Choices we have, choices we make....

by Sunchild 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • larc


    I think a lot of older people who carry a lot of anger and/or depression could learn from your post. You are moving on and not staying stuck. I think that is what we all should do.

    One thing about the advice from the older ones, you can always listen to what makes sense to you and reject the rest.

    I wish you the best.

  • COMF
  • Francois

    Your description of your father's behavior made me weak in the knees. That could have been my father you're describing; my dynamic between myself and my father you're describing. But I didn't do anything about that sick dynamic until I was 43, at least 22 years too late. But still it was done and I'm a better person for it. And it didn't do any good for my father, he didn't change at all. I did all the changing. Now he's 81 and still the same.

    You go for it, girl. Go now. Go and don't look back. Go and stay gone. Go and become all your potential provides. And I hope for every tear that bastard caused you to shed you have a year of happiness and success. Take it from a fellow abusee, you couldn't be doing what you're doing any better.

    You will let us know how you're doing in your new life?


  • mommy

    I am so happy for you. I was going to post on your other thread, but it sounded really dorky and maternal. Now this stuff I can use

    Yes, I know that there are others who have suffered more than I have, but that doesn't make my point any less valid: for a young person, I've lived a long time.

    I really believe this comment. I have seen older 12 year old children than 25 year old adults.
    I want to share with you a cross-stiching project I made, I don't know the author, sorry.
    If it should happen,
    that your dreams are shattered
    Do not be afraid,
    because dreams that are easily shattered,
    can just as easily be rebuilt.

    I am wishing the best for you on your new adventure. Keep that smile girl, I know mine kept me going for a long time.

    That was beautiful, thank you!

  • Sunchild

    In an effort to conserve board space....

    Larc: Thanks. Life looks pretty good right now, so I just figure there's not much point in dwelling on the stuff I can't change. Much more fun to worry about other things, like where in my new room my collection of Harry Potter stuff should go.

    Francoise: {{{{Francoise}}}} Sometimes -- probably most of the time -- your ownly hope is to be the one who does the changing. The people who hurt you rarely do. And of course I'll let everyone know how things turn out. Believe it or not, though, I'm not even angry at my father anymore. All I have left for him is pity, since he'll never understand exactly what he's done, especially to himself.

    COMF: Awwww! That's so sweet. Thank you.

    Mommy: That's a wonderful poem, and thank you for your good wishes. I also read your post in the "I'm disgusted with all of you" thread, some of the things that you've been through. I just had to say that you're every bit as tough and brave as you are sweet and adorable, maybe even moreso. You keep on smiling, too. You've earned it.


    "Most men complacently accept 'knowledge' as 'truth'. They are sheep, ruled by fear."
    -- Sydney Losstarot, "Vagrant Story."

  • Esmeralda


    I'm really proud of you, hon. You are doing the only thing you can do with
    parents like yours...get far away, or at least set strong bounderies.

    Your parents sound a lot like mine. I could relate to everything that you said.
    I too was a 'dream child', never smoked, drank, slept around (Was a virgin
    when I married a good JW boy at 19) all of that. Yet they berated me,
    set me up to fail, and outright sabotaged any attempts I made to get away.
    They continue to do this with my brother, who at 22 still lives at home,
    can't even drive a car, and would be completely unable to function in society
    on his own, because of their sabotage.

    They would have continued to do the
    same to me. Finally I said 'enough, I can't do this anymore, I'm not living
    a lie and I'm getting the hell out'. They said they wouldn't help me
    end my marriage, that I was making a mistake. I did it anyway.

    Now, they say "We can't picture you, or life, without Justin." If I'd listened
    to them, Justin wouldn't be in my life at all now, let alone my husband!

    So I salute you, and I'm proud that you know that alchohol and promiscuity
    don't need to be part of your life for you to be living in freedom.

    You will have love, you will have joy, you will have all the things you deserve
    because you are agressively going after happiness. That is something
    we all have to learn to do if we're ever going to get it.

    I've done it, and I have it. So I can tell you...keep eyes forward, cause
    girl, it is SO worth it...


    You've made us proud! Please keep us posted as you start your journey.

    In the words of famous twin olympic runners Alvin and Calvin Harrison:
    "Go to your destiny!"


    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • Esmeralda

    P.S. COMF...thanks for the link to the MP3...I haven't heard that song in at least ten years
    and it brought back a lot of memories for me.

    when I was a child a teacher told me to write a short story based on something that
    inspired me. I chose this song. It was one of the first fictional stories I ever wrote.

    Justin just told me he thinks he remembers singing it in an assembly at school when he was

    Dan Fogleberg has a very distinctive voice...thanks so much for the memories!!!

    *hugs* love ya

    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • Winston Smith
    Winston Smith

    Hi Sunchild,

    We've lots of similarities....alcoholic dad, time in the borg. At 39 I'd was at the end of my rope, desperately wanting out of the WT and the marriage from hell. I did make it out, bitter and dissilusioned. But like you, I realized I had a choice. Either let my pain cause me to wither and shut down, or make the decision to use it to open myself up, and finally start to live. I applaud your wisdom and fortitude at such a young age.

    "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."
    -perhaps a bit trite, but it rings true to me - life isn't perfect, but it's a blast nonetheless. I'm having too much fun being me.


  • Esmeralda

    WINNNNSTTTTONNNN!!!! You found us! :) Been meaning to write to you, as usual
    I'm so behind on my e mail.

    Happy to have you here, dude. Hope you're feeling well...

    Hope you post when you can! Send me an update on what you're up to if you get a chance!


  • Uncanny

    Hello, Sunchild,

    Good to see you back and writing so well again.

    Yes, you CAN make it on your own. It just takes a little practice.
    I've had 18 years of it now and don't believe I'm bitter or old yet.


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