Brothers.
I recently became a Jehovah's Witness. And the decision to convert occured right in the gym!
One Saturday afternoon, as Nobby and I were doing some HIT grip strength exercises, and screaming with effort, an absolute angel of a woman walked by. I stopped what I was doing, and cried "Bestill my heart! BY GOD what a finely cleft, lovely arse that goes before me!" as I gazed, entranced, at the shapeliest arse I had ever seen. The woman in question gasped, then informed me she was a Jehovah's Witness, and could only date a man who was a Jehovah's Witness. So Nobby and I then and there pledged our allegiance, and the following day showed up at Kingdom Hall. "If this is what it takes to get my hands kneading those buttocks of hers, so be it!" I declared. Marvin, our good Down's Syndrome friend and fellow Iron Brother, was invited along with us, and taken aside for some thorough brainwashing.
I introduced Marvin to the Jehovah's witnesses "This here is Marvin. He may not be one of the great minds of this century- or any of the last 300 that came before it- but he is to be treated with DIGNITY!" I declared.
After sleeping through several hours of bible class, we were sent on our way with a boxful of copies of 'The Watchtower' to distribute around the gym.
We walked into the gym, and immediately began proselytizing. "Here you are, friend" I said, and handed a punk kid a copy of the Watchtower. "I ain't into this, mate" he snapped, and Nobby's chain was around his throat and choking him purple, as I screamed in his face "YOU DELETED BETTER WELL READ THIS, BOY!" then smacked his face so hard a tooth went flying out his mouth. Nobby's approach to spreading Jehovah's message was a tad more blunt. He lumbered up to folk as they were in the midst of a set, and snarling "Oi. Its the Watchtour. Fookin read it, sunshine", shoved a copy into their face.
Then, empowered by GOD, we hit the squat rack. Screaming "PRAISE JEHOVAH!!! ARRRGGH!! DELETED!!" I squatted down with 800 pounds loaded on the bar, and repped it out 5 times before tossing it onto the rack. The exertion was so great I had to vomit, and ran over to the window and, screaming "BLAAARRGGGH!!" spewed out a few gallons of stomach contents down onto the street below and right onto the heads of a group of muslim fellows on their way to a mosque.
They began screaming, shaking their fists at me "You farging icehole, we keel you!" they screamed. "Marvin, take care of those infidels...they are indeed DEMONS released from the abyss!" I commanded, and Nobby ceremoniously handed Marvin his coveted bike chain. Screaming "DEMONS!! DEEEMOONS!" Marvin ran screaming out of the gym, and a few seconds later rounded the corner and charged into the muslim fiends, lashing them with the bike chain. He chased them across the street, but alas- a double decker bus came screeching along, and didn't brake in time and Marvin was run over! His crumpled body lay quivering beneath the wheels of the bus. Nobby yelled out the window "ALLROIGHT MAHVIN!". No doubt, the stouthearted, coke-bottle glasses wearing Marvin will be back on his feet and in the gym, I assured myself.
To celebrate our victory, we drank whiskey till the wee hours of the morning, and then decided to drive to Kingdom Hall to spread the good news of how Marvin battled the forces of Satan. Unfortunately, Nobby was a bit intoxicated and drove the Rolls Royce through the front doors of Kingdom Hall. We staggered out, and passed out on the floor. When we awoke, we were in a cell at the police station. Luckily, a phone call from my influential father to the chief of police got us out- and we were told that there was a court order banning us from Kingdom Hall.
Bastards!!
Edited by - Englishman on 15 December 2002 6:34:11