I Am So Sad (page 3)

acsot

(((((((((((((((((Windchaser)))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm a dub (extricating myself slowly), and at 46 years old, I know much of my life was spent in useless activity, but my mother became a Witness because she firmly believed it and thought she was doing the right thing for her family. Parents try and do what they think is best for their kids, and of course make mistakes, as we all do. I know that as an adult now I have to take responsibility for my life and do what I now believe to be best for me. Maybe your daughter will come around and realize what she's missing out on.

Double Edge

Windchaser... I've sent you an email.

SheilaM

Wind:

Why not make it a good day? Try to look at their baby books photo's and think about the past with them not the future without them.

As far as them being mad, can you talk to them and apologize and tell them I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what God wanted I was WRONG but now I know. I am only human, I was growing up just as you are etc.

That is what I did I cried and told them how sorry I was that they lived through hell because we thougth we had the Truth, neither of my kids are now angry

If not Wind they need to look in their own hearts don't they

((((((Wind)))))please don't cry

LyinEyes

Dear((((((((((((((( Wind)))))))))))))))))))))))) I feel so sad for you right now. You have been thru so much loss..... and it is understandable how you would feel sad on today. I get that way on the anniversary of my mom's death,,,,,,, it starts like a few weeks before, the empty sadness , I usually don't realize what I am feeling until I look at the calander. She died Sept , 15, and that time of year, the weather starts changing just slightly and it used to be her favorite time of year.
As much as I love and miss my mother,,,,,,, I can not even begin to say I understand your pain over the loss of your son and the emotional loss of your daughter right now. I came close to losing a my youngest son, he was born too early, but he lived, I am afraid I wouldnt make it if something happened to any of my three. I can't even stand for them to stay gone for too many days at a time.

I guess the feelings of pain and loss that I did go thru with my mom, made me see how short life is , how precious time is with our loved ones. So I try to everyday be the best I can, but lord knows I am not the best mom myself. Raising a 16 yr old son , has been hard , there are times, I hate myself for being a crappy mom, always doing the wrong thing, thinking I am doing the right thing.

I know there is nothing to bring back your son, but I want to believe that there is an afterlife and we will see our loved ones again,,,,, so if he is already there,,,,,, he knows you love him. Don't you wish that if those who are in heaven , if they go to heaven,,,,,,,could just comfort us a little? That would be nice.

Keep trying with your daughter,,,,,,,,, I just know she needs you right now, I am sure she feels a void too,,,,, like someone said , write a card, letters, tell her how you feel. What ever response you get it will be good for her to know how her mama feels about her, and in time , if not right away, she will come back to your open arms. If she has children I am sure she will see you in a different light , even if she won't admit it. When I had my kids, I realized how hard it was to be a mom, and I made some of the same mistakes that I condemned my mother for. I feel sorry that I was hard on my mom ,, and I can't tell her face to face , I was wrong.

Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you, one who is reaching out , feeling heartbreak over not seeing her. I hope she realizes this , so keep up the writing , or trying to contact her if you can. Does your son see her? Maybe he can just give her the letter and persuade her to read it, without getting in further in the middle , just this once , ask him or some relative to get her to read the letter.

I know when you and your daughter find your way back together, some of your grief will fade and you can have her and your son, to comfort you about the son you lost.

Shakita

Windchaser,

Sometimes circumstances beyond our control contributed to a certain situation. You didn't provide the details on why you feel that you were a rotten mother, but I suspect that you are being much too hard on yourself. I also know that JW indoctrination led me to do a lot of things that I ordinarily wouldn't have done. After looking back on how I had treated my children at times, I suffered deep and painful regret, depression, anguish and heartache. I felt that I had let my children and wife down and that I was a failure.

In reality Windchaser, we are often our own worst enemies. We parents are far harder on ourselves than others around us are. Please be realistic of what you expect of yourself. We were taught by the JW's to strive for perfection. When we inevitably failed to make it to that impossible to reach standard we felt like failures. Can you really say that everything you did as a mother could be perceived as rotten? I doubt it. There is seldom a person that is all bad and no good. We all have the good and the bad in us. Instead of dwelling on the negative, forget about it and dwell on the positive.

Have you ever thought about writing your daughter a letter describing your emotions to her? Even if that letter didn't result in a reconciliation between you and her, at least it's therapeutic to write our thoughts and inmost emotions on paper. Doing so will help you to heal and to stop beating yourself up.

We were taught by the JW's to be forgiving in imitation of our Heavenly Father. I still believe that our Father is very, kind, loving and forgiving. You may have forgiven others for what they have done against you. Why don't you forgive yourself. After all, even though we are parents, we are still only human. Our children sometimes forget that we are imperfect human beings with foibles and fears of our own. Our children may also expect more of us than we can possibly give.

Have you ever considered discussing these things with a therapist? I feel that they, as a third party, can be much more insightful and sympathetic to our plight than someone close to us. Keeping things bottled up inside will just lead to further pain and anxiety. Whatever you decide, look at the good in yourself. Give yourself allowance for your negative qualities. We all have them, but that doesn't mean that we are bad persons as a result of it. Please let us know how things work out. I care.

Mr. Shakita

Grunt

Hi Windchaser,
I am so sorry for the loss of your son and so sorry for your pain with your daughter. Being human we can only do our best. When you were raising them in the cult I am sure you thought you were doing what was right and what was best for their long term interests. Nothing can undo the loss of your son, please accept my deepest sympathy for that, however your daughter can change and might. No one knows what lies ahead. I hope with all my heart that your daughter comes around and that she finds the maturity and love in her heart to forgive any pain and to come close to you again.
I can think of no better place to come with such a situation than this board. So many here are in at least partially similar circumstances. It is good that you can also hear from children who are the other side of the coin as with Jade. I lost my daughter to the cult also and also because I exposed her to it in her youth. There are a lot of great stories of people who regained loved ones lost because of this cult. I hope yours becomes one of those. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Grunt

Mary

Windy said: There's no way of contacting my daughter. When I have, she has been too angry to talk with me. We haven't spoken for many years.)

Try looking her up on www.whitepages.com

You can find anybody in the country. Don't try calling her. Just send her a birthday card with a note inside. When people are angry at you, it's often better to communicate with them in writing instead of face to face. It gives them a chance to think and maybe reconsider things.

Good luck.

FreeFallin

((((((((((((((WindChaser)))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that you feel so bad. I've never had children, but i know losing them is the hardest loss to bear.

Free

Xena

Sorry to hear you are having a bad day Windy I know the anniversary of my parents deaths are still tough for me...it's funny I don't consciously remember them...I will just find myself feeling really blue and look at the calender and realize what day it is....it is especially tough when you have no one to remember and share those moments with...so know that we are here for you.....and try to think about the good moments...

your friend Diane

ESTEE

((((((((((Windy!))))))))))

I think I know how you feel about those baaaaad days. . . I have two kids who shun me. When their birthday comes around, or my son's anniversary . . . those days are just plain shi**y. (rhymes with kitty)

My therapist assured me, "Stay with the feelings of pain . . . and transform them into something beautiful . . ." Argh! That was/is soooo hard to do!

I liked SheilaM's response, when she suggested looking at your old photo albums and talking to your children. My sense is that would feel very healing. I believe that there is such a thing as a "cosmic connection", and somehow - - - on some other level - - - your children will know. I believe our children still love us, they are struggling with their loyalties to their jw-isms vs. their loyalties to mom. It is not a comfortable "place" for them to be, either. It is unnatural to cut their mom out of their life. Hopefully one day, they will soften their hearts toward you/me.

I don't know what it would be like to have lost a child in death. However, I certainly do know what it feels like to think that my kids view me as dead.

In the meantime, our lives continue. Know that you are beloved by everyone here on this forum. And thanks for sharing your day with us. . .we are here for ya, Windy!!! Vent away!!

(((((HUGS)))))

Esther

I Am So Sad

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