Women are COWS!
Oh, the Satanic influence of an ovum at large! Redundancy, a wily tool of the devil, lying in ambush to attack the grammatically unwary! I hang my head in shame. Not only have I been redundant, but now I am writing in sentence fragments.
In the midst of my sorrow and endless troubles, I did look at the definition of "cow" in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary. A cow can also refer to "a domestic bovine animal regardless of sex or age."
cowI think you're just being a woolly bully.
1 a : the mature female of cattle (genus Bos)
b : the mature female of various usually large animals (as an elephant, whale, or moose)
2 : a domestic bovine animal regardless of sex or age
I think you're just being a woolly bully.If I am woolly, surely I must be one of the blessed sheep!
However, I am happy to defer to your apparently more intimate knowledge of what makes a cow a cow...
"Women .. ain't nothing but a hank of hair and a bag of bones"
Now - do you know who said that?
Women .. ain't nothing but a hank of hair and a bag of bonesThat can only be our beloved Judge, ever sensitive to women's issues and needs.
In order to fine tune my theocratic mindset, I have been doing some research online regarding the reproductive habits of dairy cattle. I will share my findings with you even though, as a sheep, they do not apply to you. For sheep, I suggest a careful reading of Genesis chapter 30, in which you can learn about the use of streaked rods to determine whether your offspring will be striped or spotted.
An understanding of cattle psychology, combined with well designed facilities, will reduce stress on both you and your cattle. . . .From: http://www.gov.on.ca/OMAFRA/english/livestock/dairy/facts/84-048.htm#Signs
Cattle have long memories. Animals that have been handled roughly will be more stressed and difficult to handle in the future. Animals that are handled gently and that have become accustomed to handling procedures will experience very little stress when handled. . . .
Although painful procedures cannot be avoided, decreasing agitation and excitement will reduce stress. Cattle remember such painful restraints as nose tongs. Handling will be easier in the future if you use a halter to hold the heads and keep electric prod usage to an absolute minimum.
Signs of HeatInterestingly, in the bovine world, there is even a handy device called a heat detector. If this device were modified for use in the human world, it would greatly simplify the mating ritual:
Standing to be mounted is considered the primary sign of heat. Most cows show increased sexual activity before estrus or actual standing heat. Secondary heat signs indicating a cow is near estrus include:
alert, restless behaviour, bawling
shortened feeding time
aggressive behaviour, butting
swollen, reddened vulva
withholding of milk
mounting other cows
chin pressing on other cows
sniffing, licking of vulva, lip curling
Heat Mount DetectorsGinny, bawling and curling her lip
Heat mount detectors (Kamar) are pressure-sensitive devices that can be glued on the rump of cows to be checked for heat. When a cow in standing heat is fully mounted by another cow, the pressure causes a color change in the dye capsule in the heat-mount detector. Cows can also be marked with special paint or grease pen. Mounting activity will wear off or smear the marked area.
Quoting: "What a price for a girl, a virgin, to pay for a few minutes of satisfied sex emotions!"
Perhaps those of you who are plagued with roaming ova will enjoy this joke:
Father O'Brien was very strict in the administration of the St. Agnes School for Girls. He was understandably alarmed one day upon hearing rumors that some of his students were discussing the possibility of sexual relations before marriage. He knew that he had to act quickly to preserve the standards of modesty and abstention. So he had a very large sign placed near the entrance of the school one morning. Written on the sign in large capital letters:
"IS AN HOUR OF SIN WORTH A LIFETIME OF GUILT?"
The next morning he arrives and finds a message on the bottom of the sign, written in small feminine handwriting:
"How can I get my boyfriend to last a whole hour?"
It is in a song. I remember listening to it on a forty five but I can't remember who sang it. Please don't keep me in suspense.
Women .. ain't nothing but a hank of hair and a bag of bones
The song is Honeycomb. "With a hank of hair and a piece of bone, he made a walking, talking honeycomb."
The quote is "To a rag and a bone and a hank of hair (We called her the woman who did not care) But the fool he called her his lady fair-- (Kipling's "The Vampire")
I knew it was Kipling, but Zazzu found the exact quote. (She is a smart wench)
Larc (of the getting himself in trouble with his wife class. Lots of members in this class.)
The expression, "a rag and a bone and a hank of hair", about women, somewhat changed when Rutherford uttered it, originally came from the poem "The Vampire" by Rudyard Kipling.
A FOOL there was and he made his prayer
(Even as you and I!)
To a rag and a bone and a hank of hair,
(We called her the woman who did not care),
But the fool he called her his lady fair
(Even as you and I!)
See the rest here: http://www.zoomnet.net/~petecol/kipling.html
The expression has been used quite a few times since then, most recently in the title of a Stephen King book, "Bag of Bones".
"Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate." - Occam
i hardly know what to say!!!! that is one of the most retarded articles i have ever read. i've also found it true, that, in the witness world, a man can fall into the same temptation without having to deal with shame, guilt, a ruined reputation, etc. men who sleep around have a "hard time controlling their urges", while women doing the same thing are generally looked at as "sluts". which stigma would you rather deal with? even when i expect it, the ignorance sometimes astounds me.-nate
I have a hard time believing that Fred Franz never had sex. He was obviously a real catch. He was so in-tune and right on regarding his views on women and how they are so similar to cows. It's enough to make my loins a-quiver with lust. I can't believe he was never 'snatched up' so to speak. [8>] What a deludenoid.
Hilarious post. I've enjoyed all the responses. Messenger and Dedalus, you guys crack me up. I'm also concerned about Ginny wandering around with that ovum at large!
Dedalus, I also noted that there was no mention of the boys' guilt or shame that he should supposedly feel after having indulged his sexual urges and knocked her up! You're right, those old time religious tight nuts couldn't imagine a healthy relationship with a female no matter what. Good thing for us modern women we have intuitive, sensitive guys like you around:)