Caring for the Child Molesters

by Swan 58 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Swan

    Dear Ruby,

    I understand. No offense taken. It is a very emotional issue. I'm kind of sorry I started the whole thread as I was speaking of a few people I knew that I cared for, not all of the child molesters. Some that I know personally I will be glad to see go. I didn't mean this as a blanket acceptance of all molesters. I am just trying to reconcile my feelings for certain specific persons with the harm they have caused.

    It was also in part a reaction to the bad news of more molestation cases in the JWs. I never imagined years ago that this would be such a rampant problem among "God's chosen people" or that the WTBTS would actually work to protect molesters instead of immediate DF. How blind I was back then.

    So I wasn't trying to excuse the behavior of any child molester or to defend them. What all molesters have done is horrible.

    But they are human and the world is not a black and white place, as I have learned since leaving the Watchtower. Black and white answers do not seem to work for this problem. I don't know what the answer is, but hopefully we will find it soon. A lot of other kids are being hurt in the meantime.


  • RubyTuesday

    I must disagree with you! This was a great thread to start...very thought provoking.

    I read your web page and we have alot in common....we are both looking for lost family members..It really hurts ...does'nt it??

    Take care.

  • Trauma_Hound

    Swan, don't get me wrong, I think this was a good thread also, I just don't agree with you,
    or simon on how to deal with these freaks of nature.
  • BeautifulGarbage

    Though I think that child molestation is horrible and should be dealt with appropriately, I do not believe that it's punishment should be equated with murder. In some situations that could also prove to be the permanent demise of a child. In the head of a very sick individual the one way to be sure that a voice is silenced is by eliminating it.


    Edited by - BeautifulGarbage on 2 January 2003 13:2:9

  • Abaddon

    The problem with this debate is that very often, anyone departing from the current popular view is liable for a savaging, as those who object to them not agreeing can often fail to see that you can be on the same side of the arguement and have a different opinion.

    Very often, someone who has had something undeniably dreadful happen to them or those they love can, understandably, be moved to extremes by the natural depths of their feelings. These extremes are often not the best guiding lights if we want justice, although they're great for revenge. That is not a condemnation of revenge, by the way. I would want to revenge anything like that happening to my kids, but I don't kid myself that my revenge would be, in any way, justice.

    I suppose with 'popular view', I had best be explicit; I see the popular view at the moment as that people who sexually abuse children are in a special catagory of wickedness.

    Quite frankly, having escaped being 'groomed' by a pedophile when younger, and having helped an x-gf with the issues she had from sexual abuse by children quite near her age, and having a friend at Seattle U who know more about the subject than most of us would want to, I don't see it so black and white.

    Do the 14 year-olds who played 'doctors and nurses' with my x-gf when she was 11 (and quite happy to join in, not realising it was 'wrong') qualify for the death sentence? Hell, SHE didn't think so. What about Bill Wyman, ex of the Rolling Stones, or Roman Polanski, do we kill them? They've had sex with under-age girls. Do we distinguish between a promiscuous 15 year-old and a 10 year-old? Do we bomb countries, like Spain, Italy or Holland (or in the USA's case, States, as South Carolina still has an age of consent of 14, and nearly 40 States have modified their age of consent laws since 1999) which have an age of consent below what we concieve as right? Do we let Saudi Arabia off for allowing sex between married people, even if the girl is nine, because they are an important strategic partner? If a pre-teen boy and girl show each other their bits, who do we kill? Is someone who was abused themself less guilty than someone who wasn't abused? Is someone a wing-full of consultants agree on as being mentally ill as guilty as someone who specialiststs feel is 'normal'?

    I agree it is extremely important to stop re-offending. But to have a one-cure treats all mentality, however satisfying on some levels, results in even more injustice on other levels.

    Pedophiles have a horrible affliction; it is impossible for them to fulfill their abberant sexual desires in a manner which is acceptable morally, legally or socially. This is why they explode and ruin lives; it's impossible for them to do otherwise. And unlike other sexual oriontations, such as heterosexual and homosexual, which are capable of being loving and consensual, their sexual oriontation is harmful and reliant upon peer pressure or force.

    Their victims suffer more than them, obviously. But equally obviously, that doesn't mean that pedophiles are not victims of their own psychology or background.

    We have made a majo r step in the recognition of the sexual abuse of children in the past decade, compared to ten or fifteen years ago when we had far less awareness of the problem.

    The next step to take is to make it possible for those with the affliction to get treatment, and that's only going to be possible when we stop treating them like a modern-day equivalent of a vampire; stop the angry mobs, stop the ignorance, and make it possible through education for those with the problem to realise they can get help before they ruin their own lives and someone else's.

    At the moment society's reactions to them is so universally negative, and filled with unreasoned talk of good, evil, animals, and KILL THEM, that most pedophiles don't have the courage to seek treatment, as they learn from the earliest age to hide it because of how people react to it.

    Ironically this could be the cause of of people NOT getting help in time to stop the crime they carry within them.

  • BeautifulGarbage


    Excellent post!

    Good to "see" you around these parts again.


  • SixofNine

    Abbadon, good to see your thoughts here again.

    You said:

    The next step to take is to make it possible for those with the affliction to get treatment,

    What treatment is that?

  • pettygrudger
    Though I think that child molestation is horrible and should be dealt with appropriately, I do not believe that it's punishment should be equated with murder.

    It should if the crimes commited against someone were long term, and caused permanent demise to the child regardless.

    I was the victim of abuse from before I can remember (around 3 according to siblings) up until the age of 12. I will never know exactly everything stolen from me, as the largest part of my childhood revolved around this shit. And there are parts of me that have died - I will NEVER get back my youth. I will never to some extent get back my "trust of people". My ability to have a "normal" sex life - did I lose that? - don't know - all I know is that its STILL an issue even with all the "therapies" available. My perp took more from me than his death EVER could have taken from him - he no longer has to live with his "affliction", he's "no longer in pain". I still have to live with mine, heal from mine & deal with mine - all because of him. Was I sad to see him go? Hell no. This doesn't mean I'm sitting around like a victim. But I never will forgive him for one simple reason - he NEVER ASKED for forgiveness. He never acknowledged that he had a problem. And the fact that I never had the opportunity to "confront" him - so what?!!! It wouldn't have mattered - I don't believe it always does any "healing" for the victim to confront their perps - maybe in some cases, but in the end, the victim still has to find a way to become a survivor on their own.

    That's the biggest problem with these "nice" molestors that just need people to care about them - they don't SEEK HELP. They KNOW what they are doing is wrong, and for the moment, their "sickness" just gets the better of them. Fine - but after they've committed said sickness, and when back in their right mind they still don't seek help - knowing they're hurting another person? Come on!!!! They don't "repent" until they're caught & imho that's too late.

  • BeautifulGarbage

    It should if the crimes commited against someone were long term, and caused permanent demise to the childregardless.

    I want to respond to this, but I need you to clarify exactly what you mean by this statement. Emotional demise? Actual physical demise?

    Also, define "long term". Two years? Five years? Ten years? Where is the line drawn between the "term"?


  • pettygrudger

    I'm not sure what the "golden" rule should be as far as "terms" Andee - all I know is that some perps take so much away from their victims - and in certain cases the abuse is so grotesque (physical, emotional & mental) that all the therapy in the world won't make it "right" again - it can never be "right" again for many....there's just ways of coping and moving on beyond it.

    Also, what about victims that commit suicide rather than be hurt any longer? I attempted suicide at 12 and my mother caught me - had she not I would be dead. Should that death be attributed to my perp - absolutely. How many more that were like me, we'll never know. But the perps that continue their abuse without remorse (until they're caught amazingly enough - everybody repents) as far as I'm concerned, laws couldn't be tough enough.

    Victims of victims - fine - I guess that would set me up for a "good excuse" should I continue the cycle right?! To me that is utterly disgusting and irreprehensible. And by saying this, I can't say what mental trigger would make a victim become a perp - its beyond my comprehension, so therefore I guess I have to withhold judgement.

    But, a perp that's caught is not remorseful - I wouldn't believe that of any of them. And the laws can't go far enough with this type of criminal imho.

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