Intro and Thoughts

by ThinkerBelle 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • ThinkerBelle

    I've been lurking on the board for almost a year now and I think I'm ready to come out of hiding (although, I'm so nervous as I type this). I'm not ready to share everything about my story, but the basics are that I'm a born-in, elder's kid, baptized as a teenager because I was tired of hearing people ask me "All your friends are baptized, when are you going to get baptized?", married an unbeliever (was DF, but came back shortly after) and we have two kids. I'm ready to get out of this dictating organization! My main reason for staying in is my family - only my husband, his parents/siblings, and a good friend, all non-witness, know my thoughts. About half my family is in and the other half out, but the main thing keeping me in are my parents. What started me on this journey is actually researching the holidays and my brother-in-law who professes to be an atheist. I was looking for information to defend our beliefs and of course, came across many different views and found this website. I quit looking after a couple months, but then started up again as I took a religion course in college and was mightily surprised. Delving into the beliefs of the ancient religions and then studying Judaism and Christianity just opened the door for so many questions and validity. I then of course, found jw facts and well, the rest is probably very familiar history for many on here. Having in-laws and husband not in, I do have a channel for discussion, thankfully. There are many times I wanted to comment on this forum, but was too nervous and afraid of being found out or lightning striking so I refrained.

    My faith in everything I have been taught and regurgitated for so long is being brought into question. I still want to believe in a God, a creator, I think - although I've gone back and forth on the topic. I do believe in spirit beings mostly because of the experiences of my husband and in laws had that were retold to me. My MIL had issues with spirits - like things moving across a room, doors closing, and actual "forms" interacting - as a youngster that followed into adult life where my husband saw some of the things as a child. How do non-believers explain phenomenon like that? And these aren't "crazy people", especially my husband, he's a no BS type of guy. So right now, I'm just trying to take it all in and started reading other versions of the Bible and in context. I did read CoC over summer and about to start Freedom, but I am in college full time, so my reading time has been cut drastically short. I'm also looking at other religions, I still think I want to be part of a community of believers and am considering visiting some other churches, if anything, just to see what it's like. I've always wondered why other churches have programs for children & teens, but the jws don't, this bothers me. This is the first year I haven't told my kids' teachers that they are jws and I told them it was up to them what they wanted to do and not do as we embark on this journey.......just don't tell grandma.

    I also just attended the regional this past weekend and what really made me curl under my skin were two things (I did walk around the back a lot though, so the list could have been longer). The intro to the new Jesus book, the speaker said (paraphrasing) that this was an update of the old one that reflects the "new light" - this is one thing that has been bothering me the last couple years - why so many changes if we are supposed to be God's direct channel and, only when something needs to be changed, are we presented magically with this new interpretation? The other thing was in the last talk given by a CO; he read the scripture in Matthew about the two gates and made the statement that "ALL" jws are on that narrow road and everyone else in the world is on the broad one. What was funny, is that just prior to this, he had been reading scriptures about not judging and provided one of those famous lists that queues everyone to grab a pen about not judging ourselves, the "friends", and those in our ministry. Isn't that exactly what he did with that statement?

    Anyways, that's my little intro (well, it did get wordy, sorry, I'm an English major); I think I'm ready to start venturing out past my comfort limits now and see where this life leads me.

  • stuckinarut2

    Welcome ThinkerBelle!

    (great name too!)

    Nice opening post.

    Yes, many of us lurked here for some time before becoming active. As you can see, all here are genuine people who had genuine concerns and motivations that prompted sincere thinking....

    You are amongst a diverse group, all linked by a common cause.

    We look forward to hearing more from you.

  • Xanthippe
    Welcome ThinkerBelle. Sounds like you have a good support system in your husband and inlaws to help with your fade. Looking forward to your thoughts on the forum.
  • FayeDunaway

    Thinker, I SOOOoOoOoOooo identify with almost everything you said in your intro post. It still amazes me how coming here is like looking in a mirror. That's the power of the cult, I suppose, that we could have such similar experiences.

    Definitely try other churches. Research first. Most of them have online presences where you can check them out first. Make sure it's going to have the right vibe for you. If, unlike me, you start leaning toward atheism, you can make peace with that too, as many others have here.

    That is a HUGE STEP that first time you don't tell the new teachers you are witnesses! I remember those days! I did say that the teachers might get mixed messages, and explain you are in the process of leaving, and letting the kids decide what they feel comfortable with.

    OMG, welcome and im so glad you're here.

  • Sabin
    Hello Tink, it`s so nice to meet you. It sounds like your in a good place to fade out, I mean that you have family on the outside to talk to. Sorry about your parents that's tough. Good that your kids are young so their not in a place where their being pushed into baptism. Look forward to getting to know you. SABIN
  • Saintbertholdt

    Hi there Tinkerbelle,

    Glad you've woken up.

    Regarding Paranormal experiences. Many factors may contribute to a person experiencing the paranormal:

    These include: Suggestibility, priming (cultural and religious background and environment). Then also

    Pareidolia - a psychological phenomenon involving a stimulus (an image or a sound) wherein the mind perceives a familiar pattern where none actually exists.

    Apophenia - a human tendency of perceiving patterns or connections in random or meaningless information.

    Hypnagogia - the experience of the transitional state from wakefulness to sleep. Mental phenomena that occur during this "threshold consciousness" phase include lucid dreaming, hallucinations, and sleep paralysis. Some have experienced a thing called the "Phantom face".


  • out4good4
    The other thing was in the last talk given by a CO; he read the scripture in Matthew about the two gates and made the statement that "ALL" jws are on that narrow road and everyone else in the world is on the broad one. What was funny, is that just prior to this, he had been reading scriptures about not judging and provided one of those famous lists that queues everyone to grab a pen about not judging ourselves, the "friends", and those in our ministry. Isn't that exactly what he did with that statement?

    First let me say, Welcome to the board.

    Second, don't be afraid of expressing yourself and participating. There will be no lightening bolt coming from the sky to smite thee and who cares if that sock puppet that real estate holding and publishing company calls jehovah is sad. He's just a figment of their imagination planted deep within your consciousness to trigger fear, remorse, and guilt anytime you think any differently from what is the "truth de jeuer".

    Just be careful of the personal information you share. This is a public foum.

    I had this same reaction you had when I accompanied my wife to her regional. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, particularly when, in one segment, the speaker paraphrased a letter from the governing body wherein they questioned every males devotion to jehovah and potential as a marriage mate if they didn't have a position in the congregation right after they'd just talked about not using personal yardsticks to question anyone's spirituality.

    They are now attempting to plant the seed in the sisters mind that if the person you're interested in marrying doesn't have a position in the congregation, then why not?

    Sitting next to my well taken care of JW wife for 30 years who haven't had to work at all for the last 20, I was supremely insulted.

    I couldn't help but to think, Oh, so now they are going to pimp out the sisters to complete their objectives????

    Trying to get from under the clutches of this cult while being a born-in elders baptised as a child son.......

    Whew, I don't envy the task you have ahead of you particularly if you want to have some connection to your JW family. Not a whole lot of people get away unscathed under those circumstances.

    However, tread carefully, deliberately, and at your own pace. It can be done.

    Good Luck!!!!

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    You were DF'd? Married an UB? Interesting. So you took some time off for bad behavior like me. I didn't get DF'd, did the whole confession thing when I came back, what a mistake. I take it you already were a thinker. Congrats. stay clear of the Hall, better off without it. All the best.
  • OneEyedJoe


    I can definitely relate to the adrenaline rush of that first post and the paranoia that came with signing up on this site. That in itself really says something about this cult - the fact that almost everyone in your position relates a similar feeling of fear as a result of that first post really shows how controlling this cult is. When even anonymous speech is a frightening concept, something's wrong.

    As difficult as this process is for anyone, it sounds like you're in a pretty good position, all things considered. Definitely keep learning and researching, but remember that there's no rush. Just because you're leaving one belief system doesn't mean you need to jump into going to another church or whatever. It seems that a lot of those that leave still have trouble with the concept that there's time. Armageddon isn't coming, and you have time to figure things out at your own pace.

    I wish you nothing but the best on this journey.

  • clarity

    Your name made me giggle a bit ......Thinkerbelle ...just says it all! So glad for you & I wish you & family all the best. As a woman I am proud of your " brazen" attitude toward education......your children are so lucky!

    Looking forward to hearing more!


Share this