JW Bro-in law dies

by borgfree 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  els

  BF, He obviously loved you very much. I would go to honor that love. No one should be allowed to deny you the opportunity to pay your respects. I would go and evpress my condolences to eveyone there. If they choose to snub you then they will look like the unchristian ones.
  I am sorry for your loss. Take care. els
• 

  mouthy

  Borgfree----My sympathy also....What would I do? What ever I felt like.........It will take guts to go..

  & it will stir up sick feelings within you ( it would me) .

  I would definatly try to get to sign the "friends" book. Even if you go when every one is not there.

  What ever you decide May the LORD be with you. I love you! & know YOU will do the right thing

  Because I KNOW you person....((((hug)))
• 

  Golden Girl

  I agree with Mouthy. I would call the Funeral home and see how late they are open. Then go right before they close..and sign the guest book. Unless you feel like some there are still a part of your life? Then maybe go early?

  I would do what I felt cmfortable with. I have to face that when my JW hubby goes..He has terminal cancer and I am not about to go into a kingdom hall. e wants to be cremated and I am sure either his Mom or his congregation will have some sort of memorial.I will not be there!..I love him dearly and will have no sevices ...We have a small family and the only others that would come is witnesses...no thanks!

  I want nothing more to do with ANY witnesses. They made their choice..I made mine!...

  They caused too much misery in our life!

  Snoozy....
• 

  LovesDubs

  Borg...you know what my friend? Whatever bonds held your brother in law in life...are now gone. I believe there is a soul, I believe our loved ones see us, and he's free now and seeing what a huge mistake he made shunning you, or being a JW for that matter. Go and let him know you forgave and have already forgotten, and understood why he had to do what he did. :) And dont for a NANNOSECOND give a *(#&@%*( what anybody else in that room is thinking or doing!
• 

  borgfree

  Hi all.

  I was going to take a personal day off work today as Allen and I decided we would go to the viewing at 7:00PM, the viewing is 7:00 9:00 PM, but, I must have payroll done and into our district office today. So, I needed to go to work for a few hours. I want to take a few minutes to thank you all. It has been a difficult morning and your comments were so helpful and appreciated.

  Thanks

  Robdar thank you for such kind words.

  Simon I agree with what you said.

  TR thank you.

  LB yes, I agree, it is never a pleasant experience, I hope we may do some good just by being there.

  Nathan thanks, my thoughts are more for the living.

  Pettygrudger you are right. I hope our being there has the effect you mention. I think our obligation is to show the love of the One we follow. Our feelings need to take a back seat to that.

  Nancy thank you so much for your kind thoughts. We do not intend to stand for a lot of abuse. We hope to be a surprise to them, that we, who leave the Borg, can show more love than their JW friends.

  Brummie thank you for your thoughts. I admire your courage and how you handled your situation.

  ELS thank you. We will try to express our condolences, I am not sure some will be receptive, but we can try.

  Grace thanks very much. You are right about the feelings; there will probably be many JWs there. I do not look forward to it, but we have decided it is the right thing to do. Everyone here has helped in that decision. We will make a special effort to sign the book.

  Golden Girl thank you. I do not think they are still a part of my life, but I have hope that something we may do or say may start them to thinking. I am sorry for your situation. I know how you feel, I do not want to hear any more of the garbage from the JW speakers, I heard all of that I ever want to hear already.

  LovesDubs thanks I also believe we have a soul. I do not know where he is now, but I agree with you, he now knows he was in a destructive cult. I will do my best to follow your advice.

  Much love to you all.

  Borgfree
• 

  borgfree

  I want to give an update on what happened last night.

  Somehow I got the information wrong. The viewing was from 5:00PM to 9:00PM.

  When Allen and I arrived at the funeral home, at 7:00, Allen suggested we have a prayer before going in. Good idea.

  We walked past one of my daughters and her husband, standing outside talking to some other people (probably family) we of course, were invisible. As we got to the door about 20 30 people were coming out the door, so we politely stood to one side. As they filed out we looked each one in the eye, we were still invisible.

  Inside there were (est.) 100 people, maybe more. We held our heads up, as Nancy suggested. Two or three looked at us as we passed, and I spoke to the ones who actually saw us. A couple of them very quietly spoke back.

  In the large room, two family members, who are not JWs, met us; they stayed beside us the entire time we were there. I thanked them for their great support; they, for being with us, were not treat very well.

  From that point on, I wish you all could have seen the whole crowd. Whenever I looked around the room, I would see two or three people talking together looking at us, (staring actually) then when they saw me look in their direction they immediately turned away. There were people seated all around the room, at the walls. Some had stern looks on their faces, you got the feeling they were the enforcers/squealers.

  Allen and I agreed that our prayer was really being answered as we both had a great time. We were calm, no feeling of intimidation, we just looked at those poor people, how controlled their lives are, we said, these are adults, what strange behavior for adult, thinking people realizing that we had been that way ourselves when we believed that nonsense

  My sister came to where we were standing and gave us a hug. A few other family members also came to us, one by one, and hugged us. Three of my daughters did not. We were not there, to them.

  Several, who came to us to give us a hug, surprised me; they were ones I thought would ignore us. We stayed about an hour, then as we were leaving, two or three more rushed out to give us a hug, before we went out the door.

  There is so much I would like to say about that experience but I do not know how to put the feelings and atmosphere into words. I will just say I am so glad we went. You all were right; it was the right thing to do.

  And, Grace, we did sign the book, Ha! We had a small audience while we signed it.

  Thanks again for all of your encouragement.

  Borgfree
• 

  mouthy

  I am so proud of you two guys.Borg,Sunstarr.Thanks ffor filling us in. I was so happy to hear some of them let their hearts move them,by the hug. I know it took courage-but it paid of,Not only did you show your respects-you planted seeds - Showed that us apostates have feelings,

  Andrew is going through the same thing today-His Mother died Monday night-He has not been allowed to see her for 5 years. He is wondering "what to do" ...I suggested to do what your both did.

  Love you both so much((((((HUGS))))

  Glad you signed the book. They cannot avoid that you signed the FRIENDS book.XX
• 

  LB

  Tis good you held your heads up high. But remember not all JW's agree with how you are being treated. I never did when I was a JW. But you made a fine statement by your going and not causing a scene. Good work.
• 

  garybuss

  
  
  Hi borgfree,
  
  I do what I am comfortable doing and I don't do what I am not comfortable doing. I have long thought respects are paid to the living. I support the living survivors and I have long since gotten over guilt feelings of loyalty to anyone, relative or not, who hurt me or hurt anyone that is important to me. If they cross me, they can kiss my furry butt.
  
  My wife's mother died. She was always nice to me and she became mentally disabled before I made my views of her religious book publishing corporation known. I had no bad memories of her to deal with. My role was to support my wife as her friend. I went with her when she visited her Witness father's home the day her mother died, attended the memorial service held in the Kingdom Hall with her later, and went with her to the lunch after. No big deal.
  
  I could give a rat's ass if they shun me. I hope they do. Most did not snub me at the service or at the lunch. One of my sons did snub me, one did not. That was my payment for not being a better father and seeing to it they were not exposed to the Witness virus as children.
  
  All who have to deal with divided families and weddings, graduations, and funerals will always face a double bind or sorts. I can't think there is a best way to deal with these circumstances. Every person is different and every situation is different. I just can not see why any one of us would walk into a totally hostile situation. I will not do that. I had a whole circuit assembly shun me except two people in 1992 and that was a wonderful lesson for me to remember.
  
  Sorry for your loss. Best wishes and continued support.
  
  gb
  
  
  
  

  The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
  
• 

  borgfree

  Grace,

  Thank you for the very kind words, you are always so encouraging. Thats why so many people on both sides of the world love you.

  LB,

  Thank you. It was interesting to see the different reactions from the JWs there. One Nephew, by marriage, came over where we were standing and shook my hand, then stood there for about ten minutes talking to me. Another one talked and laughed with us for about a half hour, (laughing is not unusual with my family at funerals) then he said I better not push this too far and we said our good-byes. On the other hand some went out of their way to pretend we did not exist, including three of my daughters. Really strange.

  Garybuss,

  As you probably noticed in my earlier posts, I had mixed feelings about going. I have been hurt very badly in the past when around JWs, especially my family. Once, at a reunion, with a half-brother I had never met, I was asked to leave, so that my JW family would come into the building. They refused to be in the same building with me. I never saw the brother again, he returned to California and a few months later died.

  I have decided not to let them hurt me like that again, but, I also want my family to see through the deception of the WTS, so, I try to do what I can to, as Grace said, plant seeds. The viewing for my brother-in-law turned out very well, I think. I did not go to the funeral this morning; I thought I should quit, while I was ahead. I do think, by some of the reactions, we may have planted some seeds.

  Borgfree