Final update on she left?

by Yerusalyim 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mum

  "The truth shall make you free," but nobody said it wouldn't be painful. At a time like this, you probably do very well just to get through the day without breaking down. It is better that you know, painful as it is.

  It's good that you're talking to your priest. I hope he is able to offer you some solace.

  Why do women/people have affairs? I understand that there are many different "reasons." Younger people usually do it to make the other partner jealous; as people get older, there are other reasons. Regardless of the reason, it hurts just as much to find out.

  The others are right. You need to cut and run. At this point, she is not likely to change her behavior patterns. So sorry.

  Scooter, there is a difference between a single unfortunate indiscretion than a longstanding history of repeated wrongdoing. I admire your courage and honesty in saying what you did. If Yeru's wife changed her ways, it would be great; but she doesn't seem likely to do so.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Note on the daughter issue. Turns out there was no knife involved at all, and the "Gerber Tool" was the el cheapo that I received as a gift. There was no blade on it. Final word on her; she told me the truth, she's not in trouble...YEA! Thanks for all the input on the situation with the wife. Somehow I think I'm afraid of being alone, I gotta get over that, but darn, training another woman is so much work.
• 

  LB

  I'm glad to hear about your daughter. That's a relief.

  Sometimes it's fun letting a woman train you
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Either fortunately or unfortunately (depending on perspective) I've not met a woman that taught me anything in THAT regard in quites some time. My sordid past that includes more women than I have fingers and toes has given me a wealth of experience and no health problems, thank God.
• 

  Scully

  Yeru:

  training another woman is so much work.

  I hope you meant that as a joke (even though it isn't funny), because if you didn't my respect for you would diminish completely. Love and marriage isn't about training someone else to be what YOU want them to be. They are about accepting another person unconditionally. If you want someone who's going to pull their weight in a relationship with you, then look for someone who's already doing a good job of it without having you around to "train them". You're going to get a lot of female ex-JWs on your case about how "wifely subjection" is a load of crap with an attitude like that.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Scully,

  Of course it was meant as a joke. The getting used to one another process is what I was refering to. Each person has to compromise a bit on who they are and what they do in a relationship. Getting used to one anothers habits and foibles is also a part of this and I don't look forward to going through the whole procedure of that first embarrassing moment of passing wind in front of the new mate, can she deal with my snoring, does she remember to empty the trash in the bathroom daily when she has her cycle, what are her sensitive emotional areas, etc, etc, etc.

  As far as wifely subjegation, that's not even biblical. Eve's role was as a help mate, not a servant. An interesting discussion of the Genisis story invovles the fact that the Hebrew does read that Eve was build up from Adam's Rib, but rather that she already existed completely in Adam, thus the marriage and sexual union is a rejoining of what humanity originally was. That we are complete only when joined together as man and wife. Therefore Eve was indeed Adam's help mate, but Adam was also Eve's help mate. They were equal.
• 

  outoftheorg

  Hello Yeru;

  I have followed your posts and find your experience all too familiar. I tried to patch up the marriage and it worked for a while but she finally abandoned me and our children.

  Got remarried and after 20 yrs with a jw all the incest and abuse from her family as a child welled up in her and she mentally imploded. I became in her eyes another of the evil men in her life.

  I learned the hard way, two very good lessons. When one sees something approaching that is not tolerable, do not put it off for future action. Handle it now and get it done. If one waits it will only be worse when it is forced on you.

  It is not a dishonorable act to look out for ones self interest. Looking at the whole situation and deciding on the course of action that will bring oneself a measure of happiness and contentment is not a bad thing. If children are involved they must be factored in of course. But there is no reason for one to accept a terrible life in order to help someone that in all probability will not change or recover.

  Yeru I hope this all passes by soon and lets you have some relief.

  As others have said, time does have a healing affect on these issues.

  Outoftheorg