Will They Abduct My Son!

by 68storm 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • 68storm
    68storm

    I would appreciate some input from the board that is weighing quite heavy on mind.

    As some of you may know, my ex divorced me six years ago, strictly for religious reasons. After an enormous amount of legal funds, I succeeded in getting an agreement signed that states that when the child reaches an age that the courts consider mature enough, we would both allow him to make his choice of religions. Even if he wanted nothing to do with religion.

    It would seem that the time has finally arrived. He is 12 years old now and here in Ontario, there have been cases where this was allowed. The stipulation is that the minor would have to be seen by a court appointed psychologist and he would try to determine the minors real desire. They want to be sure that either parent is not exerting undue pressure on the child to conform to either of their desires.

    This sounds fair and equitable in NORMAL situations but we know that when it involves the CULT known as Jehovahs Witnesses, this is almost impossible.

    My son will be turning 12 on December 6 th of this year. I have made it known to his mother that I WILL take this step soon after this date. Obviously she is quite traumatized by this development. She is pulling all stops in order to stop this. She kept on asking my son if I had already gotten a lawyer for December 6 th . She told him that he should not have to go to court. That I am very unfair to subject him to this. She told him to tell me that her and I should duke out again without involving him.

    The only problem is that she does not seem to understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with us. This is strictly his choice. We have a signed agreement that stipulates that it is his CHOICE and only his. In a complete panic, she went to see her jw lawyer and she has served me with a motion on December 6 th . Somehow she thinks that this will stall my plans for the psychologist. It will not. I have made an appointment for November 20 th .

    Just in case anybody is wondering what the motion is all about I will tell you. When child support was awarded, I got the short end of the stick. I was ordered to pay her 1100.00/month. According to some tables that I looked at, it should have been approx. 150.00/month. I strongly objected to this through my lawyer but he said that I could go for a variance soon after. What a friggen idiot he turned out to be. I paid her that amount for almost two years. (Not wanting the stress of going back to court) This became impossible to continue therefore, through a mutual verbal (large mistake) agreement, she excepted 500.00/month.

    Of course, like all honest little jws, she is suing me for all of the shortfall, which amounts to 25,000.00.

    That is not my main concern. She has been putting a lot of pressure on our son. After each meeting or bookstudy, he is being swarmed by all the robots about giving up Jehovah. Some are even screaming at him to straighten out. She has had the PO and another elder over twice in order to convince him to continue. Monday night, in a desperate move, he called me from his room to plead that I go and pick him up. This totally broke my heart. I felt totally helpless. It would be very detrimental if I had gone. He is only 12 and did not quite understand.

    Just an example of wonderful jw style love. I would much prefer a roomful of Satans or Ossamas to deal with.

    This brings me to my main concern. I have heard some stories of congregations helping in abducting children in these situations and hiding them from us evil ones. What do you think the chances of this happening are? Prior to her breaking into my home and stealing contents, I would have said nil. Now I am NOT so sure. These people do not think period.

    I am loosing some sleep over this. Am I panicking needlessly?

    Some input please.

    68storm

  • Angharad
    Angharad

    ((((Storm)))))))

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I really dont know what to suggest, hopefully someone here will be able to give you some advice, I really wish I could be more help - but I just wanted you to know we are thinking of you.

    Edited by - angharad on 14 November 2002 9:59:23

  • metatron
    metatron

    Talk to your attorney immediately. You need advice in preparing for every possible scenario.
    Also talk to your son about ways he can communicate with you easily - via phone or e-mail.

    I don't think they will attempt to abduct him at age 12 - unless they are completely nuts.

    Now for the most important advice: DO NOT ALLOW THESE CONTENTIONS TO INJURE YOUR LOVING
    RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON!!! This is the most important advice I can give!
    Too many divorced parents use their kids as trophies in contentious court battles
    ( "I won!") - instead of concentrating on loving them as their sons and daughters.

    Empower your son as a growing adult and he'll never forget it. When he approaches
    driving age, take him off road and teach him to drive. Teach him about loving,
    respectful conduct in dating girls. Teach him that his sexual urges are normal
    and how he deals with them in private is no one else's business. Use your imagination
    here, according to his interests and abilities, in leading him into adulthood.

    If you always provide this contrast between the sterile, authoritarian life
    as a Witness - and a free life as a responsible, creative adult, he'll really
    be your son forever.

    metatron

  • LB
    LB

    I can't imagine them abducting him. I can imagine your wife taking off when she loses the court case though. Yep, ex-wives, a special breed of cat.

    Met gave you good advice. Keep the relationship with your son going. Also from my experience I've learned that you should never say a thing against your wife. If you son does tell him to stop and that "she's your mom, she just is having a tough time". Just always speak well of your wife in front of him. That's important. I've found that the parent that poor mouths the other parent usually ends up losing the respect of their child, eventually.

    Speaking poorly of the religion is another matter.

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    (((((((Storm)))))))

    I am so sorry to hear of all the stuff you and your son are going through. He's such a great kid, and I so enjoyed meeting him; it saddens me greatly that he's having to deal with all of this when childhood should be about ... well, childhood stuff.

    I don't know about them abducting him, although I think that they would have to be nuts to attempt it. Thats a sure way for your exwife to lose custody of him altogether. However, what strikes me most in reading your post is the mental and emotional anguish your son must be feeling (and you, too). The visit with the psychologist is a great idea, assuming he/she is a competent one. I echo what Metatron said, and add only that it's imperative your son knows that it's okay for him to speak freely and openly to you and the psychologist about what he wants, not what he thinks you or his mother wants him to do. This can be so hard on a child; they often feel torn between making both their parents happy, and obviously there is no way for him to do that in this situation.

    How does your son feel about going to court and stating his true feelings? How does he feel about seeing the psychologist? If he is really upset about doing these things, would there be any major harm done in delaying it awhile? Would you still have access to him? Sorry for all of the questions, I'm just trying to imagine what I would want to know if I were involved in a similar situation with one of my children.

    At any rate, it's obvious to me that you love your son very much and I know that he is aware of that too. IMO there is nothing more important for a kid to know. I wish you both the best (((((((Storm and son)))))).

    Dana

  • acsot
    acsot

    Hi Storm - I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I just wanted to know what part of Ontario you live in. I work in a law firm (not in Ontario) but we have offices in several provinces. Although we don't do family law, I can ask the lawyers in the Toronto/Ottawa offices if they can refer me to someone. Unless, of course, you have already found another competent lawyer to take the case. This really sucks.

  • Iwasyoungonce
    Iwasyoungonce

    Storm68,

    These people do not fight with ethics. They fight to win and they are good at it. They should be respected in the sense of fear that they will do everything that they can to possess your son. They have a well thought out mind control program. And never believe that an X will be fair or honest. If it is not on paper and notorized though the courts it never happened. AND IT WILL bite you in the ass.

    I hope that you have a good lawyer right now. One the has specialized knowlege and has dealt with the Jehovah Witnesses in court. If not Email me. These guys and your wife are at war with you Storm. You need to look at it that way. You are at war on three fronts.

    1. Your wife terminated your marraige and now is suing your for thousands of dollars. To bad you can not sue for emotional distress and alienation of affection.

    2. You are fighting for your son and not just to have him with you. His mind is also at stake, any chance of a normal childhood. These people are a clear and present danger to his well being.

    3. You are at war with the WTBS. They will take you on in court. If your wife wins custody of your son then they get possession of him by defalt.

    This is war Storm. You may not want it but it is what it is. Fight back and get a A#1 lawyer to allow your son his choice. One with experience fighing these SOB's.

  • freedom96
    freedom96

    Storm, I completely feel for you.

    I too, have a son going to the meetings with his mother. He too is young, and does not fully comprehand what it means to be a witness. I have fought back and forth for years too, with my ex over all sorts of issues, and I totally understand where you are coming from.

    While reading your comments, it appears as though your son is siding against the witnesses? Is that true? If so, that is awesome.

    As far as your ex or someone on her behalf taking your son away, I would imagine that is very unlikely. Main reason, is the law will come down on her hard, and you will have full custody and control over your son, while she will go to jail. The law just will not allow her to get away with behaving in that manner.

    Continue to be there for your son, and love on him, and get him around good people, and he will realize that the witness faith is full of crap, and you won't have that to worry about.

    As far as the ex goes, been there, and make sure each and everything you do is written down and documented through the courts. I have an extra evil ex myself, and that is what I have had to do, and the courts have nailed her several times. Sounds like our ex's are "good true Christians." What a joke.

  • imanaliento
    imanaliento

    sorry about your situation, I think you spoke to soon, letting her know your intentions, also, 12 might be to young to handle the depth of choosing. PLEASE do NOT play this child against each other, you guys will only hurt him. See if you can get a court order banning her from taking him anywhere, if she did she could be incontempt.

  • Quotes
    Quotes

    Some really good advice has been posted.

    It is interesting to think that this religion claims that "no one is coerced to be a member". It sounds like your son, like so many other teens, is indeed being coerced. But is sounds like he is not falling victim to it.

    I doubt a 12 y.o. would be kidnapped. It would blow up in the media and expose the idiocy of the WT/JWs: "Child kidnapped by mother in order to be coerced to be a JW; child's ability to choose not respected".

    My personal weapon of choice is to fight fire with fire (or more accurately, fight mis-information with information) but that is not really appropriate for a 12 y.o.

    Let him know that you love him -- no matter what. That is something that the JWs can not say, since their love is conditional.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit