Not DF'd but shunned anyway :-(

by Sirona 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sirona

    OK. I'm really quite upset.

    I am not disfellowshipped or disassociated. The people in the local congregation know very little about my life nowadays. Even my JW relatives don't know my current beliefs. Basically all they know is that I don't go to the hall anymore.

    I've just been shunned in the street by two JW women who have known me since I was a child. On other occasions I've suspected that JWs were avoiding me if they saw me in town, but I rationalised it by telling myself "they mustn't have seen me". This time, they saw me as I crossed the road - I saw them look at me. So I crossed and stood right in front of them both, smiled and said "hi". They both walked around me and looked at the ground without speaking. So no, I don't want to be a Jehovahs Witness, but yes, I was hurt.

    I immediately phoned one of my JW family to ask if they'd heard any announcement about me. I've not seen an elder for about a year, so they couldn't have DF'd or DA'd me on the basis of something I've said. Anyway, it seems that no announcement has been made and that these two totally hardened and unloving JWs decided to make their own judgements.

    Do they think this would make me want to return?

    I'm surprised at my reaction, actually. I thought I was pretty much getting over the JW experience. It has made my blood boil that they are self righteously shunning me with NO basis. I knew some of them were shunning me, but this really brought it home 100%. I can't imagine how hurt some people must feel who are DF or DA and who are shunned by former friends and their family.

    Perhaps I should make a point and ask an elder why I'm being shunned when I'm not DF? (then again, any discussion with them could lead to that happening, I guess).


  • ashitaka

    I actually held open a door at a store for a bitch that was in my former hall, and literally, she turned her nose up and walked away. LOL I held open the door for her, she could at least have said thank you.

    My little brother walks out behind her and says very loudly, "I guess that's the last time you open a door for that bitch."

    Ah.....there is wisdom in the innocence of youth, methinks.


  • Matty


    I guess it could. In their distorted mind I guess, they see it as "tough love" - I can never understand how such treatment could ever make anybody want to return to the Witnesses, it's totally bizarre.

  • blondie

    I have been shunned while actively attending meetings and not being marked, DA'd or DF'd.

    I think people are embarrassed because they haven't called or tried to make contact. Then they are ashamed or feel guilty and have to shove it off on someone and why not you, the shunnee. After all, it is your fault they feel this way. They will stop feeling this way when they no longer see you or encounter you.

    Ever had people say at the KH, "We'll have to get together sometime" and they have been saying it but not doing it for 5 years.

    Then if you aren't at the meetings, the gossip mill. Everyone with 1/2 an idea must expand it and share it, even add something that is just a judgmental supposition. Then they share that with others from a position of authority (elder or elder's wife perhaps) so that others think it must be true, look who said it.

    With some I just grab them and hug them and make them acknowledge me. With others I take the lead in shunning them first so they know it.

    I'm sorry Sirona, because I understand the pain it causes only too well.

    Blondie(not the Ugly American but the Ugly Witness)

  • Scully


    They shun because they believe it will make you want to go back to their brand of conditional, performance based love.

    Keep reminding yourself that you deserve better than that.

    Also, whenever you see a JW make sure that you are as happy as a pig in $h!t. Nothing makes them more annoyed than to see a former JW being happy, enjoying life and completely free of the obligations and burdens that they still carry around being loyal JWs. What they want, is for you to become the exJW Poster Child: the pathetic picture of utter misery, self-inflicted pain and self-destructive behaviour... something for them to cackle about behind your back. Don't give them the satisfaction.

    Love, Scully

  • gumby

    Do they think this would make me want to return?

    Amen to that. I went one time to the hall to see my grandson give his first talk......and only for that reason. I could tell people were glad and surprised I was there......but of course I was shunned. I told my wife after she came home from the service meeting...."why the hell would I want to go back and have pepole treat me like that.....why?. I think she knew why also.

    Being shunned sirona, my your closest family.....really sucks. I have grandkids 7 and 10 and am going to miss there childhood because they can't be around me. Personally I'd like to shoot the dirty bastards at headquarters responsible for this..........but there's too many of them

  • archangel01

    Want to know what I would do.Because just thinking about that makes my blood boil. I would buy a big cherry icey soft drink and pretend I slipped on something and dump it on them and say I'm sorry I didn't see you because I was looking down on the ground to shun you.

    If I saw them in a store I would put extra items in there carts when they weren't looking like condoms, flee, etc etc. Then get in the same checkout line as them and watch the festivitys. Also when the person has the condoms in there hand say real loud "YOUR A CHRISTIAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT YOUR NOT MARRIED YOU SLUT" LOL

    I can think of so many things.If they want to play games like that, then I say lets play.

    anyone else have some good pranks.

  • HoChiMin
    It has made my blood boil that they are self righteously shunning me with NO basis.

    I'm sure you realize the shunning will never and has never had any basis in good old dub land. Try not to let it linger, their not worth it.


  • Sirona

    Ashitaka -

    My little brother walks out behind her and says very loudly, "I guess that's the last time you open a door for that bitch."

    LOL! Classic!


  • Sirona

    Matty - somehow I doubt they're trying to give "tough love". I guess they're just thinking I'm now wicked.

    Scully, you are right. I MUST show them that I'm happy now. They like their delusions that people who leave the "truth" are all ruining their lives, don't they? Actually, I'm more spiritual now!

    Archangel - LOL! That is HILARIOUS!!! Especially the condom one. LOL.

    Gumby, so sorry about your Grandchildren, it makes me sick. They say they don't break up families????

    HCM - yes, I've gotta just move on from this and realise that its built up MY conviction never to go back!


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