boyfriend ex jehovah witness please help
so i posted yesterday. my boyfriend and i have been living together for a year, and he went to the memorial tonight (sorry if that’s not what it’s called). i told him i was upset he didn’t invite me but wasn’t going to tell him not to go because he hasn’t talked to his family for over a year. we got in a little arguement when i got home from work because he promised to be home and was only going to see his grandma, but now he is telling me he’s having dinner with his family and if its ok if i stay at my moms(even though i pay rent) because he’s tired of fighting. this might not be the right place to ask this advice but i have no one to talk to. these past three weeks he has friends who want to all of a sudden hang out! also, last sunday jehovah’s came to our door and knew his name! how do they know where we live? he told me he want a year and a half ago before i moved in...i’m sorry i know you are all going through a lot today because of this celebration but i don’t know anyone else to ask
He doesn’t pay rent and now is wanting to get back with his family all part of a cult. He also is telling you to stay home so he can go be with them and he doesn’t have to bring you up. Ok so here’s the reality of the situation he’s a cult member. Even though he may have left he’s still a brainwashed believer.
You need to ask yourself if you still want to be with him because he’s probably going to go back and kick you to the kurb so he doesn’t get into anymore trouble. If he does stay with you and you don’t become a JW he and all his friends will treat you like a second class citizen. Do you want that.
Cults are evil and JW are one of the worst!
Best advice; as long as he wants to remain a JW, you will not be considered a long-term prospect if you don't agree to joining his cult. Seriously consider planning your future without him now - because you will not be part of his!
Find someone who's not cult-indoctrinated.
.i’m sorry i know you are all going through a lot today because of this celebration but i don’t know anyone else to ask
No need to apologise, were not going through a lot, we actually enjoy talking about it with each other now that we're out of it.
As a previous poster has said, you were excluded because he doesn't want to have to bring you up. Also, he'd likely be embarrassed you being around because JW family's look down on non JWs. Sometimes in a married couple one will join the religion and JWs won't look at the non-JW with the same respect. The non-JW is only viewed as a potential convert at best.
If he's acting this way now it's a very bad sign. He's obviously still got some remnants of the cult brainwashing going on in his mind. His family will be using passive aggression to lure back to the cult and, as a result, away from you.
In situations like this their literature portrays YOU as the problem and him as the "good JW returning to "the truth".
now he is telling me he’s having dinner with his family and if its ok if i stay at my moms(even though i pay rent) because he’s tired of fighting.
.........these past three weeks he has friends who want to all of a sudden hang out! also, last sunday jehovah’s came to our door and knew his name! how do they know where we live?
he told me he want a year and a half ago before i moved in...
I don't under stand that last sentence. He wasn't a JW now he's inching back?
Isn't staying at your Moms because he's tired of fighting....... telling you something?
Is he getting pulled back into this cult because he has family and friends still in it or he really believes it? The problem is separating his real beliefs from his need for the JW social acceptance.
Anyway if he was Disfellowshiped I don't understand all this family and friends issue. Basically he gets to attend the Memorial and see his family......... then it's back to being shuned.
Are the friends that want to hang out JW's? . If so not good....as they tend to be self centered jerks......... if non JW worldly friends that he doesn't want you around....... also not good.
By the way......... virtually none of us consider this memorial as anything but garbage so your not using up our time or anything remotely like that. This is what we do here..........we help people to get out or away from the corrupting influence of the JW's and their pathetic members.
Apart from those that actually believe in this religion there are an equal number of so called 'believers' who game the system.......... who use the JW world as a way to get away with a variety of bad actions.. Their respect is centered around their self interests. And still others who are more then happy to break the rules and gain 'relationships with benefits'.
This is not going away. Take it from someone who knows. You will be riding on this emotional roller coaster for many years, if not always. Decide now if you want to be a part of some one who is still mentally indoctrinated into a cult, with family in the cult. He WILL at some point try to go back. He may not make it, he might begin researching but you have no idea, no guarantee, you can’t even believe what he says because he will say one thing then posiblly “ have a change of heart” and feel that is acceptable.
Do some serious evaluation on your own tolerance level, your own life, your own goals. This relationship is signing up for a WHOLE lot of emotional turmoil with a huge chance he will go back.
What everybody else said!
You need to thoroughly research this cult and what being a ubm (unbelieving mate) will mean for you if you are planning any long term relationship with him.
PS- don't call it a cult to him, it really doesn't go over well and you will not be able to discuss anything after that. You will be filled with satan at that point, if you aren't already (in his & other jw's mind).
Although you probably need it a little harsh, I will try to say it in a way that isn't as hard-hitting as comments before mine.
He may not want to live the Jehovah's Witnesses lifestyle, but he misses his family. He hasn't necessarily deceived you, but he isn't sure if he wants a life with you or a life with them yet.
He wanted to go to the Memorial without you because he could then have open "fellowship" with his family, but if you were there, they would have almost certainly kept their distance. You would be the proof that he is not trying to live a moral (as defined by them) life.
But as stated, you cannot proceed with a relationship while he is subject to going back and forth on his issues.
Sorry that you'r going through rough times. If you are fighting all the time, maybe the JW thing isn't the issue. Would you consider talking to a professional in marriage counseling? Not everything bad that happens in a relationship has to do with the WT.
Having a talk with him about topics that aren't comfortable without it escalating into a fight is something that many couples struggle with, and that has nothing to do with him being a JW.
I am sorry you are going through this. He is not able to have the relationship you deserve in his current state. Unfortunately he is more consumed with the cult than your relationship. If you continue in this way you will be hurt, again and again. Your needs will always come second to this so called religion. He can’t have a girlfriend and return to the cult, it doesn’t work that way.