I've noticed in my own situation and others that even though we are DF'd or DA'd, that occasionally our holier than thou Jehovah Witness relatives will deem it "appropriate" to visit. This is after months or years of shunning in some cases.
Example:
This Christmas my non-JW cousin came to visit from Houston and stayed with us a few days. Because *my cousin* was at my house, who has never been a JW, my annointed saintly mother decided it was okay to come over.... not for dinner but afterwards. Well, my two sisters were there, one DF'd and the other who hasn't attended a meeting in years. I'm DA'd. No problem it seemed. The only thing that seemed to make it a Watchtower allowed visit was the fact my JW mother wanted to see my cousin.
A few days later, my younger JW brother who shuns me and my sisters joined us at a restaurant. (He waited until after we had eaten. Wooooo, big big sin eating with the apostates, ya know!) Again, the only reason he did this was because my cousin was there. I haven't seen my brother's new daughter yet, but he allowed himself to join us simply because my cousin was there.
It would seem if you have a Watchtower legalized reason to visit your DF'd relatives, then it's ok to talk to them. In this case I guess my mother and brother reasoned it was okay to be around their former JW family members because they reasoned *they were there to see their cousin.* Not us.
I used to pay my mother to clean my house. Now, mind you, she wouldn't come over and have lunch, nor would she have dinner. But because I paid her to do maid service, it was *a business relationship* so she could come over and see me.
I'm sure there are many more situations like this involving cousins, children, siblings, spouses, what-have-you. But the last time the elders visited me, about a year ago, we got into a discussion on what the current rules of disfellowshipping were and they told me if a JW ate or socialized with a DA'd or DF'd JW, family or not, then that JW could be DF'd.
I also find it funny that my JW mother and brother are fanatical about not eating with us, but drinking (especially beer or my frozen margueritas) is okay!