

    You can also answer her questions with questions about her family, children, anything that might bring her authentic persona out instead of her cult persona.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • atacrossroads
    I stopped going earlier this year so I understand the rescue attempts. It was tempting to just attend the odd meeting to keep them off my back but its never enough. It always do more do more do more. After I made the decision to stop attending meetings all together I was under intense pressure from my family and friends. I knew that even attending one meeting would reset the clock and give them all sorts of false hope. I learned that when I attended the memorial and the nagging intensified x2. Lesson learned. The more they pressure me the less contact I have with them. Sometimes I have to ask myself if my family is worth the trouble. My husband is so I keep the fade going.
  • Dumplin

    We just love the heck out of you, and wanna see you get better, please help us help what they say.

    People who are unhappy sometimes get consolation from seeing to it that others are unhappy too. Misery loves company.

    You have to have that "get off my lawn!" posture . i agree w/ the Amway reference. How do you stop these sort? Sometimes, you have to hurt their feelings to get through to them. You've done that already, and it worked. If they take it to the next step, just keep doing the same thing. ... let them know (in your own way) how offensive the intrusion is to you to the point of making you want to quit the religion entirely. And that's honest too... "You offend me". They don't want to stumble anybody, so use that against them. I finally told one elder: "I told Jehovah to just let me die" ...he asked: "you mean at Armageddon?" I said: "I don't care when." He got up immediately and walked out of my house (i think he got afraid i might do something to him). Never had any trouble after that. He knew not to mess with me.

  • Peony
    I was depressed when i stopped going to meetings, when family asked I used to say that the meetings were hard for me because I'd go and be 'encouraged' to do more meetings/field service and as at that point I was struggling to get out of bed the meetings made me feel so guilty....... Kept that going for 2 years then DA'd x
  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Mrs. Eden,

    As a Never a JW who happens to care little about social ties based on kinship, common religion, race, or country of origin, my suggestions may be too harsh and not appropriate for your situation. I will say it only so you know my personal choice if I ever were in your shoes. The hell with them!

    One good thing of your telling the story is that it reinforces my belief that I have to fight superstition and cults to be able to give the next generation a better world.

  • blondie

    I have been out since 2001, inactive, not attending any meetings. I cut off all contact with my jw family who kept "encouraging" me sending back any mails, blocking their phone calls, etc.

    It took 7 years to drop down to only my mother sending happy notes but that ended when I shredded the note and mailed it back.

    Changing the subject did not work, being direct and saying I did not need to hear WT stuff. I know my jw family never talked spiritually at any time when I was considered a good jw.

    Be simple, direct, make your no mean no, no explanations or "excuses." If they don't heed your polite requests, they are being abusive and don't love you.

    It would help to read some books on toxic relatives and spiritual abuse.

    Love, Blondie

  • LisaRose
    I would just screen my calls and not answer for a while, especially the sisters that are pressuring you to go out. Talk to your sister if she is behaving, but if she starts in again, say "I'm hanging up" then do. People only have the power over you that you give them.

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