Welcome!
Hello all. Just introducing myself
by JamesThomas 28 Replies latest jw friends
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CC Ryder
Welcome James, and please stick around!
CC
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ashitaka
Howdy James! I'm a James as well. (but call me Jim, I'm only called James when I'm getting in trouble).
ash
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Big Tex
Howdy and welcome James! I used to be a James, but that was before I changed my name legally. I look forward to hearing more from you.
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blondie
Hi, James Thomas. HowDee!
Blondie
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Outaservice
Hi again James,
I hope you did not take my above 'post' seriously, it's just my humor! Thats why I signed it 'Love Outaservice'! I don't hate anyone and am very tolerant of all types of views.
Best to you,
Outaservice
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Sentinel
Hello JamesThomas, and welcome,
You will find lots of different folks here, all wearing different shoes at different times, and some not wearing shoes at all.
As with everything else in life, you have to look for the good here as well. Many folks here are still hurting and they have not learned how to deal with the issues in their life. These are the ones that lash out quickly and seem to "attack" posters. I try to find the real person wearing those shoes, and I won't argue with anyone. (They are sometimes called "flame wars" on here.) Simon, the owner of this site, endeavors to make it a good place to visit.
Like you, I've come way to far to attempt to fix everything that's wrong with everyone else. I can only fix/change myself. I have learned the rules of this type of forum, and I try not to take things too seriously. Some threads I choose not to read, and if someone is obnoxious and you wish not to read their posts, you can "take them out of your screen" by clicking on the "minus" indicator to the left of that persons name. Simon has lots of good stuff and he's working right now to make even greater improvements.
I really look forward to reading more of your mature and balanced posts and threads. We need you here, just as much as you need us.
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ESTEE
Welcome to the forum, James! Im kinda new here, too. Peered into this forum - - - very suspiciously - - - at first. That momentus day occurred after I was disfellowshipped for about two years. Didnt take me long to feel comfy with this great group of people, though!!
You wrote:
I was raised from about the age of five in the "truth".
Born and raised into the jdubs. I feel a bit disadvantaged now, as I strive to heal from all the pain and all the jw fear. . .
I'm almost fifty-two now. Many years have gone by, but I still feel the pain of losing people I love, will always love, who shun me. I still pay a price for the distorted view of God, the world, and the universe that was so deeply programmed in me.
I hear you say you have lost people you love because you were disfellowshipped. I too, am disfellowshipped - - - immorality and I lost my kids. My two kids move around a lot and I follow them on the internet. Found my son in Regina, Saskatchewan and my daughter is in Vancouver, BC. I also have two jw brothers who shun me. I have four more that dont shun me, though - - - I feel thankful for their love and care.
My first post a couple of pages into a string, was not totally welcomed.
I welcome you here, James. True, not everyone may express their appreciation at reading your story - - - know that most of us here have felt the emotions you are feeling and dealing with the issues you are dealing with. Everyone is in their own various stage of healing. Some deal with issues more vocally than others. Some people simply will not deal with their issues. Many are not able to because they are paralyzed by what I call jw fear - - - the fear that comes from hanging on to the old and familiar - - - feeling afraid to put our lips to the new water and taste the freedom . .. the fear of relearning and rebuilding.
being a JW in some instances may be healthy and emotionally satisfying for some people. Especially the elderly and lonely.
You are right on . . . about the jw philosophy being satisfying to some. These people have likely known no other way of living and are comfortable in being co-dependent and having other people make their decisions for them. I knew an elders wife who was so emotionally paralyzed and co-dependent that she could not even decide what to cook for supper without consulting her elder husband. Sad.
On the other hand, the jws stifle and suppress independent thinking. For people who wish to direct their own life, the jw rules become oppressive and constrictive. The only way to survive is to leave the organization.
I was in no way critized harshly for my post, in fact I was welcomed; but I would like to make mention of this: In the "Post by Ray Franz", here on this forum, Ray says "Watch Tower leaders view negatively any "independent thinking" and feel justified with criticizing harshly those who do not line up with them. I find it depressing that many former Witnesses who attack the Watch Tower organization, proceed to manifest a similar spirit and use similar tactics toward those who do not line up with their thinking".
If we become judges of someone elses life path, then yes, we would be manifesting a negative, jw-ish spirit. The behaviour of judging and comparing ourselves to others is a learned behaviour pattern that we change through the course of our healing. If we become judgmental, perhaps it is indicative of where we are in our healing, or how deeply we have been wounded.
. . . as ex-JW's we often carry that programming with us. I have found in myself many instances of this. The characters may have changed roles, but the play remains the same. Now, instead of "the world" being evil, it's the WBTS.
Acceptance of where others are in their healing is also a learned behaviour, a behaviour that we would not learn as a jw.
However, at no time in my life experience have I seen true healing happen while hatred and anger were being supported and fed. The longer you keep your hand in the fire, the more dangerous the wound becomes.
It seems to me, James, that dealing with the anger and feeling the contempt for the damage that was inflicted on us is a way of keeping ourselves at a safe distance from the going back that the jws would want us to do. Then, as time and knowledge heals that wound, we may set the anger aside and move forward with our lives. Many of us here have been born and raised into it and are re-learning, re-programming or even re-parenting ourselves into something healthy and functional. I acknowledge and honor my anger for the wrongs that the jws committed against me. And I feel sorry for them because they have been brainwashed and have not yet found their way out of the maze. And some are happy staying in the maze - - - that is their choice. I am thankful that I am on the outside now and am taking time to heal and grow.
These are my opinions. I think they have validity.
Anyone that wants to . . . feel free to contact me by email. We are a support forum. I feel we each have a story to tell and I personally want to help others wherever possible. You are my brothers and sisters now . . . . my family. Thank you.
Sis,
ESTEE