Welcome, Emyrose.
The above posts are pretty warm and helpful. I just wanted to add that perhaps you are having anxiety attacks and/or you're fearful of failure. After all, you have been conditioned by the organization not to participate in higher education (God won't like you if you spend time on that rather than Him). Has your family belittled your worth most of your life? Later, the "friends" did when you began thinking for yourself and asking questions, didn't they? You've been doing splendidly in college until now, when you have a real chance at
success and good job offers, and you may be asking yourself (sub-consciously) if you DESERVE such good things?
You describe yourself as judgmental and a perfectionist, and it seems you judge yourself as harshly as you do others, holding them and you up to impossible standards. Emyrose, Almighty God HIMSELF doesn't hold us accountable for all our sins. We are able to be declared righteous by Him because of the Ransom even when we are NOT righteous. DECLARE YOURSELF and your friends "righteous enough.
Many ex-JWs needed somebody to tell us that we were special. My mother just asked me why it was that my grandparents were Masons, my grand-uncles and aunts and families moved to Utah and became Mormons, and I became one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I told her we all must have a need to be "special" in some way -- even if it was as part of a fanatical cult! Maybe you are feeling the loss of the artificial specialness given you by the WTBTS? But, Emyrose, that wonderful boyfriend you keep judging thinks you're pretty special. And you have friends, too, who are honest enough to tell you when you're "opinionated."
Please do seek professional help. And please do hang around here and let us get to know you better.
outnfree