Are There Good People Out There?

by LaurenM 39 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Penelope1

    Your experience with an abusive, workaholic pot-head does not confirm or support what you've been told about "worldly people". But you think it does due to a tendency that most have to some degree: confirmation bias.
  • Penelope1

    My post on "confirmation bias" continued (I intended to post once, not twice but a technical issue foiled my attempt.๐Ÿ˜‹)....

    As an example, suppose that your Dad has never liked Italians and as a result, you've grown up believing that they don't bath much. You take a trip to Europe over spring break and meet the Italian stallion of your dreams at a pizzeria in Naples. you're tempted to jump his stump๐Ÿ˜‰ ...but wait, there's a problem. Sniff, sniff, sniff.....EEW HE STINKS! And I mean really smells, like butt. You tell him you have to use the bagno but escape out the back door instead, fully convinced that Italians are filthy pigs as dad says.

  • Sabin
    I think that people are people where ever you go. A lot comes down to luck. Right place right time. I`ve met amazing women J Dub`s & not who have ended up with the most awful men, & haven't had the strength to walk away & then there`s other`s who have found the strength to stay. I know it sounds like a contradiction but each persons trials & the way they deal with them, is as individual as the person themselves. In the J Dub`s we are taught that we are part of a big family which makes us vulnerable to those who are scrupulous on the inside because we willingly trust that their motives are good & taught those on the outside are the enemy under Satan`s control so we do not learn to trust our own judgement or listen to our inner voice, we are as babes which again makes us easy targets for the mean. Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt, I`m not saying you should prejudge them in a negative way I`m saying stay neutral, gain more info. Find out a bit of their history. If a guy cheated on his last girlfriend then it`s likely he will cheat on you. Be honest with yourself about your strengths & weaknesses . If something bad happens you aren't alone & you aren`t to blame. Know in your heart you are good. That is certainly what comes across in your words on the forum, every one else here sees it.
  • GodZoo
  • JWdaughter
    I have met and known so many that don't build their lives around drugs, alcohol or hooking up. They had well balanced families and healthy relationships. I have family that was JWs and has a lot of struggles with substance abuse and true mental illness but they are loving and close and support one another in ways that couldn't happen if they were still JWs. I don't think any good happened from being in, I think the good happened in spite of it and flourished after leaving it behind.
  • crazyhorse
    I think there are benefits to being raised in an "open-minded" JW home but there are sooo many very good people with very good intentions out there just as there are many good people in the org too. I know some dubs who were raised in 'loving ' homes but abused drugs and crack and alcohol and lived promiscuous lives. So your case doesn't prove anything. Bad people are everywhere.
  • TD

    One thing I think you will notice, Lauren as you interact with more people, is that JW ethics are very much a rules-based affair.

    For example, the JW parent organization frowns on gambling in any form including national and state lotteries. If that were to change tomorrow, how many JW's would no longer see the harm in picking up a Lotto ticket once in awhile?

    I would predict that it would be a sizable percentage, as I've lost count of the number of JW's who think it's perfectly okay to play as long as they don't personally purchase the ticket themselves.

    Or take the JW's convoluted reasoning on blood for example. There have been four separate and distinct rationales over the years for the acceptance of blood fractions and each time the scope of acceptable preparations and procedures has grown. Things that a JW would have sworn up and down were wrong one day are suddenly okay the next.

    That is how rules based systems of ethics work and the Milgram experiment / Obedience study proved that people will do bad things under that model just as readily as they will do good things.

    Obviously this is not a criticism unique to JW's, as it is a weakness of all human beings. I'm only making this observation to add a little depth to the concept of, "good" and "bad" in people.

  • done4good

    This is going to sound a little bit blunt, and may introduce a certain level of discomfort. I assure you nothing but good direction is being offered, if you keep an open mind. This will require a good deal of supplemental information and experience, but is intended as a primer for what you need to know immediately after learning TTATT.

    The JW version of "morality" is not morally superior to the world in general. Not at all. Period. It only appears that way for two reasons: 1. This is how it was always presented to you; and 2. Religions such as JW are very good at drawing comparison between their "morals" and the worst examples of moral failure in society. A well balanced, properly educated, conscientious person, (most of society to varying degrees), is not represented by the comparisons drawn by the WTS or any extreme religious group. As an extension of the second point, the WTS' policies prevent a person from becoming the very well educated, balanced and conscientious person they could become. This is a prime example of self-fulfilling prophesy, and precisely why many who are raised JW "go off the deep end", when they leave. The fact is they still "believe" they will fail, and as a result, they often do.

    As to your point about "using mind altering substances" as the only means enjoy one's self, see points 1and 2 above. A person whose life revolves around such is probably not well educated and balanced. On the other hand, some of these substances, (such as marijuana and alcohol), can be used in moderation, when appropriate. This should be obvious, however to one raised in a very black and white environment like the JWs, it might not be, so I am pointing it out. Be careful not to let a bad choice of BF or GF on your part color your understanding of humanity in general. Give yourself time to experience life, educate yourself, and then assess what fits and what does not. This is the only way to lose the black and white thinking, and it does take some time.


  • Oubliette

    Sure, there are lots of good people "out there."

    In my experience, there are a much higher percentage of "good people" that are not JWs than in the religion.

    Multiply that by 300, the ratio of non-JWs to JWs, and you come to realize that there are literally billions and billions of "good people out there"

    Now get out there and find a few!

  • getanewplanstan

    Growing up in the "world" over 50 years ago, I was disappointed that everyone, including some in my family and everyone on the job were seemingly trying to outdo one another at being mean, angry immoral scumbags or alcoholic, drug abusing losers. I realize now that many were veterans of the 1st & 2nd world wars, Korean and Vietnam war suffering PTSD. Others were acting out "unresolved conflicts from childhood", because children in those days had less protection from dysfunctional families or sex predators. And I lived in an educated, middle class community!

    For me, It really was easy to come into the religion when I first came to the Hall, because it was so refreshing when people did not manifest any of those attitudes.

    Now being out, I am still trying to find the "good people".

    Glad to see that you recognized that guy as a loser and are not going to try to spend a good portion of your life trying to "fix him". An old saying is "when a woman goes bad, the men go right after her!" The same is true of men, when they manifest bad boy attitudes, the women go right after them! Another saying is "When a man meets a woman, he wants her to stay the same, and a woman wants the man to change ". (you cannot change a person with passive-agressive anger. They are the some of most difficult people to deal with, they act with compulsion not thought)

    Your comment sounds like you may have a higher than average IQ or a better developed prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that is the grownup. We are often naturally drawn to people closer to our IQ, emotional or academic. Going to some college may bring you into contact with better people. Try to develop a screening process. Not acting promiscuous sexually, or giving it up easily will aid in screening. The popular culture is pure poison, don't imitate it. Build you own life and values and stick to them.

    If you are young, verbal and attractive be careful of the zombies, that is those who are less in contact with reality, because of whatever, that causes them to live half their life in a trance, taking advantage of others. Not acting promiscuous sexually, or giving it up easily will aid in screening. The popular culture is pure poison, don't imitate it. Build you own life and values and stick to them.

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