What Was THE Straw That Broke Your "Camel'...
I guess I would have to say that after many years of mistreatment. And I do mean mistreatment. Slander big time against my name, never taken care of. That was o.k. it was just me. An abusive husband, who held positions of M.S., elder, and pioneering right up to the end. It was when they kicked me out.
I lived behind the KH, at their insistence and encouragment, and a great deal of coaxing. As there had been vandalism comitted and they needed the protection of a warm living body to discourage any more. Lived through hell those almost eight years because there was constant pressure to keep everything looking up to their standards. The ex was a lazy bum and I had to do it all plus work full time and put in unbelievable amounts of F.S time. Plus being screamed at and abused 24-7. The pressure was horrific. He left me in September of 1997. Let me repeat that. He left me!!!! In October of 1997, they gave me my walking papers. After almost eight years of not paying rent I had to find an apartment on my own. Take care of all the loose ends that the ex left me with. Plus deal with a deep depression and no help from the one's who claimed to be "acting as my head" in the absence of the ex. Those were their exact words when they saw fit to call me into the back room and counsel me on the amount of cleavage showing on my person. They were "acting as my head". But that doesn't mean they helped me to get rid of a twenty year old mobile home that I had bought at their coaxing. No that required a dead line. June of 1998 or "we will get rid of it".
Then when no one called or bothered to check on me when it was obvious I was missing quite a few meetings. That pretty much clinched it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. It would take a book to record it all.
The final indignity was when I finally did sell the trailer, two elders came over (first one's in a year or maybe a little less) They came to inform me that if any damage was done to their precious newly paved parking lot when the home was moved I would be responsible.
For once in my life, I stuck up for myself. I told them that if they tried to lay that on me, I would make their name mud. I would make it so public what they had done to me that they would wish they were never born. I also told them it was too late anyway, the whole neighborhood was talking about those terrible JW men who had kicked out a poor woman whose husband had walked out on her. So their name was already mud. Needless to say, my threat of going public scared them. I never heard another word out of them on that subject. I moved in November of 1998. Not before one of the lovely elders told me I had no friends "because I thought I was smarter, better, and prettier than anyone else", this being said when I called to inform them that I was moving and already crying hysterically.
Yep, I guess you could say, that is when I started moving on.
TW, all I can say is, assholes!
And you are better, smarter, and prettier than any of them. I think its weird, but at some point, it is a good thing to admit that we are better than some others. The weird part being how naturally resistant most of us are to doing that.
It seems that in every Kingdom Hall there existed multiple standards of justice depending on who you were:
Elder ------> Can never be wrong
Pioner -----> Can only be wrong if female or capable of speaking well enough to make Elders look bad.
Publisher --> Rarely correct
Women ------> Never correct
And as long as they had this little guide to address every problem
it absolved them from the responsibility of thinking about justice or right and wrong. I think the above standard really exist in elders minds wether conscious or not, and is alot of the reason that so many stories of injustice and abuse come out of the kingdom halls.
(By the way I got your email and am trying to find that article I have not forgotten)
Its strange people from my old congragation shun me and it is meaningless to me, really they are people that I dont want to talk to anyway.
Hmm, I don't know if I have a straw. Of course, in my case I "drifted" away and found out more later. But what made me decide to stop going to meetings was .. oh yes, I was relating the work what's his name did in terms of learned pessimism with dogs - you probably know what I'm talking about Larc, he wrote a book called Learned Optimism, did experiments where the dogs were shocked when trying to escape or something and when the barrier was gone they didn't even try.. Silly me, I emailed that to an elder's wife, the one I studied with. Needless to say, he had atleast a small cow and asked me not to email such things anymore because it is demeaning, whereas I was making the point about the power of the mind and the influence on our health. I guess I just thought that's pretty narrow minded, I can't deal with individuals like this anymore..
I was "in" I suppose from as early as I can remember until I was in my early twenties. And that was with one foot in and one foot out. I was in college during the sixties for chrissake!! You think I was going to miss all that free love. Not on your life m'boy. Actually, a picture of it would be me with my big toe touching the water in the pool and the rest of me out. I maintained just to keep OK with my family. Then it got to be just too damn much and not worth it after the beard thing.
On my way out, I managed to get one of the meanest elders removed as an elder. And that was worth a whole lot of trouble later.
Holy cow, there certainly does not seem to be too many straws among the members or ex members of JWs that are contributors to this site. I would have thought that this thread would have been inundated with stories of disfellowships from all walks. I have never been a JW, nor was anyone in my family, however, after trying to teach my children that they should be honest and do unto others............lo and behold one of my daughters decided that what I was trying to teach her was not right and joined the WTS. That to me was not a straw, it was an atom bomb. It amazes me that the non-JWs of this country would reject Islam practices and accept the Jehovah Witness way of life. A lot of the every day beliefs are similar to Islam. One main one is shunning.
A lot of the every day beliefs are similar to Islam.
That is why.
On the Panorama program/documentary shown on the BBC in England when that arrogant little s$$@t Jaracz gets off the platform and the interviwer asks him a reasonable question about the child abuse issue - and he(Jaracz) comes up with a lame answer about data protection - you can just tell he is hiding something - that was really the straw that broke the camels back for me - an elder who knows something about phsycology even commented on that one
The '1914 generation' doctrine change, back in 1995, did me in big time!
Never been the same since, and don't think it'll ever quite the same ever again.
Mine was all the stupid counsel about staying single and childless in this system of things. I wanted to have a family and knew in my heart it was a very normal desire and that I should not have to feel guilty about it.