When I was a jw, I think what I was most afraid of was being hurt. I did everything to keep myself from getting hurt. I banged on doors with the best of the Pioneers. I went to all the meetings, so everybody would like me. I was a doormat. I even taught my son to raise his hand and give answers to questions. My husband, who was a factor in getting me to join the WT, told me it was my fault that he didn't go to meetings. He told other sisters a different story. He told them that he refused to go to meetings until he could stop looking at women and imagining them in the altogether. The first time I heard him say this, I did not know what to think. Then when he said he wanted to get baptized, I simply figured that he had licked his problem. But a year later, he said it again to another sister. I guess this was his problem; he only wanted to tell this to sisters. I know a lot of sisters were scared of him, but so was I. I was scared that he would hurt me, and I was scared that other sisters would hurt me, too, so I was a doormat. It takes a long time, when you've been a doormat all your life, to stop yourself from being one.
Thanks to Jesus, I am no longer a doormat.
Praise God!!