Divorced! No Grounds!

by Veovus 18 Replies latest social family

  • LB

    I was looking for replies from other active witnesses not apostates.

    Well my young friend you may be in the wrong place. But you may be in the right place too. Let me tell you about my youth.

    I was married a year earlier than you at the age of 18. I was divorced at the age of 21. Now I was not a witness at the time and my ex was really a horrible person. I should have rejoiced at the divorce but I was distraught. I missed her horribly and I was free to remarry as a worldy person, but I wanted her. I missed her.

    Years later I met a wonderful woman and married her. My life has been made complete by her every single day. At age 18 I no more knew what I wanted or needed than you did at age 19.

    Now you can sling names around such as apostates and that's fine. It's what you've been taught to do. I consider that to be a form of judging, but I won't judge you for using such terms. It's ok.

    From what I see at the kingdom halls one of you two will crack eventually. One of you is going to meet someone and the other is going to run to the elders and get them busted for falling in love. Those are the rules you live under in the true religion. Be patient, things are going to work out for you. Or maybe you'll be fortunate and all of us will be killed quickly at armagedden which is only around the corner. Then you'll be free and perfect and the world will be right.

    You have my permission to go joyriding in my vette when I'm destroyed. Sure it's a midlife crisis car but even at your young age I bet you can appreciate some horsepower and handling.

    Sure I'm kidding around a little at your expense but I do understand where you're coming from. I hope it all works out for you. Honestly I do.

  • DakotaRed

    Veovus, I am currently going through a divorce myself, without scriptural grounds. But, since I'm just one of those dirty old apostates, I won't you bore you with any offers of support.

    I wish you well and hope you find the support you are seeking. You are going to need it, my friend.

    Lew W (of the just another 'postate class)

  • LB

    Well Lew it appears our young lad has run off. He must have made a wrong turn someplace.

    But, he'll be back, they always come back. At first it's like watching a trainwreck, you just can't look away, but later, he'll read something that clicks. He'll begin to learn a little truth about the truth. It always happens. The eyes will slowly open.

    But I hope it goes well for him.

  • BeelzeDub


    Hello, if you are still here.

    How long have you been apart? How long have you been divorced.

    First you should give it time... I was very lonely at first, but with time it gets better.

    I went through the exact situation that you are. All I can say is that it is a battle of wills. When I was divoced without grounds my EX said to me... "I bet you give in first" My ex decided she wanted to get a divorce after I said I didn't want to go to meetings anymore. It was very lonely at first but it got better with time.

    1. Buy a big screen TV and a DVD player and make a goal to watch every movie in the rental store. This will keep you at home most evenings with something to keep your mind busy.

    2. Get some books and read, I recommend "Crisis of concience" as well as "In search of Christain Freedom"

    3. Spend the rest of your free time on a discussion boad as this... you will meet new people and you will then be less lonely.

    Now for the most important advise.....

    A. Never tell your EX that you are lonely... always act like you are perfectly happy being single and that you are prepared to stay single the rest of your life if that is what it takes because you want to follow what is in the bible. (This will only put more pressure on your ex, because they will not have any hope in you giving in first) Every chance you get let you ex know you are content to be single and that is just the way it is. Make some friends on the internet.... if you go out on the town, do not do it where you live.

    Your other options are to.

    A. Learn the truth about the "TRUTH" and quit letting them control your life.


    B. Do what the elders tell you and get back together with you EX and make it work.

    In the words of Dr Laura, "Now go do the right thing."

    Best of luck to you, and if you are looking for people who might be able to give you some advice, you did come to the right place here. You know what advice you will get at the Kingdom Hall, Make up with your spouse or learn to live single. What other advice would you expect from an active witness? really?

    Best Regards B_D

  • roybatty
    I was looking for replies from other active witnesses not apostates.

    You should talk to the elders in your congregation, I'm certain that they will have some sound advice to give you, such as going out in service more. Perhaps you simply need to do more personal study and pray to Jehovah. Are you preparing for each and every meeting? Do you comment enough? Yes, these are important things to do. Oh, BTW, you'd better not tell the elders that you are visiting an "apostate" site. This would get you into big trouble.

    I guess us "apostates" don't know anything about divorce and moving on.

  • NeonMadman
    My whole point of this post is to seek a little comfort from people that knows or is going through what im going through. Im not planning on leaving the organzation cause I personally think its the true religion. I was looking for replies from other active witnesses not apostates.

    Then you're in the wrong place, on two fronts.

    First, if you are looking for faithful JW's and not apostates, this is the wrong forum. Most of us here have seen through the lies and false teachings of the Watchtower, and have left. Therefore, the Watchtower labels us as apostates, and creates a great deal of fear in your mind about associating with us.

    Second, if you're looking for comfort and sympathy among Jehovah's Witnesses, you're definitely looking in the wrong place. JW's are a cold, unfeeling lot when it comes to their rules. You know the rules, right? You can't get married, or even go out on a date, until she gets married again or commits adultery. Don't like the rules? Then you have a bad attitude, brother. You need to get out in service and get to all the meetings. Pray about it. If you're unhappy, it's because of your own bad attitude, certainly not because of Jehovah's laws (pay no attention that these "laws of Jehovah" are found nowhere in the Bible). So stop whining and do what you're supposed to do. Forget about finding love and companionship, and get busy pushing literature from door to door.

    On the other hand, many of us evil, rotten "apostates" have been exactly where you are, and feel a great deal of sympathy toward your situation. We'd be happy to help in any way we can, and to provide comfort as we are able. But you smug, self-righteous "true Christians" wouldn't want to associate with people like that, now would you?

    I hope my sarcasm has made its point. You need to read some of the posts by so-called "apostates" on this thread and ask which group - the JW's or the "apostates" - sound more like Jesus and which sound more like the Pharisees. Can you really be honest with yourself about this?

    Edited by - NeonMadman on 5 December 2002 15:13:41

  • JNS2

    Veovus, I am in exactly the same situation as you. I'm divorced according to "Caesar, but not in the eyes of the congregation. I'm not free to remarry (in the congregation) either. I don't like being alone either. My ex-wife says she will never do what it would take to make me free to remarry in the truth. My inclination now is pretty close to what most of the posts here are about. Examining the religion that says I'm in this position. You need to decide what your course will be. I hope both of us find the happiness we're looking for eventually, God willing!

  • onacruse

    JNS2, welcome to the forum!

    As you may have figured out, this thread was started by a poster who still wants to be a JW.

    I just went through the same scenario, this last year. Divorced 2/02, no "grounds," and I've been df'd for a couple of years now. Option 1) Stay single (she's a JW, and would never break the "law"); Option 2) Re-examine 1Cor 7 and the basic tenets of respectable and honorable remarriage.

    Well, I chose #2, and I can't imagine how I could possibly be a happier man.

    Keep in touch. You can e-mail me if you like, or perhaps even better, start your own thread, and get feedback from a LOT of folks here.


    Edited by - onacruse on 2 January 2003 2:5:9

  • whyhideit

    I say, "do what you want to be happy." If it gets you DF'ed, it's not like they do not have reinstatement for that sort of thing. Plus, you would not exactly be breaking new ground. I witnessed that happening about a dozen times. That whole, "no grounds" thing, was a sick mind game played by people to hurt one another. If you don't want to be married and your not able to regain happiness, that is grounds. Life is to short to be in a relationship that makes people miserable.

Share this