married an unbeliever (was DF, but came back shortly after)--
It's unfair to your non-JW husband that you have gone back to this crappy religion. My crystal ball says you were rebellious in going out with a non-believer, but he thought you were great. Choices are limited in JW land.
JWs don't usually DF someone for marrying an unbeliever unless there were charges of immorality or marriage in a church. Then you had kids and the pressure was on from JWs and JW family for you to come back to the KH- now hubby has to put up with you going back to the meetings and the KH, assemblies, service, etc. taking you away from the family and him. Very unfair- a stab in the back to him. By going back to the KH, you made the elders the head of your house= your worldly husband got demoted and he doesn't even know that.
The time is short for you to make amends to your husband and children. Set out the Halloween decorations, put up the Xmas tree, have a birthday party and the KH will wash their hands of you. The faster the better. You already have figured it out= the WT religion is a scam. Don't worry about your parents- you have children, that is leverage enough, but severely limit their visits and only under your total supervision with the rule that the JW religion is never to be discussed with them.
The general advice given to worldly folks who ask about dating a JW (getting serious) is to find someone else, asap and avoid the heartache. .Good luck on leaving the KH and staying away- it can be done, others have done it and so can you.
I'm sorry if my true words are not nice sounding. I'm being an advocate for the unbelieving husband - he deserves better.