I know there are soo many new people on this board in the past year or so, and I haven't been posting a whole lot lately I've been busy with school and what not, but I did want to kind of give a bit of an update and hopefully some encouragement for those that are in the process of leaving the borg, and have left friends and family behind. In the Summer of 2000 my entire world shattered around me. For more details you can click here. (http://www.geocities.com/veniceexjw/ click on 'my story). I lost EVERYONE I'd ever known or cared about with the exception of my parents. I cried for about weeks straight and after that over the next months I would just break down in the middle whatever I was doing, shopping, driving, whatever it was embarrassing. I went into deep depression although at the time I did't know this, not sure it that would have helped or not. We then moved across the country where we knew NO ONE!!!! I was very sick and spent much of my time in bed or on the couch, and I was so devastated and depressed. So I decided to try and forget about the past, put it behind me, deny those feelings, the loss all of it. Act like they didn't exist. I did this especially with my sister, I wouldn't look at pictures or talk about her hardly I just wanted to forget at this point I was not ready to deal with it. Well this past week or so things have changed for me, I suddenly reliased that I could think about my sister. I've been able to talk about her, and the things we'd done. (we'd worked together for years as well) I decided this past week to let her back into my life again. I do have a sister, one that I love and care about and I know she feels the same way. I no longer need to deny that. The biggest test of this was the fact that I spent much of this weekend watching family videos!!!!! For so long I didn't even like to touch that shelf where they were at, and suddenly I knew it was time. We watched all kinds of things, trips and family parties from when I was 13 through our last trip with them. I even was able to watch video of my niece Ashley and you know what?? I didn't cry at all. Not even a tear (and I cry at Hallmark Commercials), I was able to remember and laugh and act like they're still a part of my life, they just don't live here. I was just amazed at how much I'd healed, and my parents as well. It was so warm and comforting to see all the family and the fun we used to have, esp with this being the holidays and all. It took 2 1/2 years for me. For some people it will be longer for others shorter, but time does heal wounds. So do friends and life in general. I have truly grown so much from this experience and I just wanted to let others who were in a similar position to know that yes it does get better. The thing I had to realize was I could not change the circumstances, but I could Change how I reacted and adapted to them. Did anything change with my sister? NO, but huge changes happened to me, and now I'm happy. We can't change others but we can change our perception, and it takes time. Now I look back and I had to feel that pain, that desperation it brought me to where I am now. Life is a journey full of good and bad, I'd spent my whole life trying to deny or repress the 'bad' but now I think it's important, explore the pain, explore your 'dark' side FEEL it!!!! if you just repress the pain it will always be there to haunt you, but if you allow yourself to feel it, you can process it. If your Happy BE HAPPY, if your Sad be SAD feel it, live it, admit it, deal with it, and release it. LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!! To the fullest everyday. Do wild crazy things to make you feel alive. I just got done reading a WONDERFUL book called 'Succulent Wild Women' by SARK. She has a ton of great books about how to live your life to the fullest, and how to 'live juicy' as she likes to call it. She comes from an abused past and just has a wonderful way of looking at the world. I know it really helped me, and recomend it to everyone (even Men ). here is her website http://www.campsark.com Ven
Edited by - VeniceIT on 23 December 2002 11:45:29