uh oh

by Esmeralda 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • ubdjudge

    Pre, Post and Mid Umbillicism - finding Adams navel

    A question that has plagued many of us in religious and intellectual circles for the last century and has been the subject of debate, and heated discussion across the globe is the presumption as to the exact time and nature in and by which Adam (being in this case the first man to exist) was blessed with a belly-button. ‘How curious,’ you might ask. Yet, this very curiosity has enthralled scholars and theologians so much for the last few decades that they have finally grouped
    themselves into three distinct positions.

    The first position, and it is worth exploring momentarily, however absurd, is the view of the "Pre-Umbilisists." This group believes that Adam’s navel was formed upon the point of his creation. Adam, coming from dust and created in the precise image of our Lord was granted the navel at the time of his "coming into existence." With this in mind, one must note that if Adam was indeed created in the image of God in Heaven, that our Lord must also be blessed with a navel. One might also argue that God at one time had to have had an umbilical cord. If this is indeed the case, our curiosity would lead us to question the
    location of attachment for the aforementioned "cord." Some Pre-Umbilisists believe the point of attachment to be located between two star clusters, the Quinn Cluster and Gamma Quadrant Four. This location is hundreds of light years from our planet and was chosen because its coordinates lay within the area scientists have theorized
    to be the center of the Big Bang, the point of the universe's creation. The Pre-Umbilisist would argue that the Lord’s umbilical cord was attached to perhaps a planet or a mass in the deep space of nothingness. We could picture, they say, the image of a child-like God, floating about in this space with his umbilical cord attached to some mass. The "point of severing" which is an important term for the Pre-Umbilisist, would have happened at the implosion of that planet or mass. The explosion would have been so great, that the umbilical
    cord would have been broken, to float for eternity alone in deep space, and at the same point, our Lord awakened to complete consciousness, fully God and fully complete, with navel.

    Adam’s navel would be complete and real, yet serve no known purpose were he to be blessed with it at the point in which he was "drawn from dust." He would "simply have it," the Pre-Umbilisist would argue, for
    without it, "he would not be in the complete image of God." This series of arguments leads us to the question of "Eve," Adam’s handmaid.

    It is here, we can bring up the second position, "Mid-Umbilisism." The Fall of Man, we define as the exact time when we, as human beings became aware of our sinful nature. The Fall, as we know, happened with
    the creation of Eve. The consequential events that followed led to Adams downfall and the human race as a whole, forever being "separated" from God. The Mid-Umbilisist argues that Adam’s belly-button was formed sometime between the creation of "Eve," and the time in which it took that "Woman" to take the first bite of that most tempestuous apple. The central vision of the Mid-Umbilisist lays within the "taking of the rib." When God saw that Adam was alone, he decided to create a help-mate. He did this by taking Adams rib and moving it in such a way to loose it from his stomach.
    The Mid-Umbilisist paints a picture of the protruding rib being pulled from the blank stomach of our dear Adam. Its being forced out in the very area where God intended to attach future children within the wombs of their mothers. The outward thrust created a puncture hole, and thus became, for Adam, the first belly-button. Eve, to the Mid-Umbilisist was and in a sense always shall be "without navel." Even before the fall, they argue that this was God’s intention in creating the "Woman." "Wo-" meaning underneath, below, less
    than, and in ancient Greek; inferior to.. the "Man." You see, to the Mid-Umbilisist, women are forever caught in the wake of "Eve." Eve, being without a navel, was of course, less than human, or as some might put it, "not human." So in a sense, are all women, not human.
    They are not as their legacy unfolds, to be blessed with heaven, they are void and without a soul. The Mid-Umbilisist would have us believe that woman, at the end of time and at the point of their death, when
    they are no longer of any use to man, will be whisked away by the hand of God, as if they never existed, as if they never even happened. The Mid-Umbilisist refers to this time as "the Great Dusting Away." In which those who were not created in the image of God, the women in this case, will simply be erased, as if nothing every happened. They were here to serve man, and incapable of service to God, so they can serve no purpose in the afterlife. Since they are soulless creatures, they can no sooner gain heaven than a dog or a cow.

    This all leads us to the last position, that of the "Post-Umbilisist." This group of learned theologians and scholars believe that Adam’s navel was formed after the Fall. The very instant when Adam and Eve
    discovered they were naked in the Garden of Eden, they were granted belly-buttons. You see, at this point there were no natural births, they were the only two people on the planet. They were not formed naturally, but supernaturally, by God. It would make sense, perhaps
    that the "placing of the navel" would be the last supernatural event. The children of Adam and Eve were the first to have natural belly-buttons. When these children slept with each other and birthed more children from incestuous relations, they in turn were given the
    placenta, the attachment. The navel was then to be symbolic of pain suffered in child-birth as well as the sinful necessity of incest to populate the planet. The question remains however, Why would Adam and Eve need belly-buttons. Perhaps for the very reason that they were created in the image of God. If this is the case, then the argument presented by the Pre-Umbilisist would need to be re-examined. Questions remain, like, where is the placenta of God, is it floating about in space, did it ever exist, why would God need a navel?
    This argument was explored recently in the arena of science fiction. Someone had theorized that there was this great cord like nexus "God’s placenta" zooming through space. Anyone who would pass through it
    could enter a state of euphoria, like being in the presence of God. Another matter that remains unresolved is the subject of "innies" and or "outies."What do they mean? Is the inward formed navel a symbol of man’s attempt to reach the "spiritual" by looking "within?" The outward formed navel could mean the opposite, searching for spiritual meaning in the exterior world, a pantheistic view. In either case the
    "innie" would be the more desirable. Not only is it generally a more comfortable navel to have, as most of us that posses them know, but in a sense, doesn't having one make us less damned for not being born
    having the sign of seeking those material things that exist apart from the soul. In any case, most intellectuals agree that the question of "innies" and "outies" will not be resolved until more significant
    issues are addressed.

    The arguments of Pre, Mid, and Post-Umbilisists are rich in theory and for the most part, lack any original fact. Until the last century the exact location of the Garden of Eden was unknown. Now that archeologists and sociologists have reached a consensus on
    deliberating the origins of human life, perhaps we are closer to the day when carbon dating, and geological testing can give us some tangible evidence. We can only hope and wait for that great day when the announcement is made, "We have the lint ball! We have the lint ball!"

  • larc


    You lived in Flint? I lived there for the past 15 years on Cadillac Street, five blocks from Kettering U., formerly GMI.

  • trevor

    OK Ubdjudge,

    I shall never view my navel in the same way again.

    Could you put my mind at rest - Why do men have nipples?

  • Tina

    Dont now what else to say,seems like evryone covered by thoughts in one way or another,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,luv ya lil sis,Tina

  • Esmeralda

    Thanks Rochelle, Tina, and everybody else (sorry to lump together my in laws are going to be
    here any minute)

    I am glad to hear that you're getting to move and make a fresh start of things. I wish you
    all the happiness in the world as you get the hell outta Dodge (er, Flint ;)

    Justin has a really good attitude about things...much more positive than with the first
    lay off. That's the biggest relief. I know that he'll get out there Monday and he's got
    a lot of leads to follow from people he used to work with. Hopefully it won't be long.

    I'll let you all know how things go. Again, thanks for all the love and hugs. They really help :)

    Love ya'll


    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • Esmeralda

    p.s. Adam's...navel...did I ....miss...something?

    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • Sunchild
    You lived in Flint?

    Well, I'm close to Flint, anyway. Right now, I'm in Richfield Township -- a suburb of Genesee, which is a suburb of Mount Morris, which is a suburb of Flint. I just say "Flint" so that people who have never heard of Genesee, Mount Morris or Richfield Township will have some idea of where I am.

    Anyway, it's cool to meet someone from the general area.


    "Most men complacently accept 'knowledge' as 'truth'. They are sheep, ruled by fear."
    -- Sydney Losstarot, "Vagrant Story."

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